broadband

Internet providers have announced a new breakthrough in broadband speed. Called super-dooper-fuck-me-thats-quick broadband they hope that this new industry standard can be rolled out to the whole country in the near future.

Dita Exchange, author of the report Providing Internet Resources Above Their Expectations, added that the SDFMTQ broadband required an entirely new network of cables to be laid. "As soon as Lord Mandelson has spent the £1 billion pounds promised to install the lower grade cables " said Dita, "they will need to be dug up and replaced with entirely new cables capable of handling SDFMTQ speeds. We can't even leave the old cables in the ground in case they overheat under the strain."