festive domestic violence

"Do you remember what happened last Christmas?" asked my wife as she dragged me out of the bath. I may have been slightly disorientated as I came to bed last might. "No, you probably don't seeing as you started the day with a 'hair of the dog' or three, followed by a small sherry while the kids opened their presents, then off to the pub for a pre-lunch pint or four. You started drinking heavily once mother arrived .......... "

Christmas can be a stressful time for families, especially families like mine that have found a comfortable gap of approximately 80 miles and 6 month intervals, as the open spaces that can be used for the summer gathering tend to be on the damp and chilly side of good at the end of December. Forced smiles are often dropped, tempers flare, venom laden words are quietly spoken; looks are exchanged.

Luckily for me Sussex Police have a new tool in the fight against crime. I've already informed them of the time the The Angel of Death* will be arriving at our residence so that there will be no delay of the arrival of their video team. I have no desire to be a festive domestic attack statistic again this year.







*I remain convinced to this day that my wife's mother is the AoD. I could give numerous examples but one will suffice. Tobias, a friend of ours, happened to be cycling past the AoD on his brand new bicycle. He stopped to converse with her and she admonished him for not wearing a helmet because "he might get brain damage if he got hit by a car." Taking his leave he cycled onwards whereupon the crank fell off his vehicle and he plummeted to the ground righteously banging his head on the tarmacadam.