sensible

Alistair Darling is preparing a 'sensible' budget say the headlines in the definitely-not-briefed-at-all-oh-no-we-haven't-been media preparing the way for ridicule of anyone who dares to object to any of his announcements tomorrow. Any deviation from the government approved response to the budget will be widely proclaimed as "Unsensible".

A team of media savvy Labour supporters has been sequestered to scour the interwebs tomorrow to denounce en masse anyone who dares to criticise the Chancellor. Once a rogue opinion has been spotted they will band together to attack the poster of the errant comment to give the impression that the overriding response to Alistair's speech is a positive one.

One of the key announcements that is definitely-not-expected-because-noone-has-been-briefed is that the government has created a windfall of nearly £12 billion by simply not borrowing as much money as they thought they would have to and these extra funds can be used towards paying off the £178 billion budget deficit. It is believed that the Chancellor will extend this brilliant strategy by not borrowing £1 trillion in the next financial year creating a surplus large enough to completely pay back all of the country's debt. The Tories are completely wrong-footed by this unannounced plan because their best minds hadn't come up with such a brilliantly simple way to solve the financial shit-heap that 13 years of continual over-spending has created.

Other sensible suggestions will include a requirement for all banks to provide anyone with a bank account irrespective of their credit history. All too often banks have discriminated against people based solely on their previous appalling financial management history and prevented them from entering the electronic transaction tracking systems that the government has set up. This situation is clearly contrary to all sensible thinking and therefore will be resolved by the Chancellor tomorrow.