highways agency rapid response team

A crack Highway's Agency rapid response team flew into action yesterday after villagers in Cornwall placed a dangerous structure on a roundabout. Police sealed off the area while DNA samples were harvested from the illegal decoration before it was sealed in contamination bags and removed.

The Highways Agency issued the following statement late last night "Leaving this tree in the centre of the roundabout posed a potential hazard that could have lead to many near misses or crashes. Drivers squinting to see this disproportionately small tree might then laugh uncontrollably when they realise what it is which in turn is not conducive to safe driving."

"The rapid response unit was set up three years ago by the government to deal with emergency situations such as this. Since then the team have undergone an intensive training regime ensuring they maintain a perpetual state of readiness and the speed and efficiency shown today is a testament to their dedication."

"The Highways agency is not opposed to Midwinter Festival, or the decorations associated with Midwinter Festival, but driver safety must come before aesthetic considerations. If the person who placed the tree would like it returned they can contact Peter Heron at the Notter Bridge depot where it is being stored. In fact that would be pretty useful as the police would like a word and they have no real leads at the moment"