sand

An exciting new landfill scheme is being promoted to Liverpool residents. They are being asked to take their festive rubbish to Formby Point, a site of outstanding natural beauty, to dispose of it there. Ecomentalists are hoping that by building up a bank of waste at this beauty spot they can halt a natural erosion process that has been happening since before records began over 100 years ago.

"The rubbish prevents nature from doing it's thing with the sand" said Ms Edith Coloon, the brains behind the project, "and then once we've fucked around for a couple of years playing god we can plant some grass over the top and then pat ourselves on the back for doing such a good job. By linking natural erosion to climate change we qualify for huge government grants which means that we don't have to have real jobs."

A spokesperson for Merseyside council has denied rumours that they will need to cut frontline services to fund the import of sand from other regions to fill the gaps created by this ambitious project.