outbid

A man who bid against himself on ebay suffered a second blow today when a court convicted him of gross stupidity and fraud. Tough new sentencing guidelines that were surreptitiously slipped through parliament as part of the Digital Economy Bill mean that he is facing an eleventy billions pound fine for his crime when he returns for sentencing next month.

The defendant described his actions as "a simple, honest, mistake" caused by having two separate ebay accounts and not checking the items he was bidding for in each account against the other. He claimed not to realise that he was committing an offence be forcing up the final price he paid for the items.

Lord Spent Enema, the Minister for Everything, hailed the punishment as a brilliant success for the judicial system. "This is a brilliant success for the judicial system" he said. "It sends the message to criminals that here in the UK we are serious about, and tough on, electronic crime."

"The Conservatives probably would have opposed the D.E. Bill if it had gone to a proper vote. This judgement shows that they were wrong on that, wrong on the economy, wrong on the recovery, wrong on jobs, in fact wrong on every major crisis the government has caused in the last thirteen years" he continued. "The only credible choice in the election is to vote for 5 more years of Gordon Brown by voting either Labour or Lib Dem. Only a strong Labour government, or a Lab-Lib coalition, can reduce the deficit in a socially responsible way while continuing to increase spending on public services."