brewers droop

Chaos erupted last night as Treasury enforcers broke up an Alcohol Concern celebration for the recently published off-trade beer sales figures. Relations between the Treasury and Alcohol Concern have been strained since the report revealed that beer sales have plunged by the largest amount in recorded history. The resulting loss of tax revenue could seriously undermine the economic stability of the country.

The Treasury promised to entirely withdraw all funding for anti-alcohol charities. "We pay them to do a job" said a senior enforcer "not to fuck us over like this. We lose money, they lose money. Let's see them survive on public donations."

Concern mounts for Don Shenker who was not seen or heard mouthing off about the dangers of alcohol this morning. His friend is worried that while Don managed to avoid the raid last night (he went home after the lemonade toasting of their success) he may have been subsequently abducted and taken to a high security taxation facility.


Media organisations were also caught flatfooted by the figures. Frantic calls were made to their stock image providers. The obligatory picture of a Burberry cap wearing acne ridden chav teen swigging from a can of high strength lager is no longer representative of what is actually happening in run down parks across the country as a single bottle of vodka is much easier to steal than a case of beer. Photographers have been dispatched to capture the true spirit of problem teen drinkers.