ransom

Wrexham council's executive board have voted to adopt a new money making plan. From April 2010 they will begin kidnapping supermarket trolleys and holding them to ransom.

"It works for those pirates from Somalia" said the head of the board "and we want some of that action. If we see a trolley on its own we plan to bundle it into a van and take it to a secluded location."

"From there on in we will follow the traditional route of a ransom situation. A letter demanding money will be posted to the supermarket. If they refuse to pay up we will start sending them pieces of the trolley; first a wheel, then the handle. We're confident that this will break their spirit and they'll pay us the £60 we want for its release."

Supermarket bosses in the area have confirmed that it is their policy never to give money to kidnappers or terrorists. "Any matters of this nature" said one store manager "are immediately referred to the police. We do not negotiate with criminals."