newsflash

[studio]"Tragedy struck today in Afghanistan after a communication mix up left eight men dead. Big Brother producers have promised a full enquiry into the incident once this, thankfully the last, run of the show is over."

"We don't have much in the way of confirmed facts but our specialist media investigations team has been piecing together what we do know. We can go over now to our reporter Gloria Hunter who is close to the scene. Gloria?"

[location]"Thank you Anne. I'm here in Afghanistan about a mile away from the base where the tragedy occurred. From my vantage point it would seem that everything is settling down as the soldiers try to pick up the pieces and carry on with their lives. Those who I've spoken to are in shock. None of them can believe what happened today. The commander of the base gave a press interview earlier today."

[film] "Earlier today the commander of the base where the tragedy occurred gave a statement to the gathered media"

"We are all deeply shocked by what happened today. Our initial enquiries into the incident suggest that this was all a freakish accident. The man who detonated the bomb had demanded that a newly enlisted soldier get him C4 and we are fairly confident now that he meant the television station not the plastic explosive. I can't say any more than that until the investigation is complete. Thank you"

[location]"For those of you who haven't been following this story let me fill you in with some background. Ever since the cast list for this, the final, Big Brother series had been announced a number of articles have appeared in the media claiming that Katie Price has insisted that her ex-partners should not discuss her while in the house. As that effectively ruled out all conversation between the housemates channel 4 were about to pull the plug on the show when the mystery man, who it seems accidentally blew himself up today, contacted them. He offered reams of salacious gossip that could be overdubbed onto the show thus ensuring decent ratings. In return he demanded that they hide him somewhere safe for a minimum of 3 years. The latest theory is that he was trying to contact the show's producers with another nugget of gossip when tragedy struck."



[studio]"Thank you Gloria. So that's what we know so far. We are unsure at this point how this will affect the screening of BB7 but we are hoping to get an interview with one of the shows' producers as soon as possible."