domestic

Rumours are circulating that Tony Blair, in between giving evidence to a war crimes tribunal, will make a startling domestic return. We tried to get an interview with him to confirm or deny the rumours but he would not talk to us. Instead Cherie spoke through her letterbox.

"I've been really depressed recently" she said. "He's been jetting off around the world, going to meetings and giving lectures in the US, while I've been left at home looking after the kids. He does this every fucking time I fire one out of my foetid womb."

"Well I've had enough. If he wants to get me up the duff then he has to take some responsibility and change a nappy once in a while. Or make the beds, do the hoovering, or even cook a meal, that kind of thing."