ring tone therapy

Civil servants based in Whitehall have rushed to download new ringtones available from Japan. Even though the claims that the ringtones will relieve stress remain unproven the frantic pace at which they are being snapped up by interns shows little sign of slowing.

As we get closer to the day when the Prime Minister has no option but to announce the date of the general election rumours have surfaced of a group in Downing Street, known only as "The Call Girls", who take it in turns to endlessly ring each others mobile phones in a desperate attempt to bring calm and tranquillity to their workplace. The near continuous stream of soothing sounds that echo around the ministerial bunker has, however, started to fray the tempers of some.

"The joke is starting to wear a little thin" said Lord Spent Enema "and quite frankly it's getting to be rather grating. It's more than a little childish don't you think?"

"The public are clamouring for us to reduce the deficit and I can see the opportunity to make some early efficiency savings"