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Washed-up pop has-been Dannii Minogue has announced that she will not be auditioning for X-Factor this year after failing yet again to reach the live final. Even though she made it through to boot camp last year, her best achievement by far, she has decided to throw in the towel. In the previous three years she fell foul of Simon's acidic tongue at the televised audition stage of the event.

Friends of Ms Minogue have urged her to audition this year as an emotional back story always helps win over the public. "She really wanted to be a pop star" said one. "Giving up now when she could actually get a record deal would be such a waste."

"I'm sure that she could somehow persuade Simon to give her another chance. She does have plenty of *life experience* to guide her"

Members of the public were bemused when we told them that Dannii would not be auditioning this year. None of them could remember her, or for that matter the act that actually won the show, from the last series.