promenading

"Excuse me sir" said the Sargeant in charge of the cells. "Your fine has been paid and you are free to leave." I looked up to see the faces of mother and father staring at me from the other side of the bars. Hers was full of worry. His full of something I'd never seen when he looked at me before - admiration.

Yesterday afternoon I had determined that I would take Penelope to the picturesque Kentish town of Herne Bay for a light picnic supper and a stroll along the promenade. I have to confess an ulterior motive was behind the plans. I was hoping that a glass of wine in the cool evening air, sitting watching the sun go down, might be just the thing to soften her resistance (but not my ardour) and we might finally consummate our marriage. When I agreed not to pressure her taking our relationship to the next level I had no inkling that now, 6 months since we wed, that I would still be waiting. There is only so much a man can do for himself.

The Principia Aphrodesia had been consulted extensively as I created what I thought would be the perfect repast and packed it into a small travelling case. As the locomotive raced through the countryside we made pleasant small talk and sipped champagne. After a minor delay we alighted on the platform in buoyant mood and when Penelope unexpectedly linked her arm through mine my spirits raised higher still.

Events took a turn for the worse when we reached the waterfront. Almost immediately that we had begun our stroll on the promenade we were approached by an imitation constable who demanded to know whether we'd been drinking. Naturally I waved the little jobsworth away telling them it was none of their damn business and Penelope and I attempted to continue our romantic journey.

The jobsworth positioned himself in front of us and started babbling on about "dispersal this" and "anti-social that" and thwarted our attempts to ignore him. When he went to grab my wife's arm I drew myself up to full height and vigorously defended her honour. Perhaps, it seems, a little too vigorously.

Even after a night of sober reflection in the dingy cells of the police station I still cannot believe that a young couple, such as we are, could constitute a group of people that require dispersing. Whoever designed this draconian intervention needs to revisit their Ordinary Level General Certificate of Education for Mathematics as two is generally regarded as a pair by even the simplest of buffoons.

As my parents escort me from the premises into the waiting and welcoming arms of my wife I detect a spring in father's stride that wasn't there before. It would not be proper to ask him but I think it may be pride......