binge drinking

Researchers have made a startling discovery from examining a 43,000 year old woolly mammoth found frozen intact in Siberia. Blood analysis showed excessively high levels of alcohol that would, so to speak, have felled an elephant.

The revelation has shattered the myth that mammoths were a quiet sober species who liked nothing more than a quiet night at home with their family playing Mammothopoly. Cutting edge theory now suggests that they were more likely to have be vomiting or urinating on war memorials in town centres on a Saturday night. Many scientists are now saying that, given the long winter nights, the lack of a decent TV station and the incredibly low temperatures at the time they never really believed the old theories but went along with them so that they could keep their research grants.

What is perhaps even more surprising about the find is the traces of antifreeze that the spectroanalysis revealed in the sample. Previous data collected on the French wine industry had confirmed the practice in a short period between 1975 and 1987 but this new evidence reveals that mixing antifreeze into alcoholic beverages dates back to pre-motor vehicle times.