ash brings uk flights to a standstill

The skies above the UK are much quieter than usual today as all flights have been grounded because of the presence of ASH. Their director, Deborah Arnott, is demanding that the government brings forward plans to ban smokers from aeroplanes.

"While the government has made good progress in victimising smokers we feel they could be doing much much more" erupted Ms Arnott "and we will continue to cause disruption in different areas until they make good on their promises to us."

"Today we have brought the airports to a standstill. Next week we will clog up every accident and emergency department in the country unless our demands are met."

ASH are demanding that smokers be banned from all public and communal transport, be denied access to the NHS, and be prevented from becoming parents. Unless all of their conditions are met they insist they will continue to cause havoc and disruption.

"My team has spent years producing corrupt research and dodgy statistical analysis, scare stories and outrage for the media and to what end?" insisted Debs. "To be ignored by the very people who challenged us to produce the results they required? Enough is enough."