Saturday, November 21, 2009

bbc reporting of unemployment

On Thursday I noticed the strange way that the BBC reports that unemployment is rising and the figures it reports.

September: Unemployment rises to 7.9%


October: Unemployment rises to 7.9% from 7.6%


November:Unemployment rises to 7.8% from 7.7%


Things got even stranger today when checking another area of their site and a different report tells a different story about the figures, one that is at odds with the other report published on the same day.


November:Unemployment falls to 7.8%


Come on BBC. If you can't be honest, at least be consistent.

Friday, November 20, 2009

google searches keep the smiles coming



1st out of 1,700,000,000 .. .. ..

the internet is raping your children behind your back again

Prof. Byron, the government's internet safety czar, fresh from telling parents that their children are all addicted to internet porn is trying to reinforce how bad the internet is by peddling the line that "Children social network in secret". Now obviously I am the absolute coolest parent on the planet ever but still the juniorffs would rather that I didn't speak to their friends and "quite frankly dad could you fuck off please?" is not uncommon from juniorff3 (aged 6)*. All children social network both online and offline without their parents hanging over them and stifling their self expression at every turn, don't they? According to Prof Byron
"There are plenty of children going on social networking sites to catch up with friends, having lied about their age - and they are in a playground with adults, not being sensible about their privacy."
So her solution is?
Prof Byron, speaking at the launch of a social network designed for schools called Kwercus, says school networks are an ideal place for younger children to enjoy talking to their friends - but also to learn how to handle themselves on social networks. "It helps children with their learning, they can hand their homework in, parents can engage in their learning, which leads to better outcomes,but it also has what children love about social networks - but in a safe, secure environment, where people can help them understand that it is very easy to type mean things about someone but it hurts."
You. Just. Don't. Get. It. It's not the being on BookFace, it's the ability to have a private conversation with your friends that your parents aren't listening in to. Do you really think that kids will use Kwercus when they are at home and be reminded of being at school? How fucking stupid are you?









*He doesn't actually swear, but does say please and thank you.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

google searches that made me smile



I'm guessing the search instigator is not a fan of the police force?

tickets for the outrage bus .. .. ..

The Mirror headline "Fake orgasm radio clip sparks BBC row" is a little sensationalist when you consider the story reported underneath.
The BBC was criticised today after a radio presenter played a clip of Meg Ryan faking an orgasm during a show broadcast during the time of the school run.

Steve Harris, presenter of the Drivetime show on Radio Solent, played the 10-second recording from the movie When Harry Met Sally when talking about a drug being heralded as the female version of Viagra.

He played the clip immediately after asking listeners: "What would you say if I asked if you were interested in a female version of Viagra?"
You'll notice that they aren't criticised for discussing the sexual pleasure enhancing drug, just the sound clip. Who is upset about it? Step forward Vivienne Pattison, director of campaign group Mediawatch UK, who said
"I think the BBC made a bit of an error. They must have been having a right laugh but they got a bit carried away in playing this clip. If you happened to be a parent picking your child up and hearing that, you would either have had to deal with bouts of sniggering or, from a younger child, you would end up dealing with lots of questions."
So those people in Dorset and the Isle of Wight must have contacted the BBC in their hundreds to complain about this?
A BBC spokeswoman said: "It wasn't our intention to offend.This was a light hearted intro to an informative discussion utilising one of the best known film clips of the last 20 years. We've had not a single complaint or comment."
Not a single complaint from those who heard it. I wonder how many complaints the professionally offended will make?

language pedantry

Nick Britten reports in the Telegraph
An 18-year-old girl is being forced to spend every night for the rest of her life in hospital after becoming the first person in the world to suffer from a unique blood condition.
If she was the second person in the world to be suffering it wouldn't be unique would it?

'tard

money to improve roads

The BBC is reporting that the government has pledged a further £1.5 million, on top of the £3.5 million it has already spent, to improve road safety.

Abroad.

Minister for Development Gareth Thomas said the road safety statistics in developing countries were "shocking".
"I want to see this funding make a real impact on reducing casualty numbers where it's needed most. It will help with implementing basic safety measures. Statistics show that the UK has some of the safest roads in the world. We must use our expertise to help developing countries meet the safety standards that we take for granted."
With the public finances in such a sorry state maybe instead we could sell our expertise abroad to lighten the burden? All that expense and time that we've taken improving road safety must be worth something?

brighton and hove loses eco ranking

From the Argus
Brighton and Hove has slipped a position in the annual rankings of Britain’s most eco friendly cities. It has been ranked third overall in the Forum for the Future’s 2009 Sustainable Cities Index. The rating marks a slip for the city from second place last year and first in 2007. Brighton and Hove City Council yesterday said the drop was down to a new scoring system being introduced.
Since 2007 the number of Green Party councillors has risen.

Laughing? Me? Never!

volunteers have rights too you know

Ally Fogg is working into a lather about the rights of unpaid volunteers over at CiF.
Volunteers should be protected against unfair dismissal. Indeed, they should claim the same myriad protections offered to employees and service users against discrimination, harassment and exploitation.
Doesn't this fundamentally misunderstand the nature of voluntary work? Time and effort are freely given and can easily be withdrawn by the volunteer without any notice. To suggest that volunteers should have rights also suggests that there should be a contract between volunteer and organisation which would alter the relationship permanently.

bbc unemployment figures

After a conversation with a customer earlier this month I've been researching BBC reporting of the unemployment figures. On the 16th September the BBC reported
Unemployment increased by 210,000 to 2.47m in the three months to July, taking the jobless rate to 7.9%, the Office for National Statistics said.
and then on the 14th October they reported
Unemployment increased 88,000 to 2.47 million in the three months to August, from the three months to May. The jobless rate rose to 7.9% from 7.6%.
Imagine my surprise then when I saw the figures reported by the BBC on the 11th November
The number of people unemployed in the UK rose again in the three months to September, although the 30,000 increase was the smallest since May 2008. Unemployment totalled 2.46 million in the quarter, the Office for National Statistics (ONS) said. The jobless rate edged up to 7.8% from 7.7%,
Unemployment has risen for the third month in a row but is lower than it was three months ago? What the fuck?

ask a direct question and get a gordon answer

Number10.gov has a transcript from a press conference given by Gordon Brown and Robert Fico, the PM of Slovakia. Compare the answers that both men gave to this question
Prime Minister Brown, do you still back Tony Blair in his bid for presidency of the EU and how hopeful are you that this will succeed? Prime Minister Fico, do you back Prime Minister Brown in this decision?
Gordon first
Yes, we do. This will be discussed at the meeting on Thursday, but I must say that today our main discussion was about Afghanistan. I have said that NATO and other allies can bring 5,000 additional troops to Afghanistan. The announcement by the Slovakian Prime Minister that he is prepared to bring extra troops to Afghanistan is very important. As I said, we will be approaching other countries and I believe that nearly 10 countries will be prepared to give extra support in Afghanistan, including Britain. That has been the basis of our discussions today, not talking about personalities, but policy.
See how gracefully he knits together an answer to the question asked and the topic that he really wants to highlight? Such skilled oratory. The delicate way that he seamlessly skips from one subject to the next in the blink of an eye is undetectable to all but the most skilful observer. Comparisons have been made between his verbal skills and the boxing technique of Cassius Clay. Groups of women (and men of a certain persuasion) have been known to swoon at such powerful displays of oral skill.

Compare the artistry of that reply with the simplistic approach of Robert Fico
I would like to add to the answer of the Prime Minister. I would like to say that, in my view, the President of the Council should not be just a man who simply organises meetings and directs or hosts the discussion. I believe that the position of the European Union is such that, for this position, we need a personality that is respected in Europe as well as all around the world. However, we spend so much energy on institutional issues that it would be really bad if we spent equal amounts of energy on personal issues. I believe that the next meetings of the Council would focus mainly and exclusively on the issues of the global crisis and economic issues. I can also only confirm that today’s meeting focused on these principal topics.
who actually answers a question with a direct answer. No doubt Gordon will be tutoring him intensely between now and Copenhagen .......

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

the queen's speech 2009

halving the deficit*

GB: Hello, I'm Gordon Brown

AD: and I'm Alistair Darling. Today we'd like to discuss the Fiscal Responsibility Bill that I

GB: that I thought up and was announced by the Queen today. This brilliant new legislation will make it lawful for the government to halve the budget deficit over the course of the next four years. I've proven once again that I can take tough decisions unlike the 'do nothing' Tories. Could you tell people a little more about the Bill Alistair?

AD: Certainly Gordon. This new Bill legally binds the next parliament to halving the budget deficit over the next four years although it doesn't mention paying down the massive levels of debt that

GB: Thank you Alistair. So you can see that we, the Labour Party, are not afraid of passing ridiculous, stupid, unnecessary, pointless legislation to make it look like we are doing what we should be doing anyway without needing to pass ridiculous, stupid, unnecessary, pointless legislation.


AD: Vote Labour





*Yes, I had an interesting conversation this lunchtime!

maclaren sign button

Fresh from his stint in panto, the eternal footman Buttons is to become the new head of PR for guillotine manufacturer Maclaren. When asked about his new position he said
"It's always a difficult decision to leave a team when you've been there for so long, but life is all about challenges – and, most important of all, it's about challenging yourself. I was always adamant that I wanted to continue to set myself fresh challenges."
Cinderella was unavailable for comment.

ben elton, day 2

After The Argus pulled yesterday's version of this story* it returns today rebranded, reworded and with a less crappy picture of Ben Elton.





*It turns out that he has three children!

brewdog caption competition

Number 6 - Nanny State

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

lookouttobacco


A story in the Telegraph led me to a site I've not encountered before via the web page of it's designers d2 Digital. Lookouttobacco (and it's companion site lookoutalcohol) is full of fantastic fun facts for kids like the one in the image above plus plenty of information about second hand smoke .. .. .. and of course the obligatory link to Action on Smoking and Health.

Lookoutalcohol has some great questions about peer pressure including
It is ok to say no if you are under pressure?
to which of course the correct answer is "yes" .. .. .. even when you are under pressure to answer. I've also discovered a couple of questions that revolve around Alcohol Concern and Drinkaware statistics, and links to their sites, during my quick visit .

Go and have a play with them (but turn the sound down because after about 20 seconds you'll be screaming with rage at the repetitiveness of it) to see the kind of online media that is being produced to help educate primary school children.

headline of the day

Britons convicted of pigeon tossing





*snigger*

question and answer

The Guardian asks "What's stopping teenage girls from riding bikes?"

The Telegraph answers "Health and Safety fears."





*shakes head wearily*

job vacancy - copy writer for the argus




The successful writer, who lives in East Grinstead, made the comments on a quiz show in Australia, where he is moving with his Australian wife and their **** children.


HahahahAHAHAHAHAHahaha

stay away from smokers

From the BBC
Dr Twalib Ngoma, president of the African Organisation for Research and Training in Cancer (AORTIC), says that Africa is on the brink of a smoking epidemic.
Epidemic?
"For the first time in history, we have the tools in hand to prevent a pandemic," says Dr Otis W Brawley, chief medical officer of the American Cancer Society.
Pandemic?

As far as I'm aware smoking is not contagious.

Monday, November 16, 2009

missing emails

Mrsff is trying to find another car since the gearbox on her existing vehicle died an expensive death 10 days ago. If she sees a car that looks suitable she phones me or sends an email with the details. Except the emails DO NOT ARRIVE.

Emails sent previously arrive.

Emails sent subsequently arrive.

Emails with details of cars that she wants an opinion on just completely disappear. I'm assuming that she is now on some kind of terrorist watchlist?

i'm a pc



Microsoft has opened up its Windows 7 operating system to advertising, allowing brands to advertise on PC desktops.

spying on your kids

Sarah Payne, the government appointed Victim's Champion, is calling for parents to install snooping software on their children's computers according to The Argus.
Parents should snoop on their children's internet use to protect them from paedophiles and cyber-bullies, Sara Payne has said. The Victims' Champion called for adults to install monitoring software on computers used by youngsters, and she admitted she checks up on her own children.
I suppose that if kids get used to their activities being secretly scrutinised then they won't find the surveillance state we live in unusual.

the definition of britishness

I've seen this story in a couple of places today and for me it sums up the essence of Britishness.
Lorry driver Jason Ripley called his boss after being impaled on a pole to say "I've had a bit of an accident." He was almost killed when the pole smashed through the windscreen of his truck and continued through his chest, narrowly missing his heart. "I just didn't see it at all. It went straight through my chest and out the back. There was seven or eight feet of pole sticking out.I just thought it was pinning me. I thought it was digging into my flesh but that was it."
Pinned into his lorry seat by an eight foot long pole that has passed through his chest he phones his boss to say "I've had a bit of an accident".

How reserved.

How controlled.

What poise.

How very British.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

two lesbians are better than .. .. .. ..

From the Telegraph
Stephen Scott, director of research at the National Academy for Parenting Practitioners, has said his research shows children from lesbian couples do better in life than the offspring of heterosexual couples. "Lesbians make better parents than a man and a women,"
Stephen Scott of the government funded fakecharity National Academy for Parent Practitioners clearly wasn't studying properly in biology lessons. ALL fucking children are the offspring of heterosexual coupling. Two eggs do not make a baby.

Cunt.

olympic security 2012

From the BBC
Up to 6,000 teenagers could be trained to provide security during the 2012 Games, the London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games said. The committee said it is in talks with 50 colleges to set up Level 2 BTec diploma courses for 16 to 19-year-olds.
With the minimum wage structure being as it is they will be cheaper to employ than, say 6000 unemployed 22 year olds ,who have plenty of time on their hands to go through the training process.

How long will this intensive level 2 qualification take?
They will be given 30 hours of training on communication, keeping people safe at events and crowd control.
30 whole hours. Whoop.

crackdown on burglaries

From the BBC
Police have begun a crackdown after a spate of burglaries in a town on the Lincolnshire coast.

Six burglaries have been reported in the Drummond Road, Sandbeck Avenue, Becket Close and Buckthorn Avenue areas of Skegness over the past month.

Officers believe most of the homes were targeted while occupants were on holiday as they appeared to be empty.

Police are now carrying out high visibility patrols and house-to-house visits as part of Operation Celestial.

Insp Terry Ball said: "We believe the houses are being targeted due to their apparent emptiness.

"Our high profile campaign aims to highlight this to local residents and ensure they take precautionary action if they plan to go away."
No mention of trying to actually solve the crimes then?

miliband on marr


Ed Miliband was on the Andrew Marr Show this morning being interviewed about the Copenhagen summit later this year. Talking to Sophie Raworth about the need for reducing CO2 emissions he said
"But what's most important, as far as I'm concerned, is to get a really ambitious set of commitments from all the world leaders because we're trying to do something the world has never done before, which is instead of emissions carrying on rising across the world, involving all countries - China, India, Europe, the United States - we're trying to get them to fall."
Freudian slip or just a cunt? When did Europe become a country?

even more (and yet again) on alcohol pricing

The BBC has yet another alcohol pricing article today, this time with the headline "Alcohol pricing backed by experts".
A minimum price for alcohol would have a "considerable" impact if it was set at 60p a unit, a public health expert has said. Dr Emilia Crighton, the convener of the Faculty of Public Health in Scotland, spoke after delegates at its conference voted in favour of minimum pricing.
The full title of the organisation is The Faculty of Public Health of The Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh who are of course a registered charity (SC009465), no guesses where the majority of their funding arrives from.

They have a handy link to the Support Change Support Minimum Pricing for Alcohol page which has an emphatic endorsement for SHAAP, who I've previously highlighted, and another link for people who want to support the campaign.

Clicking that takes you to another page which says
Fellows and Members are probably aware that an Alcohol Bill is to be put before the Scottish Parliament in the next month. This Bill seeks to curb alcohol misuse and includes a policy of minimum pricing. This legislation would have a significant impact on reducing the burden of alcohol related death and harm which we see daily in clinical practice. RCPE has been a strong supporter of public health measures to reduce alcohol harm, and has agreed to support these measures. It is expected that the voting on the Bill will be very close. Council feel that the RCPE should be active both collectively and individually in advocating this legislation.

Fellows and Members are, therefore, encouraged to consider personally making their support of these measures known to MSPs in their area as soon as is possible. Below you will find a link to a sample letter which you could adapt and send.
and then there are more links for a template letter (.rtf) and to help find addresses of MSPs.

The fakecharities are mobilising!

gordon's podcast 14th november 2009

If you think you can bear to listen to it then the podcast is available here (mp3) or the full transcript here. To save you the pain of listening to it all here's a few bits that stood out for me. After a few drab sentences of preamble Gordon says
If the experience of the 1990s recession had been repeated employment would be 1.7 million lower
Notice the choice of phrasing - employment would be 1.7 million lower. The government's statistics(.pdf) show that the population was considerably lower in the 1990s resulting in less people able to be employed. It does not deal with the issue of unemployment which is on course to be higher than when the Labour party were elected to government in 1997. I've just spotted a BBC article about this podcast which says
The UK had fared well in terms of jobs and repossessions compared with the last recession in the early 1990s, he said.
I'm not surprised that the BBC has spun these words in this way. At all.
We will reduce government borrowing
No mention of reducing the debt, just the borrowing.
in a fair and responsible way
'Fair and responsible' has become the new synonym for 'increasing the tax burden'.
and take forward our strategy for growth, with targeted investment that creates jobs and builds a modern green infrastructure for the digital age.
Green and Digital aren't easy bedfellows. One needs more electricity, one wants us to consume less.
This means a transformation of the way the financial sector is policed
I've got a great idea Gordon - lets create a tripartite system of policing with the .. .. oh, you tried that before and it didn't work very well, did it?
And we will ban credit card companies from encouraging you to borrow more than you can realistically afford to repay by sending you credit card cheques you haven’t asked for.
Oh for fuck's sake! Credit card cheques are not a the issue at all. Yes they are a minor annoyance for the majority of card holders and a few people might have been tempted to use them, but the real issue is people's inability to control their own finances. Maybe if the government set an example it might help?
We must also restore confidence in our democratic institutions.
Maybe the population would have more faith in the political system and institutions if the people elected to serve them weren't such duplicitous tossers? Just a thought.
And a better Britain means world class public services underpinned by guarantees not gambles.
So no more PFI schemes to bite the public purse in the arse then.


I can't bear to listen to any more of it. You'll have to brave it yourself.

poultry jewelry




Inspired by a conversation on Twitter.