matrices

In an unusual case brought before the high court today Ms Inga Real-Iteeczech claimed that her 17 children were fathered by children's TV favourite Bob the Builder. She went on to claim that Bob had disguised himself as a string of her partners over that time with the express intention of repeatedly impregnating her.

When results of DNA tests showed that none of the children could possibly be the offspring of the celebrity builder Inga, acting as her own counsel, claimed that the samples had been tampered with and the results could only be described as inconclusive at best. The defence claim that Bob the Builder was actually younger than 8 of his alleged offspring was also dismissed by the plaintiff as being irrelevant.

None of this persuaded the judge however who threw the case out of court just in time for lunch. "I've never heard such utter bollocks" he said "and many of the members of the club that I'm retiring to for lunch are MPs or Lords."

On the steps of the court Bob, flanked by Dizzy, Scoop, Roley, Muck and Lofty, held the hand of his long time secretary/friend Wendy while speaking to the gathered media. "I'm glad this is all over" he said "because I've got to get to JJ's to pick up some new slates for Farmer Pickles' new cowshed. If we don't get that finished the cows won't have a place to sleep tonight."



H/T to CharonQC