thieving grits

The Army were pulled out of Afghanistan and brought home to the UK last night to set up a cordon around government property after thieves attempted to steal it last night. Police have been drafted in from forces across the country to catch the audacious criminals.

The head of Soft Cell, the Environment Minister, reacted angrily to the news of the thefts. "Don't you bastards understand," he said "that stealing from the government is wrong? How dare you take something that belongs to us. We benevolently took control of the salt supplies for the good of the country and this is how you repay our magnanimity?"

Chief Supineintendent Rozaline Onnem, who is leading the investigation into the crime, is confident of quickly catching the culprits. She already has a number of leads and is following up reports of some suspiciously clear driveways.

If you have any further information about the crime you can call the incident room on 03463 687 4748