books

There were controversial scenes today at the press conference to launch the latest government initiative to provide books for children. Schools Ministers Ed Balls and Ian Wright were describing the government's latest plan to distribute books to schools to a select group of friendly journalists when the incident occurred.

"Instead of just sending the books to each school" said Mr Balls "what we plan to do is divide the books up and send them directly to the pupils. Every single registered student in the country will receive 20 pages from a novel, unless they are getting free meals in which case they will get 35 pages."

"This inspired approach will not only improve the reading skills of the younger generation but it will also foster a strong spirit of collectivism. It is only when they come together as a group, rather than attempting to strike out on their own, that the full joy of the literature is revealed."

The meeting was interrupted at this point by a group of parents from one of the trial areas. Home schooling parent Mr Aadams shouted down the minister claiming that all his son Aaron ever received through the scheme was the front cover, the copyright page, the index, and the first two pages of chapter one.

Harold Rubins, headmaster of Danny Fisher Secondary School, also made claims that books had been deliberately censored during distribution. "Take the classic book The Carpetbaggers" he said. "All of the erotic scenes have been removed which distorts the flow of the narrative."

The ministers both strongly denied any wrongdoing and refused to comment on individual cases at this time. They agreed that a House of Commons committee should be set up to oversee an investigation into the claims.