chesus lives!

The fearless leader of Team Chesus* was spotted in the local pub this evening.. .. .. ..







*Once you've seen the first 20 seconds or so of that youtube vid you've seen it all. The scripting for the animation is all his own work and as he's not yet into double figures chronologically I'm chuffed to bits at the level of ability.

waste of time?

source

Could it be that adults who are fully aware of how long their alarm takes to wake them in the morning actually set it to start the process 15 minutes earlier than they actually need to get up to provide a gentler entry into the morning? Then again, when you've got a product to flog it's cheaper to commission a headline grabbing survey than pay for direct advertising isn't it?

translation error

I've spent most of the last 12 hours driving. I'm tired and my shoulders ache but it's been fun. I've been talking to Eddie86 for a while now across the internet and as we have a mutual appreciation of beer it seemed sensible to drive up to see him after I'd finished yesterday's brew day at work. So I fired up the TomTom and set off and apart from a delay on the A34 the journey was dull. Until I got into Wales and kept on seeing the words "ARAF SLOW" painted on the roads.

Why? Araf clearly means "SMILE" not "SLOW" from the fun I had thrashing my car around those gorgeously windy roads. I trusted the satnav to guide me to my destination (which it did yet again) so I just concentrated on getting the car down the roads as quickly as possible. With a huge grin on my face.

One of Eddie86's friends was also at the meet up who just happens to be the Head Brewer of Breconshire Brewery who invited me to see their operation the following morning. It would have been rude not to go so I did. I took a few photos of their setup but promised not to share them online but I'm envious of the scale of their operation. One day .. .. .. one day .. ..

dumbing down

33 minutes after publishing this story



the headline was changed to





Who'd have thought it? The Granudian? Maybe it thought the readers couldn't understand what vertebrate meant?

non-identical twins

Today was an interesting day at the brewery as we got to meet two new beers for the very first time. Not only was there the inaugural brew of our new Hop Token variation, Hop Token:Summit which is a very pleasant, hoppy, golden brown ale with a mellow fruity aftertaste but also the first quality control test of the Very Merry Andrew (pictured above). Which is special.

Now you may be thinking at this point that I'm just saying that to try to justify the price tag that we're hanging on a bottle (£5 for 500ml) or that because I've had a hand in creating this 9.2% ABV beer that I'm a little biased but let me say this. I'm not a fan of strong dark beers; I much prefer light, hoppy, pale, summery ales.

This beer should be magnificent in 12 months time providing we can keep our hands off it. With a large dose of "you had to be there" the conversation today, as we progressed with bottling the Hop Token:Summit, swiftly moved from "we need to leave it as long as possible" to "the anticipation of it's taste will keep us excited" to "fuck it crack one open and see how it's doing". We hovered over the glass as it was poured and took turns with the ritual of testing the aroma before holding some on the palette to check the taste. It has less sweetness than the Merry Andrew and already the depth of flavour is astonishing. Hints of caramel, raisin, and a really discrete coffee tang, to name but a few are already showing after 4 days in the bottle. And you can *feel* the alcohol.

The Hop Token:Summit seems to have been ignored in this outpouring of beery love doesn't it? Please don't misunderstand. It's not that I don't like it because I do and I'll be drinking a fair few pints of it once it is conditioned and ready for sale. If we'd resisted the temptation to crack the VMA then this whole post would be waxing lyrical about the HT:S but we couldn't hold out any longer and this post has become what it is. The brewery had always intended that Hop Token would be a range of beers all flavoured with a different hop but the phenomenal success of the first, Hop Token: Amarillo, caught them by surprise. It's been a challenge to keep up with the constant demand through the summer but now that we're on top of the supply / demand cycle we have managed to brew, cask and bottle the HT:S. If it sells well then the next Hop Token in the series will be .. .. .. ..

now there's an idea

I know some would like to take it one step further .. .. .. ..

safe sex

Not what you're thinking. Not what you're thinking at all.

banking

Watching BBC Breakfast this morning raised my frustration levels. Yet again we are being told that banks need to start lending to small businesses to get the economy moving while being reminded that the banks were lending irresponsibly which caused the credit crunch. Well which fucking way round do you want it Bill and Sian? Either you want banks to lend responsibly or they're evil fucks for throwing money at all and sundry without knowing if the people they lent to can ever repay the money.

Do you think you could make your fucking minds up?

bottled beetle

[photo taken using my mobile phone]

The Very Merry Andrew has fermented out at approximately 9.2% ABV and we were looking at the 330ml bottles in the hope that we could use them tomorrow for this extremely potent brew. Unfortunately the elements had worked their way through the packaging. As had beetles, slugs, snails, spiders and worms. Plan B is to use the 500ml bottles instead.

As only the second person ever to test the Very Merry Andrew can I just say WOW! this thing has a kick that leaves the tongue tingling. Definitely one for Xmas day if you can get hold of it. The limited size of the brew, and lack of 330ml bottles, means that there will be a maximum of 200 bottles available this year. We are hoping that another 200 will be set aside for next year by which time the flavours will have matured to provide a more satisfyingly complex drink.

The rest of the day was spent with the first run of our new Hop Token variation. We were immensely flattered recently when we found out that another small local brewery has decided to produce a beer flavoured with the same amarillo hops that we used in the first Hop Token incarnation. More on the new beer once it's ready for bottling next week when I can give you a better indication of how it tastes but early indications are it's going to be very good indeed.

boots

They aren't attractive .. .. .. but they will keep my feet safe and dry.

relief

The paperwork is signed by all parties and funds transferred to my solicitor. Keys have been handed over and goodbyes have been said.


Tomorrow I start over .. .. ..

friends

clover

As I wandered to the newsagent with my son this morning I noticed the clover had red spots on its leaves. Closer inspection revealed that some of those spots were shaped like love hearts. I've no idea what causes this but I like it.

stress

As you will know if you've been paying attention I'm selling a business and moving into a new field of work. Right now, at this precise moment in time, I'm ready to do some serious physical damage to someone. Specifically the solicitor representing my buyer.

The sale is a little more complex than it otherwise should have been because of a small oversight 10 years ago that means that I have no written lease agreement. The landlord of the property, myself, and the buyer are not too worried about this and a new lease will be granted to the buyer on completion of the sale. All 3 parties are in agreement about 99% of the detail with a few minor issues to be resolved between the landlord and the buyer but there is absolutely no expectation that they will not be able to negotiate an amicable settlement given that they are related by marriage. Everyone wants the transfer to occur on Monday. Except the buyer's solicitor. Obviously I can't name him at this point but if I could I would. I'd have his photo up here with the name of the practice and tell you all not to put any business his way.

The date of the sale was set by the buyer. The buyer has negotiated changes to clauses in the sale contract and I have agreed them all. I've bent over backwards to make sure that the transfer of the business happens smoothly and will have the minimum impact on profitability of the ongoing operation. The buyer wants it to happen on Monday. I want it to happen on Monday. The landlord of the property, utility companies, suppliers all expect it to happen on Monday. Everyone is expecting the transfer of interest to happen on Monday except for the buyer's solicitor.

Who is working for who? I thought that solicitors worked for their clients not the other way around. If I was paying his fees* I'd have phoned him every day this week telling him to make it happen. I still might. He might try to argue that he is looking out for the interests of his client but if so why isn't he working flat out to make sure that everything is in place and why is he ignoring instructions given to him by the buyer?



If you know the solicitor in question then tell him being within 30 feet of me at any point until the sale has gone through is probably going to end badly for both of us. Thanks.






*I get the impression that the buyer is not one to piss off when it comes to money. She isn't a happy bunny right now because of the extra stress he's causing her. I'd love to be in the office when she sits down with him to discuss his fee for this work. I think he might have to count his fingers once they've shaken on a price.......

one for the ladies

Just enough chocolate to temporarily ease those once a month symptoms .. .. ..

red faces all round

Two teenagers set fire to a garage after attempting to dispose of pornography. Firefighters were called out to the lock-up garage in Boxgrove, Goring at around 4.45pm this afternoon to an out of control fire in a small wood burner that had been filled with pornographic magazines.

The crew from Worthing were quickly able to extinguish the fire before it spread to gas canisters that were also stored in the look-up.

Ooooops!

make a change!

You might have seen my dodgy photo of the carnage caused when a van hit my local pub. Inside the bar they have some pictures of the van that hit the building and this is a photo of one of those photos taken after a couple of beers in dodgy light levels (hence the crappy image quality). Still I think it's worth sharing ... ... ...

It's the second time in a few weeks that a van bearing sponsorship from Brighton and Hove Albion has featured on the blog for the wrong reasons. Where will the third one strike?

with that extra jingle in your pocket

iPhone users

If you want a charger that will amaze and disgust your friends then look no further than the umbilical cord iPhone charger from Japan.

result!

A few months ago while wandering around the local farmer's market my son dragged me to a stall from which he had been busily sampling their products. He made me try a number of different sauces from the range that they had for sale and they were incredibly good. Kids have a habit of liking things today but not tomorrow so we bought one jar of the Hot Thrilli Chilli sauce and took it home along with the cheese, beer and bread we'd already purchased.

Every day for the next three weeks he had Thrilli Chilli sauce on crackers for his school lunch and the jar was starting to look a little empty. Not to worry we thought because the farmer's market is next weekend and we can buy some more. Disaster! They weren't there. Or the following month when we tried again to replenish the supply. We searched for them on the internet but the web address on their jars was an inactive site. The jar had been eeked out, wiped clean, and finally consigned to the recycling bin with a sadness.

Today as we wandered into town the market was up and running and to his great joy they had returned! Chatting to the owner we found out that she'd been snowed under with work, the problems of cybersquatting, and that she now has an active website with an online shop, before we bought 3 jars to keep us going for the next month.

The hottest of the Thrilli Chilli sauces isn't going to win awards for burning people but then that isn't it's aim. Its vibrant mix of flavours has more tang than zing to it and is rich and full of flavours. Excellent cold on bread or crackers it also works to add depth of flavour to pasta sauces or cheese on toast. It gets my seal of approval.

Now if only I could recommend a beer to go with it .. .. .. ..

don't stop digging

bonkers

MOLLYCODDLING council chiefs have been branded barmy for slapping a warning sign on a tree to warn walkers about falling CONKERS. Town hall bosses ordered the poster be pinned to the trunk of the horse chestnut after TWO people complained they had been hit on the head.

A spokesman for St Edmundsbury Borough Council said the park attracted many tourists who may not have been familiar with the large horse chestnut tree. She added: "A couple of people came into our parks office after being hit by falling conkers and asked if we could warn people at this time of year."

It would be easy to ridicule the council for being over cautious about the health and safety of 'tourists' who had never seen a tree or didn't realise that in Autumn things fall out of trees without warning. But no, not today. What gets me is the attitude of the people who reported the 'problem' in the first place. Maybe people are just too fucking stupid to realise that action A may result in effect B and think that others have to be protected from their ignorance. Maybe it's something else .. .. ..

How many times have you heard someone say "I'm not offended/bothered/worried/hurt by it but someone else might be offended/bothered/worried/hurt by it so something must be done"? I've heard it far too often. Concern about the potential ill effects of a situation on the wellbeing of imagined others has been used for far too long as an excuse for influencing, restricting, controlling the actions of others.

The risk averse, offence averse trajectory that we've been propelled along for the last 15 years is making people afraid. Afraid to speak their minds, afraid to make decisions for themselves, afraid to bear the consequences of those decisions. The dominance of the health and safety mindset is sucking the fun out of life. I had hoped that the defeat of the Labour Party at the general election might have sparked a resurgence of the idea of individual responsibility but so far that has failed to materialise.

If I'd been working in that park office the day that either person asked if people could be warned that things fall out of trees in Autumn I think the response may have been a little different .. .. .. ..

going against the grain

At last some good news!

drive through pub?

I didn't think we had them in the UK yet.

along came a spider

No idea at all what type of arachnid this is but my daughter took the photo less than a mile from our house and she said the body was around an inch and a half long.

no pressure

This video has been pulled from youtube for some reason. I can't think why that could be. Oh yes I can. It's akin to inciting religious violence. Cunts.


Thanks to G.O.T. for pointing the way to an alternative video host.

cable tied

While working at the brewery today we noticed the weather had become a touch inclement. We also noticed that the guttering had broken apart on one corner of the building. After re-connecting the two pieces we realised that the reason it had broken in the first place was that the corner was lower than the rest of the gutter and the accumulated weight of the water was enough to snap the pieces apart. The ingenious, and visually appealing, solution to the problem was to lift the corner using cable ties.

There's probably a metaphor in there somewhere but I'm so bloody tired and stressed at the moment I can't be arsed to tease it out. In eighteen days time, assuming that nothing major goes wrong, I'll have sold my existing business. This last week has been a constant stream of emails, phone calls and letters to and from solicitors trying to ensure that every box is ticked, every i is dotted and every t is crossed so that the handover can proceed smoothly. I used to think that selling a house was stressful .. .. .. ..