irresponsible drinking

The Home Office has announced that, from today, irresponsible drinking is to be banned. The raft of new measures announced today have been hailed as a brilliant move towards more responsible drinking practices.

"The new measures are a brilliant move towards more responsible drinking practices" said a spokesperson from the Ministry for Liquids and Drinking Vessels. "They build on existing legislation to complement our other initiatives in this area."

The mandatory code includes

• A prohibition for chipped and cracked drinking vessels (for definitions see appendix 1)
  
• A full risk assessment procedure that must be completed and witnessed before the commencement of any drinking activity
• Statutory definitions of 'hot' and 'cold' drinks
• Government approved vessel grip orientation (see appendix 2, diagrams a-e)

"This landmark legislation will encourage the sharing of best practice" continued the LaDV spokesperson, "and gives us a new opportunity to homogenise drinking standards in a way that promotes fairness for everyone."

A new pamphlet to inform the public how to comply with the new legislation, and details of how to report suspected illegal consumption practices, will be delivered to every house and business in the country later this week.