oldham

In a stunning display of broken logic, usually preserved for the upper echelons of academia, Oldham council is preparing plans for supermarkets to prevent unsupervised children near shelves of cheap alcohol.

The plan follows the recent changes in Scotland which have made no significant difference to levels of anti-social drinking whatsoever but have punished retailers by hitting their bottom line hard. Many other English councils are looking carefully at the idea with the view of implementing draconian new by-laws if they can get away with it.

There has been another reason suggested for the policy. Hiding away the cheap shit makes the more expensive drink relatively easier to steal. If children steal more expensive booze then when they are old enough to purchase it legally they will have a more refined palette and then shy away from the bargain basement piss flavoured drinks usually associated with troublesome behaviour.

Scenes of White Lightning swilling teens will become a distant memory as thieving youths select a cheeky beaujolais to complement their 20 year old single cask malt instead. Probably.