sheep

He could snipe the whole valley from his raised vantage point

mini heatwave?

According to the Argus

A mini heatwave is on the way with temperatures set to soar over the next four days.

Health bosses are preparing to put their heatwave plan into action as temperatures of up to 25C are predicted.

25˚C? Heatwave? Not according to page 44 of the current guidelines (.pdf file) it isn't even if Sussex was in North East England

Temperatures are expected to be up to 30C inland and 25C on the coast.

Even if temperatures hit 30˚C that's still below the official definition of the threshold for a heatwave in the south of England



I suppose the headline "It's going to be a little bit warm for a few days" doesn't really grab the attention as much though does it?

security measures

With a huge dose of "you really couldn't make it up" I recount a tale that was told to me by a friend (who understandably doesn't want me to reveal his identity) about how he renewed his passport at short notice. Apart from the issue of the passport office not seeming to understand that people who live in other countries may not be able to fluently communicate in English his experience while visiting the office was bewildering.

As he alighted from the train in London he realised that he had a very sharp knife in his pocket. This is not unusual for him as he uses it for work. With the heightened security measures that have become associated with travelling and government buildings he was starting to worry that this might cause him problems and he approached the passport office with a certain amount of trepidation.

He arrived at the entrance to the building and there were the predictable metal detectors with the associated scanners for individual's tray of metallic items. Fearing that he would be delayed by security and preparing himself to ask them to confiscate his knife for the duration of his visit he drops all of his metallic items on to the tray and stepped through the metal detector. Then picked up all of his items without question and continued inside for his appointment.

Yes you did read that correctly. He removed a concealed knife, passed it through the security check, re-concealed it then went to a meeting in a government building without trying to hide the fact that he had a potentially dangerous weapon on him. It makes you wonder why they bother with security checks at all, doesn't it?


UPDATE: The central character of this tale contacted me and offered this

I never ever walk anywhere with any sense of trepidation as that is a quick way of getting noticed. I decided that when they spotted it, I would ask them to look after it.

Well that's me told then :D

only a few days too late

Set to join? As in at some point in the future?

If only you'd used that headline a few days ago ......

storm in a D cup

BBC Radio Suffolk presenter James Hazell has caused outrage for his comment he made to a caller in a debate on breastfeeding on his show on Monday 18th July. According to The Telegraph

Mr Hazell has come under fire for his comment, which has been described as ''crass'' by mum-of-two Laura Cardwell, from Ipswich, Suffolk.

She said: "I was asked to do an interview on James Hazell's morning show for BBC Radio Suffolk. I listened to the programme later with interest, only to find what should have been a positive affirmation for breastfeeding mothers was turned into crass and ignorant nonsense. I was appalled. There is nothing more natural than nursing your baby.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but surely the point of being a radio host is to broadcast issues and listen to listeners feedback, not to push the host's views on to us."

I've listened to the audio on iPlayer (about 1hour 50mins into the show) but as it's unlikely to still be available I've uploaded the majority of that particular call for you to listen to.



What doesn't come across in that clip, as it's only a single conversation, is that Hazell played Devil's advocate with every caller in that section of the show. To my mind he didn't seem to support either side of the debate, using appropriately pitched questions to help draw out each caller to contribute to the show. Which surely is the real point of being a radio talk-show host?

Laura Cardwell has been part of a campaign to promote breastfeeding friendly businesses in Suffolk. How dare a local radio DJ have fun with one of his callers about a cause she supports?

Friday

detail

Took the kids for a walk along the shore a few days ago to blow away the cobwebs and, well, because we could. The wind was (as my grandmother used to say) 'bracing' to say the least and we sought shelter for a moment in the lea side of the rocks that formed the groyne closest to us. Closer inspection of the gaps between these boulders lead us to discovering these barnacles, mussels and anemones sheltering from the dry waiting for the sea to return and recover them.



It got me thinking.

I've probably been to that beach a hundred times, the kids have probably climbed on those rocks three or four times per visit and yet this was the first time we actually noticed what was tucked away in the gaps. We spend so much time worried about the bigger picture that we don't spend enough time focussed on the detail. We miss so much because we don't take the time to stop and notice.

more discussion on smoking

In the wake of the Stony Stratford protest my local radio station had a debate about smoking outdoors. The first two speakers were members of the public, one pro, one anti.



Then the Tobacco Control Alliance co-ordinator Karen Simmonds trotted out the usual anti-smokers rhetoric before Chris Snowdon (author of Velvet Glove, Iron Fist) spoke against the idea of a ban.



After that more callers, the majority of them against the idea, interspersed with Danny Pike asking "What ban should we call for first?" After about an hour the program drifted on to other subjects and I stopped listening. The whole thing can be heard if you live in the UK on iPlayer for the next seven days.



Clearly I've edited out the music, adverts, and other unnecessary noise to reduce the time of the clips.




What scares me the most is the ease with which many of the callers call for a ban on something be it cars, alcohol, or tobacco while defending their 'right' to do the thing they want to do. Surely one of them must realise how utterly ridiculous it is to take this position?

man vs woman

I make no apologies for posting the following


The newly-weds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.”

The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”

He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always wear the trousers in this family!”

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!”

He replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”

“And you never bloody will if you don’t change your attitude.”

BT engineer - fucking muppet

Today a BT engineer came to install a second phone line in our house. And in the process has totally disconnected the original line.

Since his work our broadband download speed has also dropped from 6-6.6Mbps to a measly 0.1-1.4Mbps. At times I'm getting a ping of 857ms (instead of the 30-60ms before the intervention). I didn't oversee the work so I have no idea just how he managed this fabulous piece of technological wizardry.

Naturally contacting the customer service department has resulted in absolutely no response from them. Maybe they're trying to call me on the phone that doesn't fucking work thanks to the genius they sent round to the house.

Not amused. Not fucking amused at all.

#stonystandoff

I was, like many, waiting with eager anticipation for the debate on Talksport last night between Councillor Paul Bartlett and blogger Dick Puddlecote about the proposed banning of smoking in all public spaces in Stony Stratford. Unfortunately, for reasons that I will never be certain of, Paul decided not to engage with Dick on this subject. Instead he made an appearance over 30 minutes after the scheduled time. For those of you who missed it, or for some reason cannot access the recording on the Talksport site, I've uploaded a copy of both interviews for your listening pleasure. Feel free to download or embed them.

First up we have the admirably punctual, salivating nutter Dick Puddlecote



Followed over half an hour later by the rational, calm and collected Paul Bartlett



The difference in delivery is staggering isn't it?


UPDATE: I've just listened again to the interview with Bartlett and this exchange, which I've done my best to transpose, that starts at about 7:15 in, shows exactly why we should follow the shining example of Councillor Paul.

TS: If you believe you’ve got a lot of support because of what you just said why are there four petitions in circulation?

PB: Anyone will sign a petition and the petitions I’ve seen aren’t even, not even saying who they’re from. I .. I .. I .. I .. we could all sign a petition, it doesn’t take a lot of effort, and if you’ve got somebody breathing smoke down your neck then the chances are you’re going to give in and say get away from the smell of the smoke. Sorry mate. I mean you’ve done it, I know you’ve probably done it and I’ve done it just to get some peace and quiet. And because you don’t want to upset your mate on the next table in the pub. Or it’s his round and he won’t buy it if you don’t sign it. So, you know, petitions are petitions, if you want to send me emails give them my email address, forward me the tweets and emails you’ve had I’m quite happy for that. Get them to write to me. Petitions? Anyone can do that. I don’t sign petitions because, you know, I could be Mickey Mouse and sign it Paul Bartlett what’s the point?

TS (talking over): You, you you kind of just contradicted yourself by saying that

PB (interrupting): No I haven’t

TS: Well you have because

PB: How?

TS: You gave the scenario that you sign a petition because the bloke sitting next to you in the pub wont buy you a round and then you said you wont sign petitions

PB: No No No No No I didn’t say I would I said someone would I didn’t say I would I said someone would

TS: Well then

PB: I said someone would I wouldn’t I wouldn’t

TS: OK well then I stand corrected

PB: play your tape back and you’ll realise what I actually said

a quick note to Vodafone

Dear Vodafone,

I've recently had an enforced update to the Android Marketplace that, quite frankly, is a pile of utter shit. Gone is the facility that I regularly used to see which of my apps had had updates released and in its place is a list of your "approved" apps, many of which you forced into the OS of my phone and I NEVER use them.

Your PR suggests that this piece of shit update you forced on your customers is "giving them the best possible experience." I beg to differ. Now that I can't easily see which apps have updates I can't choose to update them at a time that suits me. You've actually reduced the functionality of the Marketplace for me and many other users.

Uninstalling the update has no effect. Your shitty alteration is still there. Oh well, that's another reason not to renew my contract at the end of the initial term. Cunts.


manwiddicome

answers to questions posed by other bloggers

Question

A: They firmly believe that was the time of conception

headline writer required

Preferably one who can read.

chocalate

The literate among you will have noticed the deliberate spelling error in the title of this post. Unlike the people who created the chocolate printer showcased in this BBC story.

things I learned today

1. Wear sunblock
2. Stand-up paddleboarding against the current is hard work
3. Stand-up paddleboarding into the wind is hard work
4. Stand-up paddleboarding into the current and wind is fucking hard work
5. Wear sunblock

sponsorship

Imagine for a moment if you will that you are the head of one of the evil tobacco companies* and you are rolling in profits from the misery you cause** by selling your products. You could take that money as dividend/bonus/extra pay but you know that if you do the beautiful angel of goodness Debs Arnott*** will condemn you for it. Instead you decide to continue a longstanding arrangement to sponsor a racing team.

Imagine your surprise when you've complied with all of the restrictive legislation that surrounds such a deal and the beautiful angel**** and her legion of righteousness***** attack you, and the racing team, over the deal.

One of the complaints from John Britton of the guardians of truth is that

the red, black and white colours of Ferrari bore a close resemblence to those of Marlboro, creating strong links between the two companies.

Will he be insisting that Coke changes the colours it uses on its packaging? Maybe Rip Curl, Lego, Pizza Hut, You Tube, the Rolling Stones, Virgin, and Charlton Athletic FC are in the pay of the tobacco companies too? They all use red white and black as their colours so there MUST be a link surely?
























*new readers should be aware that this statement comes with free added tongue-in-cheekness
**and this
***ditto
****see above
***** you get the idea by now

film review

Just watched Delta Force 2.

They don't make action movies like that any more.



Thankfully.