keep quiet!

Chiefs at Gatwick Airport have been forced to insist that all aeroplanes landing and taking off are fitted with extra sound-proofing after complaints from local residents. Extra restrictions such as soft tyres, scarves tied around the engine casings, oiling aeroplane brake pads to prevent squealing and reducing take off speeds by 90% are also being considered.

The complaints have all come from residents of a block of flats that is constructed 20 metres away from runway three. They say that the level of noise they are experiencing is affecting their quality of life which breaches Section 7, para III, subsection iv, appendix 4.2a, note 53, point 13b of the European Crustacean of Human Rights. If the noise level doesn't decrease the local environmental health officers have threatened to slap a noise abatement order on the site which carries a potential penalty of fifty pounds and a stern telling off from a magistrate.

"It's ridiculous" said one of the residents. "Every 45 seconds it's like having a plane taking off next to your bedroom window. I know my rights and I shouldn't have to put up with that kind of disturbance in my home. I know that many of the residents have contacted the council and asked them for their help in stopping this noise hazard."

When it was suggested to the whiny resident that he shouldn't have moved in to the area if he was worried about the noise, given that the airport has been in use since 1920 and the flats are just 6 months old he got very angry and slammed the door in our face.