this is why we do it

I'm often asked why I don the lycra underclothes, climb onto the mountain bike and head off onto the hills at night. This is why.

And this.

I was out tonight and apart from a couple walking their dog near the beginning of the journey I saw not a single soul. Not one.

Utterly peaceful.

an episode at the bank update

A couple of weeks ago I described my frustration at the policy of my bank to 'bus' the queue rather than opening another till position. In the intervening weeks I've had a repeat performance with the same woman but today, today!, today things were different.

As I joined the queue for a cashier three out of four windows were being used, two by the regular cashiers and the third by the woman who I'd argued with previously!!! Have I made a difference? Who knows whether it was my persistence or not but I will claim it as a victory.

What made my day though was having a mouthed exchange with one of the regular cashiers.. .. ..

Me: She's opened a till

Cashier: Mananger

Next time that she comes out to 'bus' the queue not only have I seen her operating a till (which she could, as a manager, have done previously) but also the knowledge that she is part of the management team of that branch allows me far more scope for mischief .. .. ..


Result!

t-mobile update

Mrsff is no longer a T-mobile customer. She called them to buy out the remainder of her contract and it turns out that during one of her tariff changes they moved her to a rolling 30 day contract with no minimum term. She got her PAC number then told them precisely what she thought of them, their service, their insurance.

She is very happy now with her 3GS .. .. ..

marketing scam

This letter appeared through the letterbox at work this morning. As I'm not an ntl:Telewest customer (and never will be after the appalling experience I had with them as a domestic customer some years ago) this has to be a marketing scam by them to get people to phone into their call centre. Sorry ntl but I'd rather feed my cock through a grinder than deal with you again.

headline of the day

Says it all really.

peter shows support

I'm still gobsmacked over the proposals thrown out to the Labour Party faithful today (even the ones who were knitting through the speech). Others have already dubbed the collective social housing for young mothers as "gulags for slags" or "huts for sluts", I've been toying with "Community Housing And Vocational Studies, Allocated Non-Discriminatory Supervised Living Arrangements for a Great Start" which is a bit of a mouthful so will be known by its acronym instead.

Lets take a peek at some of the other things Gordon said, shall we?

So I come from a family for whom the NHS was quite simply the best insurance policy in the world.

Really? Because the maths don't seem to show that the NHS insurance policy is as good value as, for example, BUPA. The NHS costs every single person in the UK approximately £1500 per year. My family could get the maximum possible cover with BUPA for less than half of the amount the NHS costs us, we could get a decent level of cover for the same as one of our contributions to the NHS pot. When mrsff approached her GP this year to have troublesome veins removed from her leg she was told that they would not fund the operation so she has to live on in pain thanks to the "best insurance policy in the world".

And so this is our choice - to toughen the rules on those who break the rules.

Even if they helped to make the rules they are breaking? C'mon Gordon, until you sack the Attorney General all of this 'tough on crime' rhetoric doesn't wash.

record results in schools, more students than ever,

And so I can tell you that in the next five years we cannot and will not cut support to our schools. We will not invest less, but more.

And our guarantee to parents is a ruthless determination to raise standards in every school.

We will aggressively turn round underperforming schools so that your child will have a good local school no matter where you live.

In the last 12 years we've already given teenagers educational maintenance allowances to help them stay on until 18. And in the next five years not just some but all young people will be staying in education or training until 18.

It's funny because you boast about the way that you've reduced the grade boundaries so that more students can stay on at further education and now you intend to force all kids to stay at school until they are 18. All those disruptive kids forced to stay in school fucking up the educational prospects of the bright and talented future generation. Way to go Gordon! At the same time you gloss over the fact that your party has been in charge of education for the last 12 years. All those failing schools? They're your fault, not the fault of the Tories. The Tories can be blamed for their fuck-ups but not yours.

We will not invest less, but more.

we have to make choices about taxation and public spending.

For there are only two options on tax and spending - One is reducing the deficit by cutting front line public services - the conservative approach. The other is getting the deficit down while maintaining and indeed improving front line public services - the Labour approach.

So we will raise tax at the very top, cut costs, have realistic public sector pay settlements, make savings we know we can and in 2011 raise National Insurance by half a percent

And they are against the measures we took to raise taxes and so that means even less money for frontline services.

Beneath all of your talk of 'change' the only change you are interested in is the change in my pocket. Your whole philosophy that you know better how to spend my money shone through today even though we are, as a country, in more debt now than at any other point in our history. And still you want to keep on spending money that you haven't got. You even want to give money that you haven't got to other countries to help them! When will you realise that it all has to be paid for somehow? I suspect once you become relegated to the back benches of the opposition you will be lobbying for the new Government to balance the books .. .. ..

we will give local authorities the power to ban 24 hour drinking throughout a community in the interests of local people

I'm intrigued by this proposal. Is it an admission that 24 hour drinking that you forced onto the statute books is a bad thing or is it part of the current campaign you are waging against alcohol?

And so conference, I can say to you today, in the next Parliament there will be no compulsory ID cards for British citizens.

Although that's not exactly the same thing as announcing that the scheme is being scrapped or that the database won't be compulsory is it? I can't wait to see how you weasel out of that between now and the election.

I'll leave you with this brilliant observation

john reid spells it out

{the Conservative party} sneer at the importance we place on antisocial behaviour

John Reid, BBC News at 1, 29th September 2009

Anti-social behaviour is important to the Labour Party. No prizes for guessing why.

cute room

Seen here


A new shop called Cute room will be opening in Akihabara on the 4th of October and they will allow customers to do all sorts of activities with the girls there,at the bargain price of 1,000 yen (US$11). None of the services listed are sexual in nature but include typical 'male' past-times such as video gaming and erm, erm, having your ears cleaned out. The list of activities that can be shared with your temporary friend are

# Play video games (Wii PS3 PSP XBOX DS) (30 minutes 1,000 yen)
# Watch a DVD with the girl (30 minutes 1,000 yen)
# Play board games or card games (20 minutes 800 yen)
# Massage your hand (20 mins 1,200 yen)
# Lie on her lap while she cleans your ear (20 mins 1,500 yen, 40 mins 3,000 yen)
# Tsundere, dere dere slap (slapped both ways 1,000 yen)
# Read a bedtime story (20 mins 1,000 yen)
# Take a photo together (1,500 yen)
# Handmade candy (2,000 yen)
# Get a love letter (1,000 yen)
# Get cellphone email from her (photo + message 500 yen for one, 1,200 yen for three)
# Looking at you (with email movie 1 time 1000 yen, 2,500 yen for 3 times)
# Bromide (300 yen each)
# Exchange presents (need to call in advance, 1,500 yen)

I'm guessing that getting an actual girlfriend would be too much trouble?

gordon's conference speech (bbc preview edition)

From the BBC:

Prime Minister Gordon Brown is expected to announce a crackdown on anti-social behaviour in his keynote speech to the Labour party conference.

He will say: "Whenever and wherever there is anti-social behaviour, we will be there to fight it."

"We will not stand by and see the lives of the lawful majority disrupted by the behaviour of the lawless minority.

"Because the decent, hard working majority are getting evermore angry - rightly so - with the minority who who will talk about their rights but never accept their responsibilities."

When I read that last soundbite I thought immediately of Baroness Scotland. Why is that do you think?

bike 'n' ride

The Transport Secretary Lord Adonis has announced plans to the Labour Party Conference to encourage people to ride their bikes to the station to catch the train.

The bike and ride scheme includes £5m investment in 'cycle hubs' at ten major railway stations - providing commuters with a range of facilities including secure covered parking, cycle hire, information, retail and repair.

Four train companies have been selected to become flagship 'Bike 'n' Ride' operators while investment will also be provided to improve cycle access and create 10,000 extra cycle park spaces at stations across the country.

"The aim of the programmes announced today is to boost the significant number of people cycling to catch their train. This will tackle congestion, promote rail travel and help people develop healthier lifestyles and protect the environment."

Just a thought Lord Adonis .. .. most cyclists that I know would use their bikes in conjunction with the trains if they could easily take their bike on the train. It's all very well riding to the station but what about when you reach your destination? Is this a plan to encourage cyclists to purchase extra bikes so that they can store one at either end of their train journey?

bbc and climate change

This video .. .. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.. .. .. the transcript of the commentary starts

Flooding in the Phillipines right now. You can't link it to climate change. But it's the kind of extreme weather scientists say we'll see more of the warmer the world gets.

If you can't link the flooding to climate change then why will we see more of it if the climate changes? David Shukman you are a total cock.

faking it!

Some men are worried whether their partner is faking her pleasure, faking her orgasm, to prevent him from feeling inadequate (invariably when a man finds out this is the case it's worse for him than not performing adequately in the first place). However in Egypt they have slightly different worries



I'm utterly convinced that Sharia Law in this form (is there any other?) is incompatible with the lifestyle that the majority of people in this country are used to. Death for spreading vice in society? That's me in trouble then .. .. ..

And what of the implications for women? Men face no stigma for entering their wedding night having had previous carnal experience whereas women are prepared to go to the extreme of faking their virginity. These are not the actions of equal partners. I wonder if Ms Harriet is prepared to demand equality for women who live under Sharia?

nanny state beer

The boys at Brewdog have caused controversy with another beer .. .. this time for taking the piss with the name. After getting criticised heavily by politicians, fakecharities and the media for Tokyo, a beer that was 18% ABV, they've responded by producing this 1.1% ABV brew. Their blog entry reads

We felt a little bit hard done by with the onslaught of mass hysteria, consensual hallucination and nailing of BrewDog to the stake which surrounded the Tokyo* launch a few weeks ago. Anyone who knows BrewDog, knows beer, or has more common sense than a common (or garden) gnome will know that the scathing and unrelenting criticism we faced was pretty unjustified.

We have consistently made the point in writing and interviews that Tokyo* was all about the craft, the challenge and pushing the boundaries of beer and the perception of beer in Britain. We constantly cited the fact that BrewDog is all about educating the consumer and about promoting safe consumption through information and a responsible pricing strategy. It appears our well reasoned arguments fell on deaf ears. Both the Portman Group and The Scottish Parliament have commenced official movements to ban the beer for sale in the UK.

However we are a brewery, beer is what we are passionate about, beer is our canvas, beer is how we express ourselves. Consequently we have decided we would also make our point with a new, special beer.

Nanny State is our quiet and dignified response to the ongoing controversy surrounding Britain's strongest ever beer, Tokyo*. Nanny State is a 1.1% ale. We have gone from making Britain's strongest beer to a brew so low in alcohol it is below the legal classification of beer and not strong enough to be subject to beer duty.

However the BBC reports the comments of Jack Law, chief executive of fakecharity Alcohol Focus Scotland as

"the name of the beer proves that once again this company is failing to acknowledge the seriousness of the alcohol problem facing Scotland."

The name of this beer addresses a problem that has been affecting the whole union for some time Jack, and when we finally get to vote Gordon Brown out of office you may find your funding dries up too .. .. ..

tory cuts vs labour cuts

From the Independent

Chancellor Alistair Darling today warned of a return to the "Tory dark ages" if David Cameron wins the upcoming General Election.

Voters will be faced with a "big choice" between a dogma-driven Conservative Party which is "relishing the chance to swing the axe at the public services millions rely on" and Labour which will protect frontline services from cuts, he said.

So we have a choice. On one hand there is a political party that thinks that the state should be both mother and father to us all, that it should control every waking (and the majority of our sleeping) hour, that it should provide every service that it thinks we need and that we have to pay for, that has been spending recklessly more than it's income for a number of years (the full extent of which won't become clear until the PFI and other such schemes go back 'on book') who are forced into making some cuts 'for now'.

On the other hand there is a party that wants to savage the size of the state (allegedly) which will lead to it being cheaper to run and also reduce the interference in the lives of ordinary people.

Option 1 or option 2 .. .. .. so difficult to choose .. .. ..

ash takes direct action?

Make your own mind up.


;)

unregistered childminders

So many other bloggers have commented on this story when it first broke but this latest article in the BBC really takes the piss on a whole new level.

An Ofsted spokesman said it applied regulations found in the Childcare Act 2006, but was currently discussing the interpretation of the word "reward" with the department for Children, Schools and Families (DCSF).

"Reward is not just a case of money changing hands. The supply of services or goods and, in some circumstances, reciprocal arrangements can also constitute reward," he said.

Just wait .. .. .. next HMRC will be pursuing these people for evading tax on the 'rewards' they received. It gets better though because

Close relatives of children, such as grandparents, siblings, aunts or uncles, were exempt from the rules, he added. Minister for Children, Schools and Families Vernon Coaker said the Childcare Act 2006 was in place "to ensure the safety and wellbeing of all children"

Looking at the statistics for child abuse from the (fakecharity) NSPCC more children are abused by family members than by strangers. I wish the government would make up its mind .. ..

nhs cutbacks

In an effort to save money the NHS has reduced portion sizes of hospital food.



Maybe.

Read the full story here.

reporting to me

From the interview between Gordon Brown and Andrew Marr this morning.. .. ..


The first clip probably went unnoticed by many, the admission that income tax and NI contributions are going to rise, and also some reliefs are going to be removed, so that Gordon can spend the money you earn.

The first line that I highlighted in the second clip leapt out off the screen at me when I heard the original interview. "They're reporting to me" is such a self important expression designed to reinforce the idea that Gordon is not only part of the negotiations, but that he is leading them, elevated to a senior role amongst world leaders. A very cleverly written turn of phrase indeed.

gordon's health

Is it just me or did Andrew Marr's question regarding strong painkillers make Gordon look visibly shaken? The change in demeanour, the hand covering the mouth, the beads of sweat formed on his forehead, the retreat into a long tale about detached retinas .. .. .. ..

I'm starting to reckon that looks like a bullseye

alcohol pricing

The BBC news in the Andrew Marr show this morning had a very short piece about alcohol pricing so I had a peek at the article on their site .. .. ..



Sheffield University? Lets head over there and see what we can find then shall we? The research centre has a history of producing this kind of research funded by the Department of Health. In July 2008 they released a press release stating exactly the same findings. That research was funded by the Dept of Health's Policy Research Programme who have, among some of their stated aims

commissioning research evidence for policy making over the longer-term.

which must by definition make the conclusions suspect (at best). And yet the BBC just report the figures without questioning them in any way.

Once minimum pricing is in place then it will never go away and like the minimum wage it will be ratcheted higher and higher. The Temperance Movement will never stop until we are all the same as them - grey and miserable.

wild promises

Forget all of the rhetoric from The Badger for a moment and focus on the last statement from that screengrab.

Meanwhile, the Prime Minister has fought back against critics of the government's handling of the economy. He has promised a new legal commitment to halving the public debt by 2015.

How the hell does he plan to achieve that as a backbench opposition MP? If this is actually passed then it is yet another spiteful post election tie that will bind the incoming government. Maybe if he hadn't pissed it all up the wall while he was Chancellor and Prime Minister then such drastic pledges would not have to be made?

The BBC is reporting that the GMC will state

Doctors in the UK should tell police every time they treat a victim of gun and knife crime. They are also told they can breach patient confidentiality by giving police information if they believe a crime has or will be committed. If a patient is diagnosed with a genetic disease doctors will be able to tell relatives, without consent.

For fuck's sake! The whole idea of doctor / patient confidentiality encourages people to seek medical attention without the fear that their condition will be broadcast. Remove that and less people will seek medical help which in turn might create even greater problems in the long run.

And that's before I start trying to work out what criteria a doctor could use to determine if you might be thinking about committing a crime .. .. ..

cutting remarks

The BBC has this story

Why, as a businesswoman, did she not have the forethought to bring her own scissors? Surely a go-getting dress making entrepreneur would have remembered something as basic as that? Oh.. .. .. apparently not.

The local council has apologised to the woman which means now that if the library staff refuse to lend scissors to anyone who requests them they will be accused of discrimination. When one of the staff is eventually assaulted by someone with the scissors they have lent out just wait to see the outcry against the insurers who refuse to payout because the librarian armed their assailant.

Ms Watts said

"It's ridiculous - public libraries are supposed to be supportive of small businesses."

Last time I checked a library is a place that lends books .. .. ..

guitar hero 5 advert for toys r us

It was the oddly displaced male head that first drew my eye to this advert but then I noticed so many other things!

Maybe it's the elongated male torso, maybe it's the MC Escher-esque way that the couple share one arm, maybe it's the guitar shaped artefacts on their clothes or the way that her guitar strap blends into her top that make me cry photoshop disaster?

Or maybe it's the fact that the guitar on the right is being played by a hand that has been dismembered at the wrist .. .. ..

tip of the iceburg

From the 1st of October new regulations regarding how tips are to be distributed by restaurants to their staff come into force. On the face of it the regulations promote 'fairness' and allow the staff to be properly rewarded. However .. .. ..

The BERR report(pdf) estimates that employers National Insurance Contribution receipts will rise by £10.5 million per year (more after the 0.5% rate rise?) which will come directly from the profits of the businesses affected. It also estimates an increased revenue from employees NICs.



So unless I'm mistaken this is another Government initiative claiming to be helping poorly paid people while at the same time dipping its sweaty paws into their wallets.

too salty (and looking a bit rum)

People choosing wheat or dairy-free products could be risking their heart health because many are loaded with salt, a study reveals.

says the opening paragraph of the BBC report.

Consensus Action on Salt and Health surveyed 71 own-label "free from" products from five leading supermarkets in the UK.

Over half contained more salt than the retailer's standard version of the product. Some had six times as much.

Yes that really is a charity called CASH. They've been scraping along with very little funding until an injection of nearly £200K from Nissan last year.

Other charities have given quotes for the piece, the British Nutrition Foundation (their accounts are imprecise as to where their funding actually comes from but hints and clues suggest fakecharity, especially as the HDCA and the Potato Council are among their registered members), the Blood Pressure Association (£112K from the Lottery and £60k from the DoH) and the British Heart Foundation (which MW has already outed as receiving large chunks of taxpayer cash). Back to the research then .. .. ..

Sainsbury's Free From Jaffa Cakes have 0.67g of salt per 100g, compared with 0.1g of salt per 100g in standard Sainsbury's Jaffa Cakes.

This is more than six times the salt level of the standard version.

How much does a box of Jaffa Cakes weigh? According to my calculations, based on data from ASDA, a single Jaffa Cake weighs in at around 12.34g (100g has 8.1g fat, each cake has 1g fat therefore 100/8.1=12.34 to find the weight of one cake) and has 0.08g of salt (0.67/100x12.34) per cake. Eating 75 wheat free Jaffa Cakes will be enough to reach the daily recommended salt intake. Only 75! You could eat 500 of the regular ones (although if your wheat allergy is strong then this might not be advisable).

One of my grandparents had Coeliac disease. I remember the trouble she had finding food that she could eat and she would have willingly traded off her salt allowance for a Gluten free Jaffa Cake or two. People who have to watch their diet tend to pay far more attention to the ingredient list than those of us who are fortunate enough not to need to be picky. Why can't the nannys and busybodies leave people to make up their own minds whether the trade-off is worth it?

islington council install speed humps

.. .. .. on a cycle path!



Local residents complained that cyclists were flying down this route at such a speed that it was becoming dangerous so the council have installed 'traffic calming measures' to slow them down. I can't wait to see the reaction of the lycra nazis who are frequently calling for restrictions on cars and car drivers.

beer festival

I bumped into an acquaintance late this evening, well actually it more like he staggered into me but you get the idea, who'd just been to the evening session of a beer festival! Run by beermatt, a local beverage local delivery service, at The Martletts in Burgess Hill this weekend it features a wide selection of local beers, ciders and wines. Many local brewers had beers there, Arundel, Hammerpot, Hepworth, Adur, Dark Star and WJ King to name but a few.

He'd had a 'few' beers but he loudly recommended Merry Andrew to me and described it as dark, interesting and moody. I'm not a huge fan of darker beers .. .. .. he insisted that I had to try it.. .. ..

Anyway, the beer festival is on for the next two days so if you fancy a few pints of locally produced beverage .. ..

woman driver causes carnage

From the BBC

Eight children have been taken to hospital after a car ploughed into a group of nine-year-olds in Suffolk. Paramedics said some of the youngsters were "critically" injured. A 40-year-old woman has been arrested on suspicion of dangerous driving. A police spokeswoman said the most seriously injured child had two broken legs.

A 21-year-old man, who was on his way to the funeral of a friend killed in a car accident, was also hurt.

Feck!

how did that happen?

Sky news is reporting that

A US woman has stunned doctors by achieving a rare medical marvel - falling pregnant while pregnant. Julia Grovenburg and her husband Todd were shocked to learn she would be giving birth to two babies, but not twins.

The couple attended an ultrasound appointment believing Mrs Grovenburg was just over eight weeks pregnant.

But the scan showed two babies, separated by two-and-a-half weeks - with one clearly more developed than the other.

TWICE?

metro q&a with gordon

Asked by Glaswegian John Sweeney what he would do if he had to choose between representing the 'wishes of voters' and what he 'personally believes is best for them', Mr Brown replied: 'I think you always have to do what you believe is right for the country, even if it means following the harder path and taking on a tougher fight.'

More here

post527764

This is for the IT bods – how your average computer illiterate views a few of the computer terms found in one of the handbooks

A quality reply from SpankyHanky to this weeks QOTW!

alcohol strategy

Following links from The LA:Blog to UAP to this gets this sinister quote

On 21-22 September the Swedish Ministry of Health and Social Affairs, in cooperation with the European Commission's Directorate General for Health and Consumers, will arrange an Expert Meeting on Alcohol and Health.

The purpose of the meeting is to support a sustainable, long-term and comprehensive strategy to reduce alcohol-related harm in the European Union. The meeting highlights the strategic importance of keeping the alcohol and health issue high on the EU agenda.

Oh well, alcohol was fun while it lasted .. .. ..

t j hughes newspaper ad

That's the best shot they could find for a lingerie set called SEDUCTION? What did the rejected images look like?

the g20 of the future

The BBC are showing a photo of Gordon next to Barack to remind us that they have actually met at the G20 summit. Slipped in to the text is this line

a US official said the G20 would now become a permanent body co-ordinating the world economy.

So does that mean that Gordon has agreed another organisation has power and influence over the decisions of Parliament without consulting Parliament first?

shriti vadera resigns?

On the This Week sofa Dianne Abbot seemed to confirm that Gordon's protégé has resigned (rather than will resign).

political commentry from speech debelle

Having a Mercury Prize winner who contradicts her first answer with her second .. .. .. not a great choice of guest for a political program.

eu court steps in on co2

An interesting legal case was ruled on yesterday. The European Court of First Instance annulled commission decisions which sought to cut the CO2 emissions quotas of Poland and Estonia. The court defended the right of EU states to set their own CO2 quotas.

The European Commission is considering pursuing a legal fight with the EU's top court over management of the EU Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS).

"We are very disappointed and are studying the judgment with a view to a possible appeal," the commission said.

Read the rest of the BBC report here. It seems that some member states are prepared to stand up for their own self interest after all and not be bulldozed into submission. Could someone please tell our government?

some smoking statistics

I've been reading a report(.pdf) by RAND commissioned by the EU into the effects of passive smoking. There's some interesting figures contained in it that make you wonder why the smoking ban was brought in.

Passive smoking at work accounted for over 7,000 deaths across the EU in 2002 (p55)

Passive smoking at work accounted for about 2,800 deaths of non-
smokers in the EU in 2002(p55)

So the large majority of passive smoking related deaths are from the homes and a little over 7000 out of 500 million people, or 0.0014%, each year are affected in the workplace and more than half of those are smokers in the first place. Non-smokers affected in the workplace accounted for 0.00056% of the EU-25 population in 2002.


I'm just saying is all.

snub

jeremy vine gaffe

Another hat tip to steveshark for pointing out this quality slip!

more from the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

I've been reading Hitchhikers to Juniorff2 as his bedtime story recently. We've just got through chapter 6 and I've become re-acquainted with some of those classic lines that endeared the writing of Douglas Adams to a generation.......

"Charming man," he said. "I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry him ..."



"They've got as much sex appeal as a road accident."



"It's unpleasantly like being drunk."

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"You ask a glass of water."

I can't wait until tomorrow night!!

a yellow chalk cross

My daughter, having been denied her child tax credits for the last 7 weeks (totalling £700) due to an internal error at the Inland Revenue, was given a hardship payment by them yesterday in the form of a giro.

She went to the main post office in ***** Road yesterday lunch time and cashed it in, putting the money in a zipped pocket of her handbag.

She walked straight from the Post Office to ***** opposite the ***** Centre, on her way to the bus stop. When she got to the checkout the money was no longer in her bag. The only thing that happened on the journey was that she was stopped by a young woman, who asked her the time.

The security guards at ***** were called, and they rang the police and said "she's been marked".

When ***** asked what they meant, they said she had a yellow cross drawn on the back of her jeans in chalk. She felt no one draw this cross and certainly no one take her money!

According to the police and security guards, they are very aware that there is a highly professional gang of pickpockets working the ***** area, particularly on Wednesday, which is market day. They are believed to be Eastern Europeans. They have spies in banks and the post office (who could even be little old ladies), who watch people withdrawing money. Crosses are marked on these people and information passed by mobile phone to the pickpockets. Because they are so professional the police are having trouble catching them, but they hope the CCTV on *****'s very short journey may throw some light on it for them.

These people pick on the vulnerable usually, if you see someone in front of you in the town with a yellow chalked cross on their clothing, perhaps you could just warn them. Also be really vigilant, dont let it happen to you.

This was posted up on a MTB forum I use by someone I trust. If you see someone walk out of a bank or post office, with chalk markings on their clothes in an unusual position, do the right thing?

Thank you.

public health 09

I'm feeling a little concerned as I've not seen a new Don Shenker quote on the BBC News website today. Is he alive and well? Barely a day has passed recently where he hasn't popped up to give an alcohol related quote on some story or other .. .. .. Checking Google to see if he has been quoted elsewhere I came across this.

If you click the image you'll see that the subjects for discussion are listed as

- Modernising the NHS and the initiatives to move towards high quality care for all
- Tackling obesity, from healthy eating to activity in the wider social community
- Initiating behavioural change and making more healthy choices
- The challenges facing food and drink retailers and consumers in a global recession
- Sustainable and cost-effective health strategies for a better lifestyle

Following the link for a fuller description of the agenda takes you here which does not seem to have a single session aimed towards retailers. Which is probably a good thing if you look at the ticket prices for the event.



Public sector £201, private sector £1029. Now I know that the private sector has to support the public sector but this is just taking the piss borderline discriminatory practice. At least it will ensure that the speakers only get to preach to the converted and don't have to answer any awkward questions from dissenting voices.


UPDATE: It seems that all is well with Don after all. Fidothedog has tracked him down to a meeting in the Welsh Assembly.

patty s

a letter to katie

Dear Jordan

If you fuck a celebrity and a magazine doesn't want to pay you for doing it, it doesn't make it rape. It makes you a very rubbish prostitute.

Love

Ulrika
xx



more here

100% inheritance tax

I've been poking around the darker recesses of the BBC websites and almost had a liquid / keyboard moment when I read this reply to the question Should the government reduce public spending? Is education a good place to start? Would you rather pay more in tax to keep the same level of service?


100% inheritance tax? Apart from being a contradiction in terms Mr Phillips can you not envisage any problems with such a scheme?

Fucktard

lib dem home

I've been trying to find some information on the Lib Dem site and, well, either I'm totally missing it or there just doesn't seem to be a search box.

Has anyone spotted one?

lib dem fringe meeting with a fakecharity

The BBC are reporting that a number of "charities" addressed a fringe meeting at the Lib Dem conference with regard to their funding concerns during the recession. One of them was ReThink (previously the National Schizophrenic Fellowship) who sent Paul Corry.

Having a look through ReThink's 2008 annual statement and accounts (pdf file) I'm struck by a few things. Page 25 shows the total voluntary income as £1,411,000 while page 27 shows the total statutory income as £35,273,000 out of a total income of £45,113,000 meaning that nearly 80% of the funding comes from the public purse.

Pages 12 has this as a future plan
• Influencing local and national decision makers through the participation of our members, people using our services and staff.

I say fakecharity. What say you?

unintentional headline of the day

From the BBC:

Ban calls for action on climate

Hahahahahahhahhahahahhahhahaha

(I wish I'd taken a screenshot - they've changed it now)

alcohol is good for you*

The BBC is quietly reporting the findings of a study into brain injuries.

A dose of alcohol may be a good treatment for people with head injuries, emergency doctors suggest. Their basis for this is the discovery that people appear less likely to die following brain trauma if they have alcohol in their bloodstream. It could be that alcohol dampens the body's inflammatory response to injury, the US team told Archives of Surgery.

The amount of alcohol consumed appears to be important - too little and there is no effect, too much and the beneficial effects are lost, studies on animals suggest. Experts believe the right dose of alcohol, however, stops the cascade of swelling, inflammation and further destruction of brain cells, known as secondary brain injury. The latest work, based on more than 38,000 moderate-to-severe head trauma patients, is the largest yet to look at the effects of alcohol on brain injury survival.

*Obviously there are all of the usual caveats attached to that statement as provided by seemingly resident fakecharity mouthpiece Don Shenker

"The fact is, being drunk increases your chances of getting into an accident in the first place. When judgement's impaired, we can put ourselves at risk."

Have you had too much to drink Don? You seem to be putting yourself at risk with this constant hectoring .. .. ..

so this twitter thing?

I've given in and signed up to it with the username manwiddicombe


Now what?

fuck off ash and your associates

Many people have picked up on the BBC report that

Bans on smoking in public places have had a bigger impact on preventing heart attacks than ever expected

and many have looked at the statistics and questioned them, so I won't add to that incredulity.

What some people have overlooked is this

Dr James Lightwood, of the University of California at San Francisco,

taking at face value the location of this researcher. Yes he works for the University of California in the Center for Tobacco Control Reasearch who take exactly the same position as ASH.

scotland to be fined

So when will she do the decent thing and resign?

kind to your behind

Is it just me or does that text box look more than a little phallic?

brown defends scotland

RISKS?

The attorney general is in "technical breach" of rules on employing migrant workers, the BBC understands.

"technical breach"? She broke the rules that she helped to bring to parliament, the same rules that others get on the spot fines for.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said Lady Scotland wishes to apologise for "any inadvertent mistake".

She's now got Gorgon fighting her corner .. .. .. she's doomed.

Why is the BBC taking this apologetic line of reporting with this story? Surely someone can muster the balls to suggest that she should resign for gross incompetence?

tory cuts, labour investment

I've been having a dig around through the PMQs podcasts on the Number10 site and thought I'd snip part of PMQs for posterity. When you hear Gordon talking about reducing public spending listen to the clip to remind yourself what he said on the 17th Jun 2009 .. .. ..

best pick up line. ever

ITV have been running teaser trailers for Trinity their new mystery drama set in the halls of an exclusive university. Episode 1 contains what is possibly the best pick up line ever. If you missed it you can watch episode 1 in the ITVPlayer .. .. .. fast forward to 38:38 for the beginning of this exchange

Rosalind: Are you aware of the fact that I'm 45th in line to the throne?

Theo: Well that's not that close is it?

Rosalind: That's not the point

Theo: What is the point?

Rosalind: The point is have you ever come on a member of the royal family?

decarbonisation

"What has now become clear is that the push toward decarbonisation will be one of the major drivers of global and national economic growth over the next decade" - Gordon 'Terminator' Brown

that was short lived

BBC Breakfast was on as I was getting ready for work this morning. Their business presenter Simon Jack was very excited about the huge gains the stockmarket was making, telling us that the FTSE had nearly recovered to the point before the Lehman Brothers collapse. All was looking good.



But now, less than 5 hours later, gloom has resumed.

recycling vs health and safety

From the Isle of Wight County Press:

POLICE have delivered a major blow to an Island charity that recycles bicycles to Africa.Hampshire Constabulary has cut off the supply of unclaimed stolen bikes from its lost property store — saying it feared being sued if someone was hurt using one.Now, instead of being recycled and used, the bikes are scrapped.

Constabulary property manager Lucy Jenkins said: "It would be irresponsible for Hampshire Constabulary to release bicycles to charities without first assuring they are safe for the public to use. Unfortunately, the force does not have the resources available to conduct the necessary checks on every bicycle in its possession. If the force released bicycles without appropriate checks and someone was injured due to the bicycle being unsafe, any compensation paid to that person by the force would come from the public purse, diverting funds from other policing areas."

Players of Mark Wadsworth's Victimhood Poker please take note - health and safety beats recycling if there is a constable in the flop.

a fireside chat from gordon brown

Ahead of his trip to Copenhagen Gordon has released an audio track for your entertainment. Why he has avoided using youtube again is beyond me. The original can be heard here but what he really wanted to say was more like this:

what a lovely pair of (water) melons

You may have missed the news that watermelon has ingredients that deliver Viagra-like effects to the body’s blood vessels and may even increase libido. Cheaper than the little blue pills and if bought in pairs the single man can take advantage of the effect. Apparently.

strange associates

From the BBC:

Patient charity Action Against Medical Accidents (AAMA) has called for a change in the law to make reporting of misdiagnoses a mandatory requirement of doctors.

Having a quick look through their annual report to see if they are another fakecharity which name do I find on their council of management?

Sion Simon MP. I mean, why would you?

youtube and proper bloggers

Many thanks to Plato for reminding me just how vile this cock is, but also for the quality put downs regarding proper bloggers that ooze from his flapping facial hole. I wonder if he could be approached for a quote about Gordon's youtube output?

w8 4 it

A brilliant new idea from the British Council is exposed over at Old Holborn's place. Teaching teachers how to teach text speak! There's even a handy pdf file for you to download.

Task 1 is a short quiz to get students into the topic. Task 2 is a matching activity which introduces students to a lot of the texting abbreviations in current usage in Britain. Task 3 gives students the chance to practise writing text messages and Task 4 is a lead-in for the reading text in Task 5 which looks at how text messaging is being used in some innovative contexts in the UK. Task 6 is a fun way to teach students the language of punctuation through emoticons. This lesson could be combined with tasks from the Essential UK on mobile phones.(pdf file)

Maybe we could spend more time teaching, I don't know, written English?

dwp job ad

The DWP are looking for a payroll modeller in West Yorkshire and the small print after the vacancy details includes these aims

* DWP is committed to providing services which embrace diversity and which promote equality of opportunity. We also offer a guaranteed interview scheme for disabled applicants who meet our minimum selection criteria.

* We will not tolerate discrimination on any of the following: gender, marital status, sexual orientation, race, colour, nationality, religion, age, disability, HIV positivity, working pattern, caring responsibilities, trade union activity, or political beliefs - or any other grounds.

How are those two compatible?

If they are offering a guaranteed interview for disabled applicants why are they not offering the same for non-disabled applicants?

funny money

Brixton has joined Lewes, East Sussex, and Totnes, Devon, in the local currency experiment.

If enough of these schemes take off will people just ditch sterling?

Spare a thought for the people of Maidstone though. It is rumoured the the Maidstone Pound will bear the face of Ann Widdecombe.

the independent: compare and contrast

Ambush Predator tells the tale of the escalating 'rubbish wars' in Leeds with a link to an article in The Independent.

But the passions brought out by the bitter stand off between 600 striking bin men and the city council leader .. .. .. have taken a more sinister turn. Yesterday West Yorkshire Police were continuing to question six people arrested in connection with an attack on the home of Leeds City Council leader Richard Brett, the man who has become the public face of opposition to the workers' demands. Fourteen bags of rubbish were dumped on the doorstep of the Liberal Democrat's home in the north of the city...

When The Independent reported a story the day before about protesters dumping waste on the drive of an 'opponent' it didn't describe the action as sinister. If anything it seemed to be supporting the action

The activists from environmental group Climate Rush unloaded the bag-loads of manure at his home in Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire, with a banner which read "this is what you're landing us in". The seven female protesters, dressed as suffragettes, made the stop outside Clarkson's home as part of their month-long horse-and-cart road show around the south west of England to raise awareness of climate issues. "I'm dumping dung at Clarkson's gates so he might understand that his attitude will land us all in the shit."

If irresponsible hacks at the Indy hadn't given media exposure to the first group then maybe this copycat incident would not have happened?

bt phone scam

From the BBC

BT is warning customers to be on their guard after a series of phone scams involving people claiming to be calling from the company. The scammers call up their victim and warn them that their account is in arrears. They then ask for card or bank details in order to settle the account.

I'm sure that this was accepted practice from BT about 10 years ago?

I NEVER give out any details to cold callers. Ever. I will sometimes confirm information that they already have but will never knowingly add to it in any way.

pot and kettle

From the BBC

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg is to turn his fire on David Cameron by labelling him the "conman of British politics".

Speaking at the start of his party's conference in Bournemouth, Mr Clegg will* accuse the Tory leader of saying anything to win the next election.

HaHAHAHAhahaHAHAHaHAhaha




*Yet another example of pre-empting a political speech. When will this end?

derren brown sticking the nation

Mrsff and I have just watched the Derren Brown subliminal event video. I wasn't affected at all. Mrsff on the other hand .. .. .. .. immobilised for over 10 minutes by it.

Derren Brown is a witch! Burn him!!!!

toilet humour

The photo was taken in the science block of a 6th form college by one of my employees. YaaY students!

windows 7

TLB has been telling me that this week his not-yet-on-sale-in-the-shops operating system (although available for download) has installed 14 security updates.

14!

moob jobs

The Sun has a story today about moob-jobs, which is very similar to the story they ran in May 09, and also to the one they ran in Feb 08. Today's story is complete with a quote from BAAPS, the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, and depending on whether you read the online version or the print version then the stats are a little different.

Print: In 2003 22 men had a moob-job, in 2008 it is 323 (although could be three times higher)

Online: More than 1,000 British blokes forked out more than £2,000 to get rid of their flabby breasts in the last 12 months.

Print: 1000% rise

Online: 44% year-on-year rise

Confused? Me too. For the rise to be 1000% from the 2003 figure of 22 moob-jobs then there would need to have been 220 procedures performed in 2008. As the report claims that there were 323 then that is nearer 1500% than 1000%.

The 44% claim of a year on year rise ties into the story from Feb 08 that has the 2007 figure as 224 operations and also with the much less sensational story from earlier this year.

There is an idea that if men had breasts they would spend all day playing with them. I guess this proves that wrong?

no relief through lap dancing

Ms Harriet is asking The Badger to remove tax relief on corporate events that exclude female employees and form part of the wider sex industry, according to Yahoo News.

Ms Harman said that going to lap-dancing clubs should not be regarded as a legitimate business expense.

Unlike having a moat cleaned, paying for 'adult movies' or duck houses which are all perfectly legitimate .. .. ..

She told a meeting on Thursday: "Entertaining in lap-dancing clubs has the effect of excluding women. It's wrong, both in excluding women in the workplace, but is also part of a larger industry of exploitation of women and selling sex, so we have to look at it in both respects.

Excluding women in the workplace? I thought that lap-dancing clubs employed mainly women?

Why should you be able to get tax relief for a night out at a lap-dancing club where effectively you are discriminating against women employees in doing so?

Ahhh .. .. women employees of the company that attends! Are you suggesting that companies don't employ women who like to watch other women writhing around on stage? Careful there Ms Harriet or the Equalities Minister will attack you for making homophobic comments .. .. .. ..

transgender operation at 12 years old

The Sun has a story of a boy who has begun the change into a girl over the summer holidays.

A BOY aged 12 turned up at school as a GIRL - after changing sex during the summer holidays. Over the summer holidays his parents changed his name to a female one by deed poll. He is preparing to undergo hormone treatment and surgery - and could become the world's youngest sex-swap patient in the coming years.

I have absolutely no idea what that child must be going through but I cannot understand how a 12 year old can make that kind of decision. Juniorff1 has just started secondary school and I don't think that she is capable of making that kind of life altering choice - especially before puberty.

orange ad

Mobile phone operator Orange take a leaf out of the Orange Tango marketing book.

daily mail science stories

The full details of how the Daily Mail generates science content can be found here .. .. .. ..

photshop tip #4

When you have to extract an image for an article on footware make sure you pay special attention to the footware the model is wearing?

illegal employee?

The press has had a field day with the tale of Baroness Scotland and the cleaner who is reportedly not eligible to work in the UK. I had a quick dig through my paperwork and easily found the Home Office letter and guidance book (low quality scans on google docs) that was sent out prior to the regulations coming into force. It includes two lists from which a potential employee must produce documents, and the employer must copy and keep those documents, to provide a statutory defence.

Even though the cleaner has apparently been fired if Baroness Scotland cannot provide copies of those documents then she has broken the law and faces a fine of £5,000

downfall - nhs food bingo edition

Traction Man has caused a bit of a stir in the MSM today and taking his post as inspiration I give you Downfall - NHS food bingo

gas meter

This morning I was supposed to be having my gas meter changed over. The existing one has been in place for about 17 years and apparently it needs to be changed for (potential) safety reasons. The only effect that has on me is that I had to be at work early to allow them access but that was no real hardship.

The men arrived carrying the new meter, knocked on the door and I let them in and showed them where the existing meter lives. They looked for about 10 minutes before attracting my attention. They only supplied with one type of new meter and the size and shape of the new meter make it impossible to fit in the space where the old meter lives.

Hey ho.

hospital food bingo

As you open your newspaper this morning you may notice a story about NHS food bingo and the blog written by Traction Man.

Comparing the pictures with my own experience a few years ago it looks like the food has improved.

A lot.

Not that I'd wish it on anyone though. What the pictures can't convey is the taste, or the lack of taste masked by overuse of herbs and spices.

have they never seen a bike before?

As seen in Tesco by Buckle

barack g

Nationalised healthcare opponents in the USA are being accused of racism.



HAT TIP to steveshark

mr 10%

There's an awful lot of people who are claiming that Gordon Brown lied, misled, deceived and lied to MPs over planned spending cuts. Treasury documents reveal that there are plans to reduce spending by 9.3% over the coming years.

9.3% is not 10%, and on the scale of the budget those extra 0.7 percents add up to a large amount of cash that the Tories would not be spending.

Gordon did not lie.

His plan is to spend more money that the Tories plan to spend.

The "Labour investment or Tory cuts" argument is still true.

Technically.




This guest post was brought to you by Peter Mandelson

national walk and shop day

Today, September 16th, is National Walk and Shop Day. You didn't know?



Me neither.

tuc calls to stamp out high heels

With all of the trivial things that the TUC could be discussing it's nice to see that they chose a hugely important topic for debate. A motion that “High heels may look glamorous on the Hollywood catwalks but are completely inappropriate for the day-to-day working environment.” was proposed by Lorraine Jones, and seconded by NEC member and president of the GMB Mary Turner.

Only last week Ms Jones was quoted in a press release saying

That’s not to say we shouldn’t wear fashionable shoes or high heels, but it does mean that we should give our feet a break and see an expert if there is something wrong.

which is a slightly different message from the one she delivered yesterday

The women who were forced into the bondage of arched heels risked long-term health problems such as knee damage, corns and bunions, she said. “We are not trying to ban high heels,” she said. “They are good for glamming up, but they are not good for the workplace.”

A Workers Stiletto Inspectorate? Clipboard and tape measure in hand the inspector crawls across the floor along the line of assembled employees checking that not one heel exceeds the maximum permitted height.. .. .. .. ..

home taping will kill the music industry

I was at a gig recently where the performer was mocking all of the proposed file sharing laws and restrictions. He reminded the audience that back in the Smoke Age the government and big corporations had warned that home taping would kill the industry.

"But 20 years later here we all are."

So the news today that some well known pop tart is attacking some musicians makes me wonder when her next single is due to be released.

cuts

*the mechanic wants rabbits,not sex

.. .. .. and other bizarre google searches that have lead people to look at this blog.

*A number of variations on the "ban sickipedia" theme.

*one person looking for a fake Lena Gercke (she's real, she's met me).

*"manfred escort agency" - I hope you found what you were looking for .. .. .. as I hope the person who wanted to know "how to bring up sex in a conversation?" managed to find advice (If I'd known before I'd have told you to just fucking ask).

*"i hate everyone's a winner crap" - I couldn't agree more, and so does Kelly Holmes.

*"getting clit pierced video" - piercings aren't my thing, sorry.

*"flipnote porn" - is that really the only use you can find for a DSi?

*"dongshy" - still not a swearword, is it?

*but overwhelmingly people wanted to know "is she filthy?" - the answer is yes. Every single time.

run eddie run

Eddie Izzard stops for a photo opportunity during his fundraising 43 marathons in 51 days.

mr potatocameron

I've been having a play with an image of the six fingered one .. ..

RIP keith floyd

I'll miss your unbounded enthusiasm for all things culinary and wine fuelled delivery.

even more reasons to own a small business

Via NotaSheep I found this Telegraph piece this morning.

Workers who fall ill during their holidays could now claim the time back from their employers following a landmark European Court of Justice judgment. The court ruled that employees had the right to ask for statutory leave to be "reallocated" when it was spoilt by sickness. Under the terms of the judgement, employees would even be allowed to carry any annual leave ruined by illness over into the next holiday year.

Of course it's going to prove popular among the majority of the population because they are employees not employers but the idea that you can only be sick on company time?

Oh, and if you have to take time off work because of a lengthy illness or injury then you can have even more time off work the year after which your employer will have to accommodate.

Fucking ridiculous.

award winning film

This movie, made by children with learning difficulties with the aid of the charities Carousel and First Light, has already won two regional awards and has now been nominated for further recognition.

Well done Joseph.

tobacco and primary medical services bill

From the BBC

The Scottish Government has been urged to toughen up proposed new tobacco laws to stop adults buying cigarettes for underage smokers. The parliament's health committee said ministers should make it a criminal offence to buy tobacco for under-18s.

The committee's call came during its consideration of government plans to curb the number of young smokers. Scottish ministers have said they want to cut the proportion to less than 23% by 2012. The drive came amid recent figures from health officials which indicated the number of young people smoking in Scotland had returned to a level last seen almost 10 years ago.

The smoking ban in enclosed spaces has had the opposite effect to the one desired in Scotland and raising the minimum age of tobacco purchase has been a resounding failure in reducing uptake of smoking.

When will they learn that ever increasing authoritarian controls are not the way?

another day, another health scare

Showering may be bad for your health, say US scientists

here we go again .. .. ..

The BBC is reporting the results of a study of 50 shower heads conducted in 9 cities in 7 states of the USA.

Tests revealed nearly a third of devices harbour significant levels of a bug that causes lung disease. Levels of Mycobacterium avium were 100 times higher than those found in typical household water supplies.

That sounds scary! What can I do to minimise the risk?*

Lead researcher Professor Norman Pace, said: "If you are getting a face full of water when you first turn your shower on, that means you are probably getting a particularly high load of Mycobacterium avium, which may not be too healthy."

So I can let the shower run for a while like, for example, when I let the temperature balance after first switching it on? Oh, ok then, no real panic is there?



* Apart from promise to replace the broken shower sometime in 2008 and still not have completed the work .. ..

getting stoned

The BBC is reporting new legislation passed in the Indonesian province Aceh.

Indonesia's province of Aceh has passed a new law making adultery punishable by stoning to death, a member of the province's parliament has said. The law was passed unanimously by Aceh's regional legislature, said assembly member Bahrom Rasjid

Sharia law was partially introduced in Aceh in 2001, as part of a government offer to pacify separatist rebels.

Married people convicted of adultery can be sentenced to death by stoning. Unmarried people can be sentenced to 100 lashes with a cane.

The law also imposes severe sentences for rape, homosexuality, alcohol consumption and gambling.

Hands up if you want sharia law in the UK?

an episode at the bank

There is a trend in banks for an employee to walk up or down the line asking people if they would like to use the fast deposit drop box instead of queueing. This morning I voiced the thoughts that usually just swirl around in my head as the bright and cheerful bank employee approached. When she asked if there was anything she could do to help today I looked up and said "Well yes there is. You could go and open one of those two empty windows and speed up the service."

"I'm sorry" she replied "but we don't have any trained staff, that could do that job, here at the moment."

Had I continued the next comment was fermenting along the lines of 'the bank can afford to pay you to stand by the queue and direct people to the fast deposit option but does not have enough people in place to do the job that action is replacing?' but instead I backed down. For now.. .. ..