absolute rubbish

News from Devon of a brilliantly thought out* scheme by officials at East Devon District Council. Residents who leave their wheelie bins out with the lid open slightly will not have their rubbish collected. Overflowing bins will be labelled "Bin lid open, making it unsafe to empty" by collection staff from waste company Sita. The bins will be collected on the next round two weeks later if the lid is by then in the down position. Unless it's Xmas and New Year when the opportunity for cogitation will be extended to four or five weeks.

"The enforced 'cooling off' period will allow residents to consider the danger of their actions" said Norbert Clipboard**, Head of Environmental Mismanagement at the council. "Our computer models show that after two weeks the volume of refuse in the wheelie bin will have dramatically reduced, especially with the hotter summers that the Met Office is predicting, allowing new refuse to be safely added. Naturally we expect the homeowner to manage their waste output efficiently during their reduced collection period."

Local residents cannot believe that they will be expected to fit 4 weeks worth of refuse into a bin that is only designed to hold 10 days worth of waste. "If we couldn't get the fucking lid closed at the last collection how the fuck will we fit another 2 weeks worth of rubbish in?" asked one. "This is just a cynical attempt to force us into taking our own rubbish to the tip. Will our council tax go down to reflect this? Like fuck it will."







*The eagle-eyed among you will, of course, have noticed the relevance of the time and date of this post.

**Not to be confused with Nora Clipboard the statuesque local celebrity from West Devon who has, among other things, local hills named after the impressive swell of her ample cleavage. As honourary patron of the local spelunking society she can also list a number of local underground features that have derived their names due to her frequent intervention.