picking

A new government scheme that will create over 50,000 new jobs has been announced. The Why Pick Your Own? initiative has been running a small pilot in Cambridge area for the last 10 months with very positive results.

The Minister for Girls Who Look Like Boys has embraced the initiative. "When we set up the Future Jobs Fund we were looking for creative ways to spend money" she said "and this certainly meets the requirements. Money has already been made available for the first round of employment and we hope to expand on that later in the year."

The scheme is the brainchild of 13 year old Lacey Lardarse. "I had a really blocked nose one day but I couldn't summon the energy or enthusiasm to pick it" she said. "Eventually I paid my little brother 20p and he did it for me."

"From there the idea snowballed. She was paying him 20p to pick spots, 10p to pick the fluff out of her toes and 30p to pick the tops off her bedsores" added Lacey's mum. "By the end of the week she'd spent all of my benefit cheque. Now the government has backed the idea I can afford to buy booze and fags again."

If the scheme is as success there are plans to expand it into other areas. Specialist government employees will be recruited so that people won't have to go to the bother of picking things such as their jobs, the place where they live, or the people who run the country.