an open letter to CEOP

Dear CEOP,

My sons, aged seven and nine, were both sent home at the end of school with copies of the questionnaire pictured above this week. It is aimed at schoolchildren in Key Stage 2 aged between 7 and 11. I've read through it with the older of the two and we both think you are fucking retards (although he expressed this in less colourful language).

Ignoring questions 1 and 2 for their interfering nature one of the responses that could be chosen for question 3 is ridiculous. Shopping? A seven year old? How do you expect them to pay for goods online? As far as I'm aware no bank will issue a child of that age a credit or debit card.

As my son pointed out your chosen responses to question 5 indicate a level of understanding of language that even he finds laughable; specifically the option "Nintendo Wii". There is no website specifically for Nintendo Wii. There are web servers that allow you to play specific games online, there are forums that people use to discuss the Wii, but unlike Club Penguin which is a specific site, there is no "Nintendo Wii" site. To mix the two types of experience into one group of answers displays a gross naiveté and lack of understanding on your part.

The questions about social networking sites worry me greatly. I read the terms of service of Bookface, piczo, and Bebo, all of who say that the minimum member age is 13, and I'm wondering what relevance they have to my seven year old son? As for faceparty well, why the fuckitty fuck would you tell young kids about that site? It's foul, aggressive in nature, and actively encourages kids to use their parents credit cards to sign up for £9 per month 'adult verification' so they can access porn. Why on earth would you put that on my kids radar?

Then the questions about accessing content on mobile phones. How many 7 year olds have a mobile phone, let alone a multimedia capable handset? I may be old fashioned in my views but neither of my sons has a phone capable of that kind of thing.

You end with a question about whether these kids use youtube or wikipedia. Am I to assume that these two sites are next in your sights to target for your "panic button"?

My wife and I agree that the best place for your survey is the recycling bin. We will not be allowing our sons to complete it and we will be writing to the school to alert them to the nature of some of the information you are placing in front of our kids. It's almost as if you are trying to create a problem to justify your continued existence.


Yours deeply unimpressed

manwiddicombe