A senior minister has once again reassured the country that there is enough gas to go around. He denied that the nation would run out.
"Wild rumours have been circulating regarding the gas supply for the country and so I'm here today to confirm that we have the situation under control" he said. "I will now outline for you our action plan for dealing with this minor blip in the weather which we expect to return to positive growth in the very near future."
"We have taken steps to put in place the foundations for a committee to assess the operational viability of the long term strategy of temporarily discontinuing the supply to homes of bankers and anyone who earns more than Gordon Brown" said the minister. "This visionary approach will ensure that there is enough supply for the vulnerable families, and the families of key voters, who really need it."
"We have made all the necessary arrangements to get the country through the Celsius Crunch." he continued "It may have started in Europe and spread throughout the UK but I am pleased to announce that we are best placed to lead the world out of negative temperatures."
"I'd also like to give a brief update on the rock-salt fairness program that we initiated yesterday. As of 18:00 hours today over 3,000 tonnes of road grit have been successfully redistributed from the councils that had made proper preparations for the cold weather to those that need it."