studious

I've been tagged by Dick Puddlecoat in a game of 'describe your blogging pit'. So .. .. ..


Before I broke my ankle I had converted one of our loft areas* into an office and all of my computer and paperwork things happened there. Post-accident I had to move that to a location in the house that I could easily access** so that I could continue to do paperworky things. The next evolutionary stage was to ditch the desktop and use a laptop which then freed me from a specific location for accessing the material. That said I have a pretty impressive 'Homer Simpson' style indent in the sofa I'm currently sitting on to write this.

In front of me is a sizeable coffee table which has scattered on top an array of glasses, ashtrays, cigarette packs, paper, pens and vapour rub***. On the shelf underneath is 6 months of paperwork from the business I used to own that I still haven't tied up, finished off, and then packed away alongside a printer, calculator or two, some hand cream****, some blank CDs and some empty CD cases. On the floor underneath is an ancient laptop that runs Windows 3.1 that was donated to us but we've never used.

People who enter this room make a series of assumptions about me based on what they see. Four bookcases of books*****, another of CDs and DVDs, a flatscreen TV, a NAD amp and CD player, a Wii and about 30 games, an assortment of lights and chargers for bikes, a collection of alcohol that incorporates 8 single malts****** and various hard drives, wires, cables and adapters. Above my head is an old enamel Craven 'A' advertising sign and on the opposite wall is a framed Keith Haring print. Much to my wife's dismay this room is rarely tidy******* because when I tidy up I lose track of where everything is.. .. ..

In the spirit of internet memes I tag JuliaM, banned and the Filthy Engineer. What is your blogging space like eh? eh?














* that sounds sooooooo much grander than it actually is, I promise.
** climbing a ladder using crutches is not a skill I mastered.
*** 3/5ths of the family have colds/flu and I think I'll succumb within 48 hours
**** you pervert
***** mainly sci-fi
****** I buy them occasionally, drink them less frequently.
******* She read that and gave me one of 'those' looks!

that's not a sex toy!

If a vibrator is no longer categorised as a sex toy then my mind is boggling as to what they could mean*!













*not really, I have a warped and perverted view of the world

turn right ahead

Professor Peter Robinson at Cambridge University is, according to the Telegraph, developing a satnav system that responds to the emotional state of the driver. Apparently a series of processors will monitor facial expressions, hand gestures and voice tone to determine the mental state of the driver and then the satnav will respond accordingly.

Is there actually any call for this? I don't know anyone who wishes their satnav was more sympathetic. Personally I resisted them for years preferring a sturdy road atlas and an able co-driver to navigate across the country but as I make more solo trips now the satnav seemed a sensible investment. I've always found that mine do precisely what I expect them to (I have a free android app on my phone as well as a dedicated device) so why would Prof Robinson feel there is a demand for this technological solution to a non-existent problem?

"I love gadgets like GPS satellite navigation systems but I hate the fact they are so difficult to use, I think they were designed by sadists," he said

From that starting point surely the solution is to develop a satnav that is easier to use or just learn how to use the existing technology? What next? Maps that can determine your stress levels by how hard you grip them?

Of course the suspicious and paranoid among you will look at this brilliant advance in mapping technology as a way of getting another type of monitoring equipment into as many cars as possible .. .. ..

foamy cock

Twas the first brew of a new beer today. I'm not entirely sure how it will turn out but the early signs are good. It's light, bitter and hoppy and will ferment out at around 4.8% ABV. As the wart approached boil foam started to escape from the chimney of the copper forming this shape. Hopefully it's not a sign of the final flavour of the beer.

no you can't have your voices heard!

Labour MP Paul Flynn reveals his authoritarian credentials today in an interview on Radio 4's Today program. The idea that the public could put forward proposals for new laws to be debated in Parliament would, according to Flynn, lead to crazy ideas coming forward from "the obsessed and the fanatical" blogosphere.

Are all of your constituents bloggers Paul? I don't think they are and yet you would deny them the chance to have their voice heard above the boring drone that you emit. Why are you so scared to let the people, the people who you are supposed to represent, have a say in what parliament debates? Is it maybe that we don't have the same tribal party loyalty needed to get selected for election that MPs do and we don't toe any party line? Or maybe it will highlight that there is little difference between the Coagulation policies and the Liebor policies and, in fact, the majority of people don't actually want what you politicians want.

Maybe us little people have no idea what we really want, can't understand intelligent debate (well after your lot were in charge for the last 13 years who's fault is that anyway?), couldn't possibly think for ourselves? Or maybe you think you are too important to listen to us?

Go fuck yourself sideways Paul.

fill up sooner rather than later

In seven days time, on Tuesday 4th Jan 2011, both VAT and fuel duty charged on petrol and diesel increase. Buy yours now while you can still afford it.

beer from the bottom

Shamelessly stolen from Theo Spark.

can you tell what it is?

We were given these to eat over the Christmas holidays by the AoD. We were both a bit surprised by the contents of the box given the name of the product. It's not a mix up at the factory, this is genuinely the contents for the box, so can you guess what this product is called?

makes you feel all warm inside .. .. ..

not. And you thought Brown was wooden?

indoctrinate them young

CITV has been running lots of ads for www.green-santa.com for over a week. There's nothing like emotional blackmail to manipulate kids is there?

first they came for the porn-og-raphy

Our right wing bureaucracy hating freedom loving bad law repealing coagulation Government is planning to censor your internet service more than already happens. Any site deemed pornographic will be blocked from homes that have kids unless you, the customer, specifically asks for access. There are so many things wrong with this idea from Ed Vaizey that I don't know where to start.

How will they know which homes and have kids? Will you have to provide that information to your ISP when you sign up?

What exactly is pornography? Bill Hicks famously paraphrased in one of his routines that "pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thought, that's their definition, essentially." So what does our Government define as porn?

If this is proven to reduce the access of kids to porn then the next step will be to permanently ban internet porn which will lead to a rise in the number of pirated DVDs produced and sold. Yes, it will. Surely that can't be a desirable outcome?

Once this type of restriction is in place it will be easy to block other types of content. Want to read anti-government vitriol? Sorry madam you need to opt in to that (and then we can monitor your internet because you are clearly a threat to national security). Or alcohol related sites, tobacco related sites, fast food sites, video game sites .. .. .. the list of potential targets grows longer each day as the 'antis' get bolder.

I used to employ 6th form students taking PE and biology A-levels. Many times they'd moan because they couldn't access information they needed because the college filters blocked the sites deeming them to be pornographic. Is that really we've got to already? Biology classed as porn.

What happened to parental responsibility and common sense? This Government claims it wants a 'Big Society' where everyone can make their own choices. This move seems more in keeping with a 'Big Brother Society' where the Government controls what you see, hear and think. Wankers.


mummylonglegs has her take on the subject .. .. ..

Oh for fuck's sake!

The Argus has this tale of utter foolishness by East Sussex County Council

A lollipop man has been banned from wearing a comedy Christmas hat shaped like a turkey because council scrooges said it might distract drivers.

Mr Clevett has been banned by East Sussex County Council from sporting the headgear amid fears it could throw drivers off course and pose a danger to their safety and the welfare of others.

An East Sussex County Council spokesman said: “What we are talking about here is the safety of children."

Right then council spokesman, what the fucking hell do you think the role of a lollipop man is exactly? To slow and stop the traffic so kids can cross the road safely perhaps?

If you don't want drivers distracted then maybe you should consider changing the hi-vis outfits you supply to the lollipop people and take away that pole that they wave around to stop the traffic too. You can never be too careful with child safety can you? Fucktard.

hahahahahahahooned

I'm surprised it's only 3 of them

EU consultation on tobacco

FOREST are gathering together responses to the EU wide consultation on further restrictions on tobacco products. I got the link to the easy to fill out objection to the proposals via Dick Puddlecoat. Not that it will make the slightest difference to the outcome but feel free to add your voice .. .. ..

quote of the day

What's needed is common sense and parental discipline and actual consequences for acting like a dick.

Unfortunately, all these are now illegal.

Leg-iron on top form again. Do go read the rest.

he's got previous .. .. ..

zero tolerance

So this bunch of authoritarian overlords are pretty much the same as the previous bunch of authoritarian overlords then? Nothing much has changed at all going by the language emanating from the Transport Select Committee reports into drink driving legislation.

In the long term, we believe that the Government should aim for an "effectively zero" limit of 20mg/100ml but we acknowledge that is too great a step at this stage. Instead of an "interim" reduction to 50mg/100ml, the Government should concentrate on working with individual police forces to achieve a stricter enforcement of the current limit and beginning a public education campaign to help achieve public acceptance of a 20mg/100ml limit.

So we are going to force something on you that will restrict your freedom of choice, destroy rural pubs, create more criminals and fines revenue but before we do that we're going to 'educate' you into wanting it?

Looking at the most recent data available to the committee we find that 85% of killed drivers obey the current law while 11% just don't give a shit about themselves or the people around them.



While the rest of the EU pootles around in their cars with much lower alcohol they must be a lot safer than in the UK mustn't they? Well no. Here in the UK we have among the lowest number of traffic fatalities per head of population in the EU even though we currently have the highest blood alcohol limit. We also have the most draconian enforcement regime which the nannies wish to keep in place after we have fallen in line with the EU limit. Just as with the indoor smoking ban we lead the way in authoritarian enforcement of EU directives. Welcome to Great Britain land of the free.

i'd like to report a theft

global warming crisis

Researchers believe the destruction of the rainforests kicked off an evolutionary burst amongst reptiles and inadvertently paved the way for the rise of dinosaurs 100 million years later.

And the scientists at Royal Holloway, University of London, and Bristol University warned that the discovery is a chilling message that humanity could be wiped off the face of the earth if today's Amazon rainforest is allowed to disappear.

[src]

Hmmmmm. I'm no expert so I'm sure that someone will help me out but does that mean that global warming might not be caused by humans by might actually be part of a repetitive cycle? And if it is a cycle on a planetary scale how the fucking hell can we choose to 'allow' or to not 'allow' the rainforest to disappear?

When I consider the timescale of the events discussed, that one thing possibly lead to another 100,000,000 years later, and compare that to the length of time we believe that humans have existed (in one form or another) it makes me feel sort of insignificant.

I have little doubt that as the climate changes it will make the survival of humanity less likely. Historically the sea level was a great deal higher than the current level, the temperature was higher and the chemical composition of the atmosphere was proportioned differently. We've filled a niche in the timeline of the planet and once the conditions alter again we will either adapt, evolve or, like the dinosaurs, vanish.

problems with froyo

Earlier this year I gave in and upgraded my handset to an HTC Legend. It is, in my opinion, a great handset. Milled from aluminium this smartphone also has a really clever piece of design. The slight bend not only makes it easier to fish the phone out of a pocket but when you put the handset face down on a flat surface it holds the screen clear preventing scratching.

When I got it it had Android OS 2.1 installed which worked absolutely fine. Recently I got a message telling me that I could now update to Android OS 2.2 (froyo). The update itself took about 25 minutes to complete but ever since I upgraded I thought the phone ran really sluggishly. Pictures took ages to load, screen touches didn't always register, apps took ages to download from Android Marketplace.

A couple of days ago I was close to breaking point with this ridiculous reduction of usability so I started looking through the installed apps on my phone to see if anything was hogging the memory. Nothing obvious so one by one I removed apps. Still no joy. Then I uninstalled an update to the Android Marketplace app.

Fucking hell! What a difference! A 2MB app now downloads in seconds rather than, in one case, over 40 minutes. My Legend is now zippy to use and relatively lag free. So if you are experiencing problems since updating your HTC Legend to froyo uninstall the Android Marketplace update and stick with the factory version. It worked wonders for me.

some are more equal than others

What does the word "equality" mean to you? Various sources around the internet describe it as

• the quality of being the same in quantity or measure or value or status
• a social state of affairs in which all people within a specific society or isolated group have the same status in a certain respect
• The fact of being equal, of having the same value
• The principle by which all persons or things under consideration are treated in the same way

Not so according to The Equalities Office. In the Equality Strategy [.pdf] published today they say that from April 2011 employers will be able to apply voluntary positive action in recruitment and promotion processes when faced with two or more candidates of equal merit, to address under-representation in the workforce (p15). But listen close gentle reader because this is not illegal discrimination, far from it, this is positive action which is perfectly legal.

Even the Equality Act 2010 [.pdf] has a provision that Compliance with the duties in this section may involve treating some persons more favourably than others; but that is not to be taken as permitting conduct that would otherwise be prohibited by or under this Act. (Part 2, Chapter 1, 149 (6)) which is part of the Equality Duty that also is due to come into effect in April 2011.

So if you happen to be part of certain groups based on your skin colour, sexual orientation, gender, age or body functionality, you can receive special treatment to advance your application for employment but if you are other groups you can't? Just precisely how is that anywhere fucking near any rational definition of equality?

it doesn't feel that cold .. .. ..

Sixty Miss Great Britain final contestants have braved freezing weather to parade around a beach in skimpy swimsuits. The models - who are hoping to win the Miss GB contest on Saturday night - put on one-piece costumes to pose for photographs on Weston-super-Mare beach. They braved temperatures of minus 2C and a strong wind to strut their stuff in front of the Grand Pier.

[src]

obligatory snow pictures

Mouse Lane :
From the front door of the brewery:

panic buying

It's funny you know, how the media language and reality are not always in alignment. On my way home from work I stopped off at a Co-op to pick up a few essentials and yes it was quite busy but it was also extremely sociable. Not a single shopper was racing around screaming and waving their arms in the air. No sign of panic at all.

Ho hum.

the great beer race day 1

Day 1 of the Great Beer Race is complete. I managed, even though it was below freezing for most of the day, to complete the brew in a reasonable time for me. I started at 7:30 this morning with around 1100 litres of water in the hot liquor tank at 87.9˚C and running mains water! While I got the water temperature reduced to where we can usefully use it I weighed out the malt that the recipe demanded. By 8:15am I'd hydrated the grain into the mash tun and then, after checking the temperature was correct, left it to do it's thing for 90 minutes. During that time I received a stream of abuse from Andy and blew two fuses trying to get our jetwash to start. To say that it doesn't like the winter is an understatement.

I also discovered that while we had running water coming into the building one of our drains had frozen solid. Which was not helpful in keeping ahead of time.

The major problem I encountered today was clearing the mash. The grain acts as a natural filter that removes particulate matter and flour from the liquid and requires 'bedding down' before it works effectively. It took me a whole hour to make this happen because the batch of malt we are using is particularly floury and takes a long time for the filter to form. A whole bloody hour passed before I got the results that I was happy with.

Sparging was relatively uneventful, as was boiling the wart (the liquid that is gathered from the mash tun by sparging). Hops are added to the boiling liquid to add bitterness and flavour so at the end of the boil you have a very sweet, sterile, flavour packed liquid. It's then decanted, cooled and aerated to provide the optimum environment for the yeast to thrive in. I did get delayed by 10 minutes or so by Andy and Piers because they were bottling today and occupying the space I needed to be in to finish off preparing the fermentation vessel to receive the beer.
All the head that is erupting from the top of the fermentation vessel is ideal for yeast. Depending on the temperature today's brew should have fermented out by Monday and be ready for packaging. Once in airtight containers it then needs to sit and condition which can take from 7 days to 6 weeks again depending on conditions.

At 15:57 today I finished, turned off the lights, locked the door and went home. Eight and a half hours (minus 10 minutes for the delay) is Andy's target time. Will he do it? We'll know on Friday .. ..