thought for the day

When you're at the beginning of a relationship you spend all day wishing your phone will ring just so you can have a few seconds conversation with the one you desire. To hear their voice and know they're ok is the greatest feeling.



When you're at the end of a relationship you look at your phone and think "what the fuck do they want now?" every time they call.

i think they mean 'more expensive'

According to the Telegraph

A raft of changes will be implemented in January represent the biggest overhaul of the MoT test since car emissions were included in the early 1990s.

The new checks will include inspecting a series of dashboard warning lights telling drivers if there is a problem with their airbags, tyre pressures, power steering and main headlight beam. Power steering will also be subject to inspection with the MoT demanding a minimum level of fluid. Other items to be checked include anti-lock brakes and electronic stability control systems.

All these extra checks will take more time to complete which less MOT tests can be carried out in a day. Which will push the price of motoring up yet again.

Are you sure we have a Conservative government?

brewery update

Things are going exceedingly well. We've settled down to a steady rhythm of supply and sales and have built a core of 15 pubs that regularly, as well as a similar number who we occasionally, buy our beer. Of course this isn't enough and we're constantly striving to increase that number through a variety of methods. If you know, or are, a landlord in Sussex who is free of tie then I'll come out with a sample of our beers for you to try.

The official launch of our second beer, Devils Dyke, is at the Shepherd & Dog Fulking on Friday 2nd Dec. This 5.0% ABV Porter style beer is shaping up to be very special indeed. I've not tasted it since the day it went into a cask so I'm waiting eagerly to be formally introduced. That didn't stop me from pre-selling a quarter of the gyle before I'd even brewed it! It should be full of chocolate, vanilla, and caramel with some subtle hints of marmalade but, like you, I won't know for certain for the next few days.

If you're in the area there is a competition for visitors to the pub that weekend to name our third beer! I've written the recipe, it's going to be a light, hoppy, refreshing, clean, summery ale at 3.7% ABV, so if you want your name to be considered alongside the other suggestions you now know what you have to do.

The time between brews of Ruskin's Ram is diminishing as sales increase and we're looking at having to buy more casks to be able to keep up with rising demand. We definitely won't be buying them from GPS because they're unable to work to their specified delivery dates.

unlicensed perm

Apparently David Morris MP (allegedly a Conservative) will on Wednesday be calling on the government to

(make) it compulsory for all hairdressers to be state registered.

Morris' proposals would also mean that in order to become state registered, hairdressers would have to obtain a City and Guilds or an NVQ level 2 qualification in hairdressing and complete salon training under the supervision of a state registered hairdresser.

There is an obvious conundrum that one can only become a state registered hairdresser if one has been trained by a state registered hairdresser and as no state registered hairdressers exist it will be impossible to train to become a state registered hairdresser.

That aside I thought we were promised a reduction in unnecessary regulation, red tape, and bureaucracy only recently?

If this does pass into law what will be the net effect? Higher charges for customers as the expense of becoming registered is passed on, more 'mobile hairdressers' working on a cash only basis, and a criminal charge of 'coiffuring without a license'?

According to the article there are approx 300,000 hairdressers in the UK and there were 351 injuries reported in the year March 09 - March 10. On that basis the 'problem' that this law will 'solve' is fucking minuscule however the regulation and interference this will create is massive.

those busy roundels

The ladder represents Mr Bercow’s ascent from humble beginnings, as the son of a taxi driver in north London. He went to a comprehensive, before entering Parliament as MP for Buckingham and becoming Speaker in 2009.

The roundels mark Mr Bercow’s fondness for tennis – he is a qualified lawn tennis coach – and also represent his role as ex officio chairman of the Boundaries Commission of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

The seax knives, which were traditionally worn by Saxon warriers over 1,000 years ago, represent Mr Bercow’s attachment to Essex. He went to university in the county, graduating in 1985 with a first class degree in Government.

The rainbow colours and pink triangles mark Mr Bercow's championing of the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans-sexual people. They sit between his motto: “All Are Equal”.

The red and blue colours, as well as the gold colour of the roundels, represent the three main parties in the House of Commons.

Well I suppose it's appropriate to represent the Lib Dems as a load of balls ......

Ecstasy

According to the reporter on Sky News ecstasy has been responsible for over 200 deaths since 1996. So that's between 12 (200) and 19 (300) deaths per year from ecstasy which to me doesn't seem like a particularly large number.

The reason this statistic has come to light is that two men have died in hospital after a night out in a London club. While the headlines in the MSM are all screaming that they are ecstasy deaths they've all got this part of the same press release that they've printed verbatim tucked away about 2/3 down

The Metropolitan Police have said the cause of the deaths and injury is yet to be established, but that one line of inquiry was that the men may have taken illegal substances, possibly MDMA - the chemical name for ecstasy.

I think it's fairly fucking plain that "cause of death yet to be established" is not ambiguous at all but it hasn't stopped this being branded as an ecstasy story before all of the facts are known.

I don't know if they did or didn't take ecstasy.

hangover cure

The weapons grade hangover I woke up with this morning wasn't going to go away unless radical action was taken so I headed up to Peaselake for some mountain biking fun. I met up with some blokes I've ridden with many times in the Walking Bottom car park for some gentle chat and piss-taking before we set off. My tales from Friday night were tame in comparison to the events that unfolded elsewhere; one of the others had 5 stitches holding his forehead together.

As we set off, having decided not to take waterproofs, rain started to fall. Sorry, it didn't rain, a light mousse of mist descended. I guess you had to be there ......

I don't ride Pitch/Leith/Holmbury very often, unlike the others who get to play there far more frequently, so I was content to sit at the back of the group and be guided around the sweet singletrack trails in the gorgeous woods that cover all three hills. That was, and remains, my excuse. That and the hangover.

As we reached the Judge's Seat the sun burst through the clouds and, while we stood there discussing which line to take, we looked like gods. Truthfully they looked like gods (as you can see from the photo) and I looked a little dazed and confused. From there we swooped and dropped and climbed and fell and stopped and glided around a variety of well known named paths and some unknown (to us) tracks that we found on the way. A couple of hours later we reached the tea rooms where a well earned mug of tea and chunk of cake was gratefully consumed.

The hangover is gone!

Global Polymer Solutions are shit

Dear micro-brewer,

You've got to that point where you are considering buying casks from Global Polymer Solutions (GPS) and you're checking the internet to see if they're any good. I like the product, the casks are sturdy, lightweight, good value, but their customer service, delivery times and attitude towards delivery times is absolutely shit. After the latest fiasco which has left me with beer sitting in fermenters I will do anything to avoid having to deal with them again even if that means I've got to ditch the casks.

Last year, while I was working at Adur Brewery, we ordered 20 firkins from GPS. As requested we paid upfront for them and then waited, and waited, and waited for them to arrive. Delivery dates came and went, promises were made then broken on repeated occasions. They finally arrived over 6 weeks later than originally promised.

In the summer I contacted Greg Whitehorne (the MD of GPS) asking for a shive tool which is essential to being able to use the casks. Without it you cannot accurately tighten the screw in shives to the right tightness to prevent the beer leaking. Even though Greg assured me they'd sorted out their logistics issues he managed to send the tool to the wrong address. It took more than 3 weeks to arrive.

Just over a week ago I ordered shives from GPS. I was told, yet again, that their logistics were sorted. I was told that the shives I'd ordered had been dispatched the day I ordered. A week after they were supposed to be with me they still hadn't arrived so I phoned Greg to find out where they were. He refused to answer my calls and instead got someone else to call me back. Apparently there had been a slight error at their end and they'll be dispatched on Monday. I'm fucking livid. I was promised they'd be with me last Monday not dispatched this coming Monday.

I received a text earlier to tell me that some had been dropped into the post and would be with me in the next few days. If I'm honest I'm not holding my breath as their record so far is 3 orders, 3 late deliveries, about 25 promised delivery dates missed. I'm looking at other options because I would rather deal with a reliable supplier that keeps it's promises and doesn't damage my brewery's reputation.

minimum wage - at least £2kpa too high

When you consider the announcement that Nick Clegg is due to make today that is the only conclusion a sane person can make.

Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister, will today announce a £1 billion scheme to pay firms more than £2,000 for each young unemployed person they hire.

The simpler and far more cost effective solution would be to remove the barriers that are preventing people from getting jobs and let the markets do their thing. It's what you'd expect a Tory government to do but unfortunately this Conservative/Lib Dem coagulation are determined to interfere as much as the previous Labour scrotes.

you can't have it

I haven't been closely following the shale gas argument but, it seems to me, that if we have a resource that will provide continual power on demand that seems like a pretty decent way to ensure fuel security. Unlike the haphazard output from wind turbines.

It would seem the proponents of wind power, or "big windmill", are unhappy about the competition.

#

It seems that Twitter hashtags have made someone very upset. Read the other side of the story here.

I should probably confess that I know the blogger and the claims about his personal situation by the anonymous commenter are complete and utter bollocks.

segregate the gayers

Brighton, which hosts an annual Pride celebration, has always had a general atmosphere of tolerance and integration. Yes, there have been isolated incidents of intolerance (whichever -phobia or -ism has been invoked) but generally speaking it's an easygoing place. Fortunately many of those leaving comments in this Argus piece understand this and are against the idea of separate, segregated "gay village" area of the city.

Business Mouse (NSFW)

good grief!

Mark Hall, who co-created much-loved children's animations including Danger Mouse has died. He was 75, and died after a short illness, his son said.

Dear Dave Sexton,

The line you used in your anti smoker rant yesterday

"What next, a ban on smoking in the home?" Yes, indeed, eventually. Although perhaps after a ban on smoking anywhere at all in public, including outside. To be followed eventually by a ban on the sale and possession of cigarettes altogether.

is quite amusing. Could you please acquire some fabricated statistics to prove just how successful the total prohibition of cannabis, cocaine, heroin etc has been in preventing their sale and distribution in the UK?

In the meantime, among the many delusions about their habit that smokers foster - such as the belief that they themselves will not be among the half of all regular users to be killed by it

I think that you, like many of the rabid anti-smokers, are under the illusion that because you don't smoke you will live forever. Not wishing to burst your bubble but, to quote Bill Hicks, "non-smokers die every day". Every day in the UK approximately four times the number of non-smokers die than smokers. If I was producing dodgy statistics, that you could reproduce without question, I could suggest that non-smokers were four times more likely to die than smokers.

We used to think it normal to see people smoking on planes, in the Tube, on trains. Already that seems utterly bizarre.

I remember when trains had smoking carriages. They were fucking brilliant. At almost any time, apart from rush hour, you could walk through an almost empty train until you found the smoking carriage which would be absolutely crammed full of people, conversations between strangers would be flowing, it was a vibrant place to be.

But I think that is part of your problem Dave. You feel left out, as if you're missing out on something but you don't know what, and it's eating away at you. You probably mocked your smoking colleagues when they went outside for a fag but that was just a cover for your feelings of exclusion. The smokers were having a conversation without you, maybe about you (unlikely, we talk about important things), and maybe you feel threatened by that?

I'm off to spark one up so if you want to read a more thorough fisking of your hate filled article then pop over The Moose


manwiddicombe

water joke

The EU have issued a new directive that bottled water manufacturers can no longer claim that drinking water can help prevent dehydration.


Can we leave yet?

23

So the BBC has regurgitated the BMA lie without actually bothering to research? No surprise there then.

The British Medical Association called for the extension of the current ban on smoking in public places after reviewing evidence of the dangers.

It highlighted research showing the levels of toxins in a car can be up to 23 times higher than in a smoky bar.

This claim is a total fairy tale, a complete fabrication, utter bollocks. It has no basis in reality (unless your reality is that all smoking and smokers are bad and must be stopped at any cost). The BMA are using this lie to again call for a total ban on smoking in cars because

an outright ban - even if there were no passengers - would be the best way of protecting children as well as non-smoking adults.

Yes, that's right, a total ban on smoking in cars will protect people who aren't in the vehicle from being exposed to smoke. It's almost as if they've given up pretending that they're not making this shit up. It's utterly absurd.

Meanwhile, in Wales a public awareness campaign has begun highlighting the dangers of smoking in cars. Officials have said if that does not succeed over the next three years, a ban will be introduced.

So the Welsh will have a 'public awareness' campaign and if the public tell them to fuck off and mind their own business and stop producing dodgy reports with no factual accuracy then there will be a ban anyway? Why am I not surprised?

what's in a name?

story

smokers

With the news that Australia is still on course to become the first country to force cigarettes into bland, brand free packets, a quote from Nicola Roxon, their Health Minister, has me confused

"It will give our country the best chance of having the lowest smoking rates and, of course, that will mean many lives are saved and many families that don't go through the grief and pain of seeing someone die because of a tobacco-related illness."

I remember years ago (late 80s, early 90s?) there was a book released about smoking, smoking rates, smoking related illness incidence, smoking statistics written from an anti-anti-smoking-lobby point of view. In it the author examined, among other things, the claims that smoking caused smoking related diseases. He looked at the available statistics for smoking and hospital admissions in many countries around the world and found there was not always a direct correlation between the two.

In fact in Japan, which had one of the highest percentages of smokers in the adult population, there were relatively few cases of smoking related illness.

Australia on the other hand had relatively few smokers but a very high number of smoking related illnesses.

Which leads inevitably to the conclusion that the Australians are, for whatever reason, more disposed towards smoking related illnesses than the Japanese and that this may not be connected to the actual act of smoking.

I wish I could find a copy of this book and whether it's been comprehensively disproven yet ......

PETA. Cunts. Again.

PETA being utterly cuntish again and, to coincide with the much hyped launch of Super Mario 3DS, are trying to promote their really shit flash game. The controls are shit, the music is shit, the message is so unbelievably shit (the only cunts to blur the distinction between reality and video games are campaigning cunts like PETA who are trying to get noticed) that it's laughable.

car numberplates I want

Yes, I know, sniggering at this as I followed it down the road was very very childish indeed .....

what?

The Guardian editorial piece today begins and ends with

Liberals and leftists alike will brush off the concern about unelected hands grabbing too much political power at their peril

While I can understand Liberals being upset with political power grabs by the unelected it's not normally something that bothers the left. In my lifetime the left has, as I understand it, been particularly keen to set up as many unelected, unaccountable bodies to wield political power.

I think what the Guardian means is "unelected non-lefty-sympathising hands" but they're unlikely to make the alteration.

learning to listen

East Sussex County Council are pushing forward with plans to merge two schools in Peacehaven despite 95% of the people who took part in a public consultation disagreeing with the plan.

I don't know the schools or the issues involved so difficult for me to comment on whether, in my opinion, the plans are good or not. However if 95% of the public don't want it to happen then the public servants should not be careering forward with the plans.

Nick Bennett, cabinet member for learning and school effectiveness, said:

"It is very clear that many do not like our proposals to close these two schools and create a new primary in their place. However, while people raised very legitimate concerns and I can understand those concerns, I still believe these important plans are the right way forward for these schools and the pupils who attend them. Improving overall standards and attainment for the children attending these schools has to be our priority and I believe amalgamating the schools will help achieve that."

Quite frankly Nick I don't give a shit what you think. It's what the people you are supposed to be serving think, and they have almost unanimously rejected the proposal. To pursue a plan so soundly rejected makes you look like an arrogant self-serving tosser. Are you?

Drinkify

I've just discovered a useful website for those "I'm sitting listening to music and fancy a drink but don't know what to have" moments.



Type the name of the artist into Drinkify and it will recommend a drink to you. I think it will even play a track from the artist you name although while I could see it was there it wouldn't work for me. So it's not perfect, some of the drink/music combinations seemed a little bizarre too, but it's definitely worth a visit next time you're having one of those moments ....

HSBD

In the comments over at Leg-irons' place Curmudgeon and I were discussing the impact of the high strength beer duty (HSBD) on the occurrence of high strength beers. I strongly believed, having witnessed a conversation between the Head Brewer and Finance Director of a brewery, that it will reduce the frequency of new, niche, high strength ales because apart from the *new*, *exciting*, extra charge microbreweries will not be able to claim SBR for those beers. Essentially this would add 150% to the existing duty charge for the beer. Or so I believed.

Then Curmudgeon gave links to HMRC sources that seemed to indicate that my initial belief that Small Brewers Relief (SBR) would not be applicable for high strength beers was completely wrong. There it was, in clear text, on an HMRC site, the information that SBR could still be claimed but not on the HSBD element. Today I was at the other brewery and I had the chance to explain what I'd read.

They were adamant I was mistaken and dragged out their EX46 or, to the uninitiated, their Beer Duty Return (.pdf). The problem is that the wording on the return confuses the issue all over again. It strongly seems to imply that SBR is not applicable to high strength beers, even though the other sections of the HMRC electronic empire say that it does, because of the part of the form that you use to record this epic brews.

I still have no idea which is correct. Until it's properly clarified I'm not even going near to 7.5% ABV with my beers which, I guess, means that my initial point about brewers shying away from higher strength brews was right?

offensive!

I'm trying to get my head around this so bear with me ..... if the joke was so offensive as to attract criticism why has The Argus reproduced it in full? Is it to cause more offence? Is it to show how vile Jimmy Carr is? I'm not sure I understand their motivation or stance ....

"But", I hear you cry, "you've uploaded a screenshot of the article thus extending the lifespan of the offensive joke!!". Yes I have because I believe that being offended is a basic human right. I'm not sure if his Tweet was either a)funny or b)offensive but there's bound to be someone who will find it one or the other.

all your organs are belong to us

If you're Welsh

when you say 'fully functional'

Buy this one off piece of, erm, well, erm, yes, here

lollipopcams are go!

The Telegraph reports

Bad drivers will be recorded on the miniature cameras concealed within “lollipop” stop signs carried by school crossing patrols in an effort to improve road safety. North Somerset Council has purchased one of the new £1,500 "lollicams" following reports of speeding and abusive motorists.

Council staff will watch the footage and decide whether to issue warning letters or ask the police to prosecute offenders.

Apart from the cost of buying the cameras, and the cost of paying someone to watch all of the footage, I think this is a really bad idea. The vast majority of motorists respect the lollipop wielders and, as has been my experience, the vast majority of lollipop wielders respect motorists. Remote observation isn't going to change that.

Although ..... if the cameras are going to be used to gather evidence of abuse of position as well as bad motoring .....

bloody foreign students

they come over here, bite our teachers




Or have I misunderstood the tone of the BBC News homepage header?

identity crisis

Mark Wadsworth informs me that there may be some doubt as to the identity of Beauty, the cat stolen by convicted criminal Christine Hemming (estranged wife of Lib Dem MP John Hemming), paraded around the media this last week. It's been alleged that the miraculous find is nothing of the sort and is an entirely different feline.

So where does that leave cat stealing Christine's PR machine? I assume they'll be working double overtime ....

the financial equality game

As I stood in the shower this morning, hot water cascading over my firm naked flesh (*cough* sorry, wrong site *cough*) ......

*ahem*

Just before I dived in the shower this morning I'd been reading a few arguments in different internet spaces about the #occupy protests, capitalism, money, social order and mobility, benefit cuts, austerity and it got me thinking. If we were to balance the current financial inequality in the world, redistribute ALL of the wealth equally, what would be the outcome?

I think I know what I think would happen but I'm curious to know what everyone else believes the consequences of such a move would be.


So here's the mental game I was playing for you join in with

Assumptions:

1. At Midnight on Dec 31st 2012 the newly formed Entire World Transitional Government Concord (EWTGC) declares that on Dec 31st 2020 they will redistribute the wealth of the planet so that every person alive has an equal share. Children under 8 years old will be entitled but cannot access their share until they are 8, anyone born after that date will not be entitled to a share.

2. People can do whatever they want with their wealth. It will belong to them after the redistribution and the EWTGC will not interfere with their actions, apart from enforcing contract law and basic common law or acting as arbiter to resolve disputes.

3. There is no escaping from the action. The super wealthy will not be able to hide any assets from the EWTGC and access them after the redistribution.

Additional (from comments): 4. For the sake of the exercise "wealth" refers to financial/fiscal/monetary wealth and not human skills/abilities/attributes.


Question:
What are the various future impacts of the action? Discuss the probable outcomes for 2025

Answers:

Once you've thought about it write it up and post it online. Leave the link in the comments and I'll add it here (Equally if you think there's any 'assumptions' that I've missed feel free to suggest them via the comments. I'll add them as appropriate).

the suspense is keeping me awake!

I wonder what it is that they can say at 08:00 that they can't say at 00:11?

you must not censor the internet but we can?

As reported by the Guardian today William Hague has been

insisting that cyberspace must not be "stifled by government control or censorship"

this from the same government that has forced ISPs to censor the internet service of new subscribers .......