Man Widdicombe

alcohol deaths on the rise

2012-01-30T08:27:00.005Z

Or not. The number deaths in the UK linked to drinking rose in 2010 according to official figures. After a modest fall in 2009 there was a slight rise (126) in 2010. According to the BBC the long term trends are relatively stable. There are roughly 8 alcohol related deaths per 100,000 women (0.008% of the female population) and 18 per 100,000 men (0.018% of the male population) each year in the UK. With the amount of negative hype about alcohol you'd be forgiven for being amazed at how small those numbers are.

But that doesn't stop our favourite fakecharity's new chief exec, Eric Appleby, wading in with prohibitionist nonsense.

"Yet again, the figures for alcohol-related deaths show that the alcohol policies in place in England and Wales are just not having an impact in reducing alcohol harm.

In the new Alcohol Strategy, the government must ensure that services are always available for the early identification and support of problem drinkers. They must also take notice of the evidence and bring in minimum alcohol pricing as soon as possible."

Eric if over 99.8% of the population is NOT dying through alcohol abuse do we really need minimum pricing to reduce alcohol harm? I'd suggest that, with such a high success rate, the alcohol policies we already have in place are working perfectly well.

What we need, Eric, is for busybody, nannying cunts, to find proper jobs so they don't have time to push their temperance bullshit in the media.

lammy does an abbott

2012-01-29T13:39:00.003Z

These Labour MPs eh? When their party was in charge they voted through loads of legislation to make things fair and equal. Now they're in opposition they just can't seem to say the right thing can they? A few weeks ago Diane Abbott posted a blatantly racist tweet and now David Lammy is suggesting that

working-class parents should be able to physically discipline their children to stop them joining gangs and getting involved in knife crime

Only working class parents David? I'm not sure The Equality Act 2010 will allow us to make a distinction like that. You do remember The Equality Act 2010 that your party rushed through Parliament in the dying days of their tenure in Government? Maybe you said this because you think working class children are somehow inferior to other kids and a good beating is the only thing they'll understand*? Please David just shut the fuck up.

*Dear Xanthippa, I'm not suggesting for a moment that smacking is a good thing. I'm railing at the stupidity of the politician suggesting that one social group should be given dispensation to do something that is illegal for the rest of us. :o)

ACTA

2012-01-28T00:43:00.003Z

What is it with our politicians? A few months ago William Hague was telling China the internet

must not be "stifled by government control or censorship"

and yet the British Government has signed the ACTA agreement which will be enforced once the EU ratifies it in June. What do you mean you've never heard of it? Such an important piece of legislation would be openly discussed and copies of the proposed wording shared with the media to ensure the population was aware of it, wouldn't it? Well, it seems not. Discussions were conducted in secret and requests for information regarding the treaty and treaty negotiations have been rejected by the EU.

The loose wording in the treaty could potentially close sites such as Twitter, Bookface, and Blogger which would be a blow for freedom of speech and freedom of expression.

It could also require every ISP to monitor every data packet to ensure that no illegally reproduced copyrighted material was being transmitted across their networks. The only way to do that is to inspect every data packet. Every single on. Of course, if you've got nothing to hide then you've got nothing to fear have you?

And the worst part about all this is that the media, for the most part, have been utterly silent about ACTA. A piece of legislation that potentially changes how we use the internet gets almost zero attention. Surely that's news?

Anne Milton

2012-01-22T13:13:00.002Z

Anne Milton, a Health Minister, quoted in the Morning Advertiser

“As a government we do not want to be killjoys but we do have some health problems. We do have a problem with alcohol but it is complicated."

Just because YOU have a complicated problem with alcohol Anne please stop trying to rearrange our lives? Thanks

20 jan 12

2012-01-20T10:23:00.004Z

Yes, in the words of the end song from Portal, I'm still alive. I've been busy working and pursuing the things that men pursue hence the lack of blogging of late.

I had an email exchange this week with Traction Man. After Tom Harris got in trouble for uploading a Downfall spoof the Telegraph made a list of the 25 best ones. The one I made, inspired by Traction Man's plight, back in 2009 came in at number 19. Unfortunately I had to remove it from YouTube due to a takedown notice but I still have the original files which I sent him.

The antics of politicians, be they from the red, blue, green, yellow or purple teams are still pissing me off. I doubt that none of them realise that the only time they need to interfere, or to be seen to be doing things, is when things NEED to be done. If it ain't broke don't fix it. This constant meddling for the sake of meddling with laws, with our lives, is causing more harm than good. I think I'm suffering from a severe bout of anger fatigue or, as the majority of the population call it, happiness because I just don't have the urge to rant and rage right now.

On the way back from the bank this morning I saw this car/Ka

Made me smile!

2012 olympics

2012-01-05T21:15:00.003Z

Taken directly from the 2012 olympics site

London 2012’s ambition is to create a Games for everyone, where everyone is invited to take part, join in and enjoy the most exciting event in the world.

London 2012 will create the most accessible and participative Games.

Accessible and participative? Everyone is invited to take part, join in and enjoy? Unless of course they want to tell their friends about the experience. That is tightly controlled by a communications team to make sure the *right* message is being delivered.

correctly interpret

2012-01-05T08:50:00.000Z

I'm not sure if Chris Snowdon has seen this yet but I'm sure that when he does he'll add it to his growing list of Stanton-isms

"If you take [Philip Morris's] own data and interpret it correctly, you could use this data to ban these additives."

What does Stanton Glantz mean by "interpret it correctly"? If his previous form is anything to go by it probably means "twist the results to fit my own personal worldview"

racist nonsense

2012-01-04T23:45:00.001Z

Can you imagine the outcry if an MP had made such a broad and sweeping generalisation about black people?

messing about with essex boys

2011-12-28T16:05:00.002Z

Threw the bikes around the Surrey hills again ....

green ewes liberation society

2011-12-25T09:08:00.003Z

Updated news on the Shoreham Sheep has appeared on the webpages of The Argus today

West Sussex County Council confirmed that the plastic sculptures had been taken “on a Christmas break”.

They were being stored in a secret location and would be back on the roundabout in the New Year, a spokeswoman said.

a small independent brewer's opinion

2011-12-21T09:00:00.001Z

As some of you are aware I brew beer for a living. Ok so it's currently unpaid as we're getting our small independent brewery up and running but very soon we'll get to a position where it will provide an income of sorts. So when I read SIBA (the Small Independent Brewers Association) giving space to repost, without comment or rebuttal, a piece from the Burton Mail it makes me even less inclined to sign up to their scheme.

This is the same SIBA who gave space on their website and in their journal to Alcohol Concern, an article written by their chief prohibitionist Don Shenker, and accepted them as a corporate member. You read that correctly - Alcohol Concern are a corporate member of the Small Independent Brewers Association. For some reason SIBA think this is a good idea. I hope that other brewers in my situation tell SIBA to go fuck themselves and withdraw from the organisation. Alcohol Concern is not the brewers friend and, ever increasingly, neither is SIBA.

So what did today's piece do to annoy me further? It was a report of a commons debate secured by Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative) in which the usual idiotic statements, fallacious comparisons, and calls for price regulation were made by MPs. I'll pick out some of the comments from Hansard

Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative) Numerous studies around the world have shown public health benefits as a result of price increases and taxation policies, so is it not time for some evidence-based politics?

Evidence based? As in all those European countries who have lower rates of tax on alcohol than we do and less trouble with drunkenness and those crazy Swedes with their healthy black market of smuggled alcohol because their government raised the tax on booze so high? Which evidence were you looking at?

Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative) I draw the attention of my hon. Friend the Minister to the letter in today’s edition of The Daily Telegraph signed by 19 organisations.

This letter? Signed by the BMA, Alcohol Concern, Alcohol Focus Scotland, Action on Addiction, etc etc etc. As many of these organisations receive large chunks of their income from the public purse I think they should fuck off and not get involved otherwise we might suspect they're being paid to promote the government's agenda.

Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative) In 2010, a total of 48.4 billion units of alcohol were sold in the UK. Of those, 31.8 billion units—about two thirds; the great and increasing majority—were sold by the off-trade. The widening gap between the price of on-licence and off-licence alcohol is becoming far more significant and is fuelling the rise in home drinking

And the smoking ban, instantly making smokers unwelcome in pubs, bars, restaurants, had absolutely nothing to do with this shift to off-sales?

Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative) I absolutely agree. Most of the alcohol-related carnage is caused by young binge drinkers and by heavy or dependent drinkers

Young drinkers who, due to increasingly heavy handed state regulation of pubs, can't learn how to drink properly until they're adults by which time it's too late. And if we can identify the cause of the antisocial behaviour (i.e. the individuals) why do we need even more regulation? Use the existing laws, don't create new ones.

Andrew Griffiths (Con): I agree with her about the need for the Government to take action. Does she agree with me on this point? Twenty years ago, the price in a supermarket and the price in a pub were much the same at about 75p a pint. Today, a pint costs £3.10, £3.20 or £3.30 in a pub, whereas in a supermarket it remains at about 70p or 80p.

I've yet to find a supermarket that sells decent quality beer for 70p per pint. Looking around the web the cheapest I can find is approx £1.40 per pint (for decent beer. More on that in a moment) The differential between the cost of on-sales and off-sales is misleading though. If you are taking away from the premises you don't need your glass washed (you do that yourself), service is quicker and therefore less costly, furniture doesn't need to be supplied, toilets aren't provided etc. The cost of your pint in a pub pays for all of those things too.

Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative) I absolutely agree. The point is that in the UK harmful drinkers buy 15 times more alcohol than moderate drinkers, yet they pay 40% less per unit.

Is there a government scheme for a special discount card? Harmful drinkers pay exactly the same as every other customer of a given retail outlet for their alcohol (unless they steal it of course).

Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative) With a four-pack of bitter for 68p, the price was just 17p a unit.

Asda Smart Price Bitter, at 2.1% ABV, which works out to 0.9 units of alcohol per can or, after rounding, 19p per unit (not 17p as claimed), and tastes like dishwater. A decent beer, such as Thornbridge Jaipur, is £2.39 a pint in a supermarket. It costs £3.20 in my local.

Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative)I particularly objected to the labelling. It said, “Asda Smart Price”. I put it to hon. Members that there is nothing smart about charging 68p for four units of alcohol. That would send a woman well over the safe limit for a single day for just 68p.

Safe daily limit? What if that's the only alcohol your imaginary woman drinks all week?

Sarah Wollaston (alleged Conservative) I thank my hon. Friend for making that point. We need to show what minimum pricing means in practice if we set a reasonable price.

The problem is that once you've got a minimum price you can claim it isn't working and raise it higher and higher.

If we set a minimum price of around 45p a unit, as the Scottish Government are planning to do, in a Bill introduced at the end of October, it would mean that a bottle of whisky containing 28 units could not be sold below £12.60, a bottle of wine containing 10 units could not cost less than £4.50, and a pint of beer with two units could not cost less than 90p.

As your colleague pointed out earlier that a pint of beer was as little as 70p or 80p in a supermarket and this was scandalously low the idea of a 90p pint is, quite honestly, fucking ridiculous. Almost immediately minimum pricing is introduced there will be calls to raise it as it hasn't had the impact it was supposed to.

Such prices would not suck all the fun from a night out; in fact, they would not raise the price of alcohol in the on-trade at all.

Don't tell Shenker that. He clearly wants to suck the fun out of everyone else's lives so that they are as miserable as him.

So, the organisation that allegedly represents the interests of small brewers has aligned itself with an organisation that seems determined to destroy the small brewers of this country and politicians who are of similar mind. Cunts.

singing hedgehogs

2011-12-20T09:30:00.000Z

Festive? You want festive? Ok ... have this then ....

Click through to youtube to watch it biggerer. It's worth the effort.

Mrs Tam Fry

2011-12-19T15:11:00.003Z

As I was flicking through The Mirror at lunchtime today, waiting for my food to arrive, I noticed this story somewhere around page 9 of the paper. I can't find the Mirror's version online (The Express has also covered the story) so you'll have to make do with the dodgy photo instead.

Where to start? Researching how to take the pleasure out of food? That's just wrong. Food is fun. In my experience the people who think food isn't fun tend to be the overweight ones. There's no joy for them in cooking or eating but they continue to do it because they think they're hungry. Reducing eating to a chore that has to be endured is unlikely to help them or change their attitudes to food.

Chemically controlling if someone is hungry or not. I might have to reach for the tinfoil headwear but I can see many ways that could be misused. I don't understand what's wrong with good old fashioned self-control. Surely a better solution?

There was some research published a couple of months ago that suggested that thin parents had thin kids because they passed that trait on GENETICALLY. If it transpires that body mass is affected by your genetic inheritance then it won't make a difference what chemicals you ingest.

Finally, I had to snigger at this line

Tam Fry, from the National Obesity Forum, said she thinks the new pill "offers a breakthrough"

SHE? *childish giggles* Maybe that's why it's not on The Mirror's website?

finely balanced

2011-12-17T20:20:00.000Z

You can tinker with it, nudge it gently in many directions, but if you push it too hard then the balance is lost. I'm sure there's a message there somewhere ......

how fucking stupid?

2011-12-16T08:59:00.001Z

A few weeks ago I noticed West Sussex County Council had, as many other councils have, decorated a roundabout. They'd put some green sheep on it. I was surprised the first time I saw them because for the last decade that roundabout has been laid to grass with no ornamentation at all.

I quite liked them. Then a few days later this happened

According to the Argus this is because

Panicked motorists who thought the bright green sheep were real had complained to West Sussex County Council.

Thank you so much you complete fucktards. If you're that thick that you can't tell the difference between plastic sheep and real ones then you should hand in your driving license and stick to walking.

**UPDATE 18th Dec 2011**

The sheep have been completely removed.

24-3 now?

2011-12-15T21:18:00.003Z

When iDave came back from waving his veto around in Brussels there were howls of outrage from LibDems and Labours for isolating the UK from the rest of Europe. Except now, it would seem, more countries are expressing concerns over closer fiscal union. Does this mean we are no longer in a group of one?

NSFW pub locator

2011-12-15T17:24:00.004Z

If you're somewhere new and you've got no idea where the pubs are, and you're not of a sensitive disposition, then wherethefuckshouldigofordrinks is the NSFW tool for you. It's not perfect by any means but it's a start....

title of the day

2011-12-14T17:54:00.002Z

And the award must surely be winging it's way to Mark Daniels for this in the Morning Advertiser

pornaments

2011-12-13T10:00:00.000Z

Want something different hanging on your Xmas tree? Why not buy some pornaments (NSFW)? The decoration pictured above is the tamest one they do. You've been warned .....

shootview

2011-12-12T17:28:00.002Z

I wonder how long it takes for the condemnation to start and calls for this to be banned?

In the meantime ..... go enjoy!!

UPDATE: The link is producing a 404 error so, until it's back up, here's a short preview video (NSFW text) of what you're missing

low paid

2011-12-12T11:56:00.000Z

The Mirror has a story this morning that is as deceptive as it is repetitive.

Low-paid workers such as cleaners, catering assistants and machine operators are most likely to be on the dole for more than six months if they lose their job, according to new research.

The TUC analysis showed that as unemployment rises and the number of job vacancies fall, a growing proportion of unemployed people are staying on the dole for over six months, hitting low-paid workers more than others.

The TUC report has a little more depth to it but still fails to address the issue of WHY are these people more likely to be unemployed so can I suggest two possible reasons?

1. National Minimum Wage, alongside other employment regulations, has made it uneconomic for companies to employ these people. Employers are afraid of the long term financial consequences of employing too many staff.

2. Catering, cleaning, and factory work are seen by many as low skilled employment sought by people of low aspiration and intelligence. In many cases this is true. You don't need a degree to clean offices or flip burgers (although having a degree doesn't, in practise, enable you to perform either of this tasks with any level of skill or competency). People with low or inappropriate skill sets are not being employed.

Solutions? Mine are quite simplistic. Remove minimum wage, reduce employment regulation to rebalance the relationship between employee and employer, alter the benefit system so it returns to being a safety net for the most needy and no longer a lifestyle choice.

sexist stuff

2011-12-12T09:03:00.000Z

Hillary Clinton wrote an impassioned piece in the Guardian recently calling for renewed action to stop violence against women which, on the face of it, is all very nice and good. Except I have a problem with it.

This violence against women. Who perpetrates it? The article never specifically states who should stop being violent towards women but you are left with the overwhelming sense that Hillary means men. It's as if no woman has ever been violent to another woman which is clearly farcical.

What makes the article a little strange is that, in her position as Secretary of State, she advises on US foreign policy and the US seems to be dropping a large number of bombs on people at the moment (Is there a difference between violence committed by the state and violence committed by an individual?). Are these bombs fitted with smart technology so that they only target men?

Violence in all its forms should be discouraged Hillary and not just when the victim is female.

oppressive regimes

2011-12-09T07:51:00.003Z

One morning, without any warning, representatives of the government storm into your house, call you a criminal and confiscate your things. When you try to mount a legal challenge to get them back as you aren't a criminal the government blocks your attempts to get justice by colluding with the legal system to exclude you. Secret hearings are held with no record of their existence and even your legal representative is not informed about them.

It could never happen in a democracy could it? Especially one with a left wing president?

Do go read the link.

an advanced guide on good PR from paypal

2011-12-06T18:31:00.002Z

Lesson 1

Don't, whatever you do, behave like we did because the resultant social media storm will leave you tarnished.

porn filter

2011-12-06T07:54:00.002Z

The much trumpeted plan by the government to insist that ISPs offer a network level solution to stop kids accessing porn is proving to be less than a complete success.

Hahahahahahaha.

geeky

2011-12-03T22:21:00.004Z

Made by daughter for her brother's birthday. For those of you who are looking blankly apparently it's a cakey representation of Minecraft.

He liked it.

like

2011-12-03T10:04:00.002Z

The borders between reality and the internet are further blurred today. I bought my son a "like" and "dislike" self inking stamper set for his birthday today. The first thing he did was to grab the "like" and stamp his sister's forehead. She refuses to wash it off.

child abuse

2011-12-02T21:27:00.003Z

I'd just made hot chocolates for the kids when my youngest informs me that he actually doesn't like it with squirty cream on top. He was moaning loudly so my daughter said, from the other side of the room, "Bring me a spoon and I'll eat your cream."

I looked her square in the eyes and, just as she took a large gulp of her drink, said "You might want to edit that for bookface."

To be fair she tried not to spray her mouthful everywhere but the urge to laugh was too strong.

fuel poverty

2011-12-02T15:00:00.002Z

Sky News reports that Wales is the fuel poverty capital of Britain with 32% of households being 'fuel poor'.

The employment rate for Wales is approximately 67%

Are the two connected in any way?

UPDATE

The BBC have a different set of figures produced by Consumer Focus with over 41% of Welsh homes in 'fuel poverty'. That's quite a substantial difference in less than 12 hours.

Have a new raft of 'green' taxes been applied to fuel today to make it even more unaffordable?

at least they won't be late for lectures

2011-12-02T10:23:00.002Z

Brighton students occupy university building

velocity

2011-12-02T06:49:00.004Z

Last night I saw a pint of Velocity, the first beer brewed by the Adur Valley Co-operative under the brand name of Adur Brewery, being drunk. You have to admire what they've done. Making their beer hazy rather than clear, to imitate the way things look when you view them while travelling at speed, is a bold move.

thought for the day

2011-11-30T09:00:00.001Z

When you're at the beginning of a relationship you spend all day wishing your phone will ring just so you can have a few seconds conversation with the one you desire. To hear their voice and know they're ok is the greatest feeling.

When you're at the end of a relationship you look at your phone and think "what the fuck do they want now?" every time they call.

i think they mean 'more expensive'

2011-11-29T11:30:00.000Z

According to the Telegraph

A raft of changes will be implemented in January represent the biggest overhaul of the MoT test since car emissions were included in the early 1990s.

The new checks will include inspecting a series of dashboard warning lights telling drivers if there is a problem with their airbags, tyre pressures, power steering and main headlight beam. Power steering will also be subject to inspection with the MoT demanding a minimum level of fluid. Other items to be checked include anti-lock brakes and electronic stability control systems.

All these extra checks will take more time to complete which less MOT tests can be carried out in a day. Which will push the price of motoring up yet again.

Are you sure we have a Conservative government?

brewery update

2011-11-29T09:00:00.000Z

Things are going exceedingly well. We've settled down to a steady rhythm of supply and sales and have built a core of 15 pubs that regularly, as well as a similar number who we occasionally, buy our beer. Of course this isn't enough and we're constantly striving to increase that number through a variety of methods. If you know, or are, a landlord in Sussex who is free of tie then I'll come out with a sample of our beers for you to try.

The official launch of our second beer, Devils Dyke, is at the Shepherd & Dog Fulking on Friday 2nd Dec. This 5.0% ABV Porter style beer is shaping up to be very special indeed. I've not tasted it since the day it went into a cask so I'm waiting eagerly to be formally introduced. That didn't stop me from pre-selling a quarter of the gyle before I'd even brewed it! It should be full of chocolate, vanilla, and caramel with some subtle hints of marmalade but, like you, I won't know for certain for the next few days.

If you're in the area there is a competition for visitors to the pub that weekend to name our third beer! I've written the recipe, it's going to be a light, hoppy, refreshing, clean, summery ale at 3.7% ABV, so if you want your name to be considered alongside the other suggestions you now know what you have to do.

The time between brews of Ruskin's Ram is diminishing as sales increase and we're looking at having to buy more casks to be able to keep up with rising demand. We definitely won't be buying them from GPS because they're unable to work to their specified delivery dates.

unlicensed perm

2011-11-28T21:57:00.000Z

Apparently David Morris MP (allegedly a Conservative) will on Wednesday be calling on the government to

(make) it compulsory for all hairdressers to be state registered.

Morris' proposals would also mean that in order to become state registered, hairdressers would have to obtain a City and Guilds or an NVQ level 2 qualification in hairdressing and complete salon training under the supervision of a state registered hairdresser.

There is an obvious conundrum that one can only become a state registered hairdresser if one has been trained by a state registered hairdresser and as no state registered hairdressers exist it will be impossible to train to become a state registered hairdresser.

That aside I thought we were promised a reduction in unnecessary regulation, red tape, and bureaucracy only recently?

If this does pass into law what will be the net effect? Higher charges for customers as the expense of becoming registered is passed on, more 'mobile hairdressers' working on a cash only basis, and a criminal charge of 'coiffuring without a license'?

According to the article there are approx 300,000 hairdressers in the UK and there were 351 injuries reported in the year March 09 - March 10. On that basis the 'problem' that this law will 'solve' is fucking minuscule however the regulation and interference this will create is massive.

those busy roundels

2011-11-28T19:09:00.004Z

The ladder represents Mr Bercow’s ascent from humble beginnings, as the son of a taxi driver in north London. He went to a comprehensive, before entering Parliament as MP for Buckingham and becoming Speaker in 2009.

The roundels mark Mr Bercow’s fondness for tennis – he is a qualified lawn tennis coach – and also represent his role as ex officio chairman of the Boundaries Commission of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

The seax knives, which were traditionally worn by Saxon warriers over 1,000 years ago, represent Mr Bercow’s attachment to Essex. He went to university in the county, graduating in 1985 with a first class degree in Government.

The rainbow colours and pink triangles mark Mr Bercow's championing of the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans-sexual people. They sit between his motto: “All Are Equal”.

The red and blue colours, as well as the gold colour of the roundels, represent the three main parties in the House of Commons.

Well I suppose it's appropriate to represent the Lib Dems as a load of balls ......

Ecstasy

2011-11-28T09:00:00.000Z

According to the reporter on Sky News ecstasy has been responsible for over 200 deaths since 1996. So that's between 12 (200) and 19 (300) deaths per year from ecstasy which to me doesn't seem like a particularly large number.

The reason this statistic has come to light is that two men have died in hospital after a night out in a London club. While the headlines in the MSM are all screaming that they are ecstasy deaths they've all got this part of the same press release that they've printed verbatim tucked away about 2/3 down

The Metropolitan Police have said the cause of the deaths and injury is yet to be established, but that one line of inquiry was that the men may have taken illegal substances, possibly MDMA - the chemical name for ecstasy.

I think it's fairly fucking plain that "cause of death yet to be established" is not ambiguous at all but it hasn't stopped this being branded as an ecstasy story before all of the facts are known.

I don't know if they did or didn't take ecstasy.

hangover cure

2011-11-27T13:26:00.005Z

The weapons grade hangover I woke up with this morning wasn't going to go away unless radical action was taken so I headed up to Peaselake for some mountain biking fun. I met up with some blokes I've ridden with many times in the Walking Bottom car park for some gentle chat and piss-taking before we set off. My tales from Friday night were tame in comparison to the events that unfolded elsewhere; one of the others had 5 stitches holding his forehead together.

As we set off, having decided not to take waterproofs, rain started to fall. Sorry, it didn't rain, a light mousse of mist descended. I guess you had to be there ......

I don't ride Pitch/Leith/Holmbury very often, unlike the others who get to play there far more frequently, so I was content to sit at the back of the group and be guided around the sweet singletrack trails in the gorgeous woods that cover all three hills. That was, and remains, my excuse. That and the hangover.

As we reached the Judge's Seat the sun burst through the clouds and, while we stood there discussing which line to take, we looked like gods. Truthfully they looked like gods (as you can see from the photo) and I looked a little dazed and confused. From there we swooped and dropped and climbed and fell and stopped and glided around a variety of well known named paths and some unknown (to us) tracks that we found on the way. A couple of hours later we reached the tea rooms where a well earned mug of tea and chunk of cake was gratefully consumed.

The hangover is gone!

Global Polymer Solutions are shit

2011-11-26T18:00:00.000Z

Dear micro-brewer,

You've got to that point where you are considering buying casks from Global Polymer Solutions (GPS) and you're checking the internet to see if they're any good. I like the product, the casks are sturdy, lightweight, good value, but their customer service, delivery times and attitude towards delivery times is absolutely shit. After the latest fiasco which has left me with beer sitting in fermenters I will do anything to avoid having to deal with them again even if that means I've got to ditch the casks.

Last year, while I was working at Adur Brewery, we ordered 20 firkins from GPS. As requested we paid upfront for them and then waited, and waited, and waited for them to arrive. Delivery dates came and went, promises were made then broken on repeated occasions. They finally arrived over 6 weeks later than originally promised.

In the summer I contacted Greg Whitehorne (the MD of GPS) asking for a shive tool which is essential to being able to use the casks. Without it you cannot accurately tighten the screw in shives to the right tightness to prevent the beer leaking. Even though Greg assured me they'd sorted out their logistics issues he managed to send the tool to the wrong address. It took more than 3 weeks to arrive.

Just over a week ago I ordered shives from GPS. I was told, yet again, that their logistics were sorted. I was told that the shives I'd ordered had been dispatched the day I ordered. A week after they were supposed to be with me they still hadn't arrived so I phoned Greg to find out where they were. He refused to answer my calls and instead got someone else to call me back. Apparently there had been a slight error at their end and they'll be dispatched on Monday. I'm fucking livid. I was promised they'd be with me last Monday not dispatched this coming Monday.

I received a text earlier to tell me that some had been dropped into the post and would be with me in the next few days. If I'm honest I'm not holding my breath as their record so far is 3 orders, 3 late deliveries, about 25 promised delivery dates missed. I'm looking at other options because I would rather deal with a reliable supplier that keeps it's promises and doesn't damage my brewery's reputation.

minimum wage - at least £2kpa too high

2011-11-25T05:54:00.003Z

When you consider the announcement that Nick Clegg is due to make today that is the only conclusion a sane person can make.

Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister, will today announce a £1 billion scheme to pay firms more than £2,000 for each young unemployed person they hire.

The simpler and far more cost effective solution would be to remove the barriers that are preventing people from getting jobs and let the markets do their thing. It's what you'd expect a Tory government to do but unfortunately this Conservative/Lib Dem coagulation are determined to interfere as much as the previous Labour scrotes.

you can't have it

2011-11-23T08:09:00.002Z

I haven't been closely following the shale gas argument but, it seems to me, that if we have a resource that will provide continual power on demand that seems like a pretty decent way to ensure fuel security. Unlike the haphazard output from wind turbines.

It would seem the proponents of wind power, or "big windmill", are unhappy about the competition.

#

2011-11-22T13:48:00.002Z

It seems that Twitter hashtags have made someone very upset. Read the other side of the story here.

I should probably confess that I know the blogger and the claims about his personal situation by the anonymous commenter are complete and utter bollocks.

segregate the gayers

2011-11-20T14:49:00.006Z

Brighton, which hosts an annual Pride celebration, has always had a general atmosphere of tolerance and integration. Yes, there have been isolated incidents of intolerance (whichever -phobia or -ism has been invoked) but generally speaking it's an easygoing place. Fortunately many of those leaving comments in this Argus piece understand this and are against the idea of separate, segregated "gay village" area of the city.

Business Mouse (NSFW)

2011-11-19T18:20:00.001Z

good grief!

2011-11-18T20:40:00.003Z

Mark Hall, who co-created much-loved children's animations including Danger Mouse has died. He was 75, and died after a short illness, his son said.

Dear Dave Sexton,

2011-11-18T08:53:00.002Z

The line you used in your anti smoker rant yesterday

"What next, a ban on smoking in the home?" Yes, indeed, eventually. Although perhaps after a ban on smoking anywhere at all in public, including outside. To be followed eventually by a ban on the sale and possession of cigarettes altogether.

is quite amusing. Could you please acquire some fabricated statistics to prove just how successful the total prohibition of cannabis, cocaine, heroin etc has been in preventing their sale and distribution in the UK?

In the meantime, among the many delusions about their habit that smokers foster - such as the belief that they themselves will not be among the half of all regular users to be killed by it

I think that you, like many of the rabid anti-smokers, are under the illusion that because you don't smoke you will live forever. Not wishing to burst your bubble but, to quote Bill Hicks, "non-smokers die every day". Every day in the UK approximately four times the number of non-smokers die than smokers. If I was producing dodgy statistics, that you could reproduce without question, I could suggest that non-smokers were four times more likely to die than smokers.

We used to think it normal to see people smoking on planes, in the Tube, on trains. Already that seems utterly bizarre.

I remember when trains had smoking carriages. They were fucking brilliant. At almost any time, apart from rush hour, you could walk through an almost empty train until you found the smoking carriage which would be absolutely crammed full of people, conversations between strangers would be flowing, it was a vibrant place to be.

But I think that is part of your problem Dave. You feel left out, as if you're missing out on something but you don't know what, and it's eating away at you. You probably mocked your smoking colleagues when they went outside for a fag but that was just a cover for your feelings of exclusion. The smokers were having a conversation without you, maybe about you (unlikely, we talk about important things), and maybe you feel threatened by that?

I'm off to spark one up so if you want to read a more thorough fisking of your hate filled article then pop over The Moose

manwiddicombe

water joke

2011-11-18T08:31:00.002Z

The EU have issued a new directive that bottled water manufacturers can no longer claim that drinking water can help prevent dehydration.

Can we leave yet?

23

2011-11-16T07:40:00.002Z

So the BBC has regurgitated the BMA lie without actually bothering to research? No surprise there then.

The British Medical Association called for the extension of the current ban on smoking in public places after reviewing evidence of the dangers.

It highlighted research showing the levels of toxins in a car can be up to 23 times higher than in a smoky bar.

This claim is a total fairy tale, a complete fabrication, utter bollocks. It has no basis in reality (unless your reality is that all smoking and smokers are bad and must be stopped at any cost). The BMA are using this lie to again call for a total ban on smoking in cars because

an outright ban - even if there were no passengers - would be the best way of protecting children as well as non-smoking adults.

Yes, that's right, a total ban on smoking in cars will protect people who aren't in the vehicle from being exposed to smoke. It's almost as if they've given up pretending that they're not making this shit up. It's utterly absurd.

Meanwhile, in Wales a public awareness campaign has begun highlighting the dangers of smoking in cars. Officials have said if that does not succeed over the next three years, a ban will be introduced.

So the Welsh will have a 'public awareness' campaign and if the public tell them to fuck off and mind their own business and stop producing dodgy reports with no factual accuracy then there will be a ban anyway? Why am I not surprised?

what's in a name?

2011-11-15T23:25:00.001Z

story

smokers

2011-11-15T16:00:00.000Z

With the news that Australia is still on course to become the first country to force cigarettes into bland, brand free packets, a quote from Nicola Roxon, their Health Minister, has me confused

"It will give our country the best chance of having the lowest smoking rates and, of course, that will mean many lives are saved and many families that don't go through the grief and pain of seeing someone die because of a tobacco-related illness."

I remember years ago (late 80s, early 90s?) there was a book released about smoking, smoking rates, smoking related illness incidence, smoking statistics written from an anti-anti-smoking-lobby point of view. In it the author examined, among other things, the claims that smoking caused smoking related diseases. He looked at the available statistics for smoking and hospital admissions in many countries around the world and found there was not always a direct correlation between the two.

In fact in Japan, which had one of the highest percentages of smokers in the adult population, there were relatively few cases of smoking related illness.

Australia on the other hand had relatively few smokers but a very high number of smoking related illnesses.

Which leads inevitably to the conclusion that the Australians are, for whatever reason, more disposed towards smoking related illnesses than the Japanese and that this may not be connected to the actual act of smoking.

I wish I could find a copy of this book and whether it's been comprehensively disproven yet ......

PETA. Cunts. Again.

2011-11-15T09:00:00.000Z

PETA being utterly cuntish again and, to coincide with the much hyped launch of Super Mario 3DS, are trying to promote their really shit flash game. The controls are shit, the music is shit, the message is so unbelievably shit (the only cunts to blur the distinction between reality and video games are campaigning cunts like PETA who are trying to get noticed) that it's laughable.

car numberplates I want

2011-11-14T17:18:00.001Z

Yes, I know, sniggering at this as I followed it down the road was very very childish indeed .....

what?

2011-11-13T21:54:00.003Z

The Guardian editorial piece today begins and ends with

Liberals and leftists alike will brush off the concern about unelected hands grabbing too much political power at their peril

While I can understand Liberals being upset with political power grabs by the unelected it's not normally something that bothers the left. In my lifetime the left has, as I understand it, been particularly keen to set up as many unelected, unaccountable bodies to wield political power.

I think what the Guardian means is "unelected non-lefty-sympathising hands" but they're unlikely to make the alteration.

learning to listen

2011-11-12T13:46:00.002Z

East Sussex County Council are pushing forward with plans to merge two schools in Peacehaven despite 95% of the people who took part in a public consultation disagreeing with the plan.

I don't know the schools or the issues involved so difficult for me to comment on whether, in my opinion, the plans are good or not. However if 95% of the public don't want it to happen then the public servants should not be careering forward with the plans.

Nick Bennett, cabinet member for learning and school effectiveness, said:

"It is very clear that many do not like our proposals to close these two schools and create a new primary in their place. However, while people raised very legitimate concerns and I can understand those concerns, I still believe these important plans are the right way forward for these schools and the pupils who attend them. Improving overall standards and attainment for the children attending these schools has to be our priority and I believe amalgamating the schools will help achieve that."

Quite frankly Nick I don't give a shit what you think. It's what the people you are supposed to be serving think, and they have almost unanimously rejected the proposal. To pursue a plan so soundly rejected makes you look like an arrogant self-serving tosser. Are you?

Drinkify

2011-11-10T17:51:00.004Z

I've just discovered a useful website for those "I'm sitting listening to music and fancy a drink but don't know what to have" moments.

Type the name of the artist into Drinkify and it will recommend a drink to you. I think it will even play a track from the artist you name although while I could see it was there it wouldn't work for me. So it's not perfect, some of the drink/music combinations seemed a little bizarre too, but it's definitely worth a visit next time you're having one of those moments ....

HSBD

2011-11-08T19:44:00.003Z

In the comments over at Leg-irons' place Curmudgeon and I were discussing the impact of the high strength beer duty (HSBD) on the occurrence of high strength beers. I strongly believed, having witnessed a conversation between the Head Brewer and Finance Director of a brewery, that it will reduce the frequency of new, niche, high strength ales because apart from the *new*, *exciting*, extra charge microbreweries will not be able to claim SBR for those beers. Essentially this would add 150% to the existing duty charge for the beer. Or so I believed.

Then Curmudgeon gave links to HMRC sources that seemed to indicate that my initial belief that Small Brewers Relief (SBR) would not be applicable for high strength beers was completely wrong. There it was, in clear text, on an HMRC site, the information that SBR could still be claimed but not on the HSBD element. Today I was at the other brewery and I had the chance to explain what I'd read.

They were adamant I was mistaken and dragged out their EX46 or, to the uninitiated, their Beer Duty Return (.pdf). The problem is that the wording on the return confuses the issue all over again. It strongly seems to imply that SBR is not applicable to high strength beers, even though the other sections of the HMRC electronic empire say that it does, because of the part of the form that you use to record this epic brews.

I still have no idea which is correct. Until it's properly clarified I'm not even going near to 7.5% ABV with my beers which, I guess, means that my initial point about brewers shying away from higher strength brews was right?

offensive!

2011-11-07T07:57:00.002Z

I'm trying to get my head around this so bear with me ..... if the joke was so offensive as to attract criticism why has The Argus reproduced it in full? Is it to cause more offence? Is it to show how vile Jimmy Carr is? I'm not sure I understand their motivation or stance ....

"But", I hear you cry, "you've uploaded a screenshot of the article thus extending the lifespan of the offensive joke!!". Yes I have because I believe that being offended is a basic human right. I'm not sure if his Tweet was either a)funny or b)offensive but there's bound to be someone who will find it one or the other.

all your organs are belong to us

2011-11-06T14:15:00.001Z

If you're Welsh

when you say 'fully functional'

2011-11-04T23:53:00.002Z

Buy this one off piece of, erm, well, erm, yes, here

lollipopcams are go!

2011-11-03T09:15:00.003Z

The Telegraph reports

Bad drivers will be recorded on the miniature cameras concealed within “lollipop” stop signs carried by school crossing patrols in an effort to improve road safety. North Somerset Council has purchased one of the new £1,500 "lollicams" following reports of speeding and abusive motorists.

Council staff will watch the footage and decide whether to issue warning letters or ask the police to prosecute offenders.

Apart from the cost of buying the cameras, and the cost of paying someone to watch all of the footage, I think this is a really bad idea. The vast majority of motorists respect the lollipop wielders and, as has been my experience, the vast majority of lollipop wielders respect motorists. Remote observation isn't going to change that.

Although ..... if the cameras are going to be used to gather evidence of abuse of position as well as bad motoring .....

bloody foreign students

2011-11-02T16:52:00.002Z

they come over here, bite our teachers

Or have I misunderstood the tone of the BBC News homepage header?

identity crisis

2011-11-02T11:17:00.003Z

Mark Wadsworth informs me that there may be some doubt as to the identity of Beauty, the cat stolen by convicted criminal Christine Hemming (estranged wife of Lib Dem MP John Hemming), paraded around the media this last week. It's been alleged that the miraculous find is nothing of the sort and is an entirely different feline.

So where does that leave cat stealing Christine's PR machine? I assume they'll be working double overtime ....

the financial equality game

2011-11-02T08:08:00.005Z

As I stood in the shower this morning, hot water cascading over my firm naked flesh (*cough* sorry, wrong site *cough*) ......

*ahem*

Just before I dived in the shower this morning I'd been reading a few arguments in different internet spaces about the #occupy protests, capitalism, money, social order and mobility, benefit cuts, austerity and it got me thinking. If we were to balance the current financial inequality in the world, redistribute ALL of the wealth equally, what would be the outcome?

I think I know what I think would happen but I'm curious to know what everyone else believes the consequences of such a move would be.

So here's the mental game I was playing for you join in with

Assumptions:

1. At Midnight on Dec 31st 2012 the newly formed Entire World Transitional Government Concord (EWTGC) declares that on Dec 31st 2020 they will redistribute the wealth of the planet so that every person alive has an equal share. Children under 8 years old will be entitled but cannot access their share until they are 8, anyone born after that date will not be entitled to a share.

2. People can do whatever they want with their wealth. It will belong to them after the redistribution and the EWTGC will not interfere with their actions, apart from enforcing contract law and basic common law or acting as arbiter to resolve disputes.

3. There is no escaping from the action. The super wealthy will not be able to hide any assets from the EWTGC and access them after the redistribution.

Additional (from comments): 4. For the sake of the exercise "wealth" refers to financial/fiscal/monetary wealth and not human skills/abilities/attributes.

Question:
What are the various future impacts of the action? Discuss the probable outcomes for 2025

Answers:

Once you've thought about it write it up and post it online. Leave the link in the comments and I'll add it here (Equally if you think there's any 'assumptions' that I've missed feel free to suggest them via the comments. I'll add them as appropriate).

the suspense is keeping me awake!

2011-11-02T06:32:00.001Z

I wonder what it is that they can say at 08:00 that they can't say at 00:11?

you must not censor the internet but we can?

2011-11-01T11:55:00.002Z

As reported by the Guardian today William Hague has been

insisting that cyberspace must not be "stifled by government control or censorship"

this from the same government that has forced ISPs to censor the internet service of new subscribers .......

google reader

2011-10-31T22:00:00.001Z

Am I the only one that thinks the new skin that google has put on the RSS reader is a bit shit and not as easily accessible as the old skin?

boozy kids

2011-10-30T13:18:00.002Z

Three news sources that I've read today reported on the survey results and statistics published by the Schools Health Education Unit. Compare the way that Sky News

The study found that 4% of 12 and 13-year-olds had drunk 28 or more units of alcohol in the week prior to being surveyed - the equivalent of 19 glasses of wine. This exceeds the Government's daily unit guidelines for men (three to four units) and women (two to three units).

the Telegraph

Meanwhile, some children as young as 12 were found to be drinking the equivalent of 19 glasses of wine a week. The study by the unit, based on data collected from more than 83,000 children aged between 10 and 15, found four per cent of children aged 12 or 13 had drunk 28 units or more of alcohol in the week before they were questioned – exceeding government limits for adult men, who can safely drink three to four units a day.

and the BBC

A small number of children as young as 12 claimed they drank the equivalent of 19 glasses of wine a week when questioned for a health survey.Research by the independent Schools Health Education Unit suggested that 4% of those questioned aged 12 or 13 claimed they drank 28 units or more.

report the findings. Surprisingly, the BBC is the only one of the three to highlight that these are claims made by the children surveyed and not absolute facts.

Also gasting my flabber is that the BBC is the only one of the three reports to mention that the claimed consumption figures are lower than previous surveys. From reading the other two articles you're left with the impression that it's a major problem that is definitely trending in the 'getting worse' direction.

What's happened at the BBC? Have all the temperance writers taken the day off?

you can tell she's married to an MP

2011-10-29T11:00:00.000+01:00

Christine Hemming, wife of Lib Dem MP John Hemming, has been been given a nine-month suspended jail sentence and 150 hours of community service after being found guilty of burglary according to the Independent. Apparently there was video footage of her sneaking into the house of her husband's long term lover (and mother to his daughter) then leaving with a cat, called Beauty, under her arm which has not been seen since the incident (the cat, not the arm).

After being found guilty Christine said

"I'm not a criminal, yet I have a conviction. I did not deliberately take the cat. The whole process has been very unfortunate. I think the cat's the victim."

which is utterly mind boggling. Yes Christine you are a criminal because you have a conviction. You might have thought your actions were justified but a jury of your peers disagreed.

And just how the fuck does one "not deliberately" pick up a cat, put it under their arm, and walk away with it? Did the cat have a gun and force you to steal it? Did it blackmail you into abducting it from its home?

The process was "unfortunate"? As in, the criminal justice process unfortunately let the world know that you are a petty criminal? And yes, the cat is the victim. OF YOUR CRIME.

If this Coagulation makes any more cat gaffes this year .. .. .. ..

those crazy canadian politicians

2011-10-29T05:58:00.002+01:00

How would you describe a creature that's at the top of the food chain, the only real predator of humanity?

Cool?

Courageous?

Dignified?

Maybe we should introduce Senator Nicole Eaton and MP Pat Martin to a polar bear, up close and personal, and see if they change their minds?

minge

2011-10-28T09:11:00.005+01:00

While I was in the pub last week I was bought a pint of Crouch Vale's Summit. I've had a few of their beers before and I've quite liked them so I was looking forward to trying it. After we'd taken our first mouthful the purchaser of said pint asked me what I could taste. I described the beer to him as best I could before asking what he thought. "Well", he said, "all I can taste is minge."

He was right. Every time I drank the beer after that all I could taste was well maintained, clean, tidy, minge. We had another pint of the Summit just to be sure.

I later tweeted to see if anyone else had noticed and the brewery replied ....

The conversation didn't end there .....

They have a sense of humour. I think I quite like them!

contempt

2011-10-25T06:29:00.003+01:00

If ever you needed proof how the political parties view the population then the debate on a referendum over our relationship with the EU in parliament last night says it all.

The three largest political parties imposed a 3 line whip on a vote, to see if we the people should be polled directly to find out what we think, the result of which was in no way binding on the government.

The message from Parliament is clear: "Go fuck yourselves plebs"

bringing powers back from the EU

2011-10-22T11:15:00.002+01:00

In today's Telegraph William Hague says

“As a Conservative, I want to bring powers back from Europe, as we set out in our election manifesto. But a referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU, especially at this time of profound economic uncertainty, is not the answer.”

As I regularly admit I'm no fucking expert in this area but surely the simplest and quickest way to get back the ability for self governance is to leave the EU altogether? If we're not part of it we can make our own decisions about things like tax, border control, foreign policy ...... now whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is an entirely separate conversation but ......

Hope

2011-10-21T10:27:00.003+01:00

I was dragged, kicking and screaming, up to Carshalton last night for the beer festival at The Hope. Ok so maybe I went voluntarily and there wasn't any screaming ....... I was invited to attend by the head brewer of Kent Brewery (who makes some stunning beers) as it would be a chance for us to sit and chat about all things brewery related and an opportunity that I wasn't going to turn down.

I've never been to The Hope before and was utterly charmed by the people who run it. They're friendly, welcoming, knowledgeable, run a great cellar and have a great range of beers to try especially at the moment with the beer festival running. They told me a little about the history of the pub, what kind of establishment it was when they took it over and what their vision is for the future. I wish them the best of luck with that; not that they'll need luck because they've done a brilliant job so far.

The worst part of the evening was when they found out who I was. They instantly demanded that I supply them with Ruskin's Ram after having it recommended to them by one of their customers! Delivery should be arranged over the next 10 days so if you're around that area you can get to try my beer soon.

smack

2011-10-20T12:59:00.004+01:00

The Welsh Assembly did not grant the right to smack children so it cannot withdraw it unlike the implication in the wording of this question. What is it with Socialists and the belief that The State is all powerful?*

*Don't answer that ......

smokers cause fires

2011-10-20T08:31:00.003+01:00

The Argus has this story today which is confusing me

Specifically this section of the story

It took firefighters 45 minutes to find the cause of the blaze - a cigarette thrown from a top floor window which had wedged in brickwork.

I've thrown many fag ends at bins, drains, walls, floors, cars, railings, drainpipes and not once, ever, never ever have I managed to wedge a burning end into brickwork. Not once. Has anyone?

Even if I had I would hope that the bricks would be a little bit more fire resistant than the implication from this piece. In fact I may well set up my own experiment at home today to test the theory ......

not for Leg-iron

2011-10-19T12:37:00.002+01:00

Seriously ..... look away now Leg-iron ..... because if not you might click on this link to a story about no safe level of smacking children ..... and that might make your eyes explode .....

yet another email scam

2011-10-18T10:33:00.001+01:00

Thanks, but no thanks. I will not be downloading the .zip file .....

new toys

2011-10-18T09:08:00.002+01:00

The new casks arrived this week. Yes, I know they're not steels but at less than half the price it makes financial sense to start out with plastics. In the future, once the brewery has a healthy turnover, we may well invest in the more expensive alternative. I like the bold, permanent colour of the plastics though (unlike their metal counterparts which have a tendency to be rubbed off over time).

.

The second batch of Ruskin's Ram was ready to rack so we sterilised and filled the casks.

It'll be ready for sale in ten days .......

cycle lane update

2011-10-16T16:25:00.001+01:00

The ludicrous decision to put in a new cycle lane in Brighton has been given the go-ahead by the council. The 1 mile stretch will cost £640,000 to complete.

I suppose an insane scheme needs an insane price?

consistency

2011-10-16T10:00:00.000+01:00

You've got to love the mixed messages from the #occupylsx protest. On the one hand there are people there demanding an end to cuts (and by implication increased borrowing and debt) and on the other you've got this bloke

When you've made up your minds what exactly it is you're hoping to achieve can you appoint a spokesperson to tell the rest of us? Thanks.

early drinkers

2011-10-15T19:34:00.000+01:00

The Argus jumps in to the anti-alcohol arena with this completely impartial article. The language used in the piece such as customers desperate for their morning fix and drinking hotspots is all very negatively slanted. From reading it you would think that anyone who goes into a pub *must* be an alcoholic.

Donna Coe, the landlady interviewed, makes a very good point though. She says

“If you look at the age of our customers a lot of this is about people who have no one at home and just want the company. It's not really about the alcohol.”

That for me is the crucial point. Many of these early morning drinkers are old, divorced or widowed, and they congregate in a neutral social setting so that they can chat with other similarly positioned people. I know the pub she runs as I grew up about a mile away from it. The early morning drinkers might sit and nurse a pint for hours at a time so that they can chat endlessly about stuff that makes my ears bleed. Then they go and 'do a bit of shopping' before getting the bus home again.

one for the carpet munchers

2011-10-15T10:00:00.001+01:00

imminent catastrophic event?

2011-10-14T11:17:00.000+01:00

According to the Independent there are signs that another Icelandic volcano is about to erupt. And if it does it will make Eyjafjallajokul's 2010 eruption seem "small".

Eeek!

exam grades to fall under Gove?

2011-10-13T16:02:00.003+01:00

The Guardian covers a speech by Michael Gove to a conference on standards arranged by exams watchdog Ofqual in central London today. Apart from suggesting that only a fixed proportion of students each year could attain an A* grade in each subject (I agree this would be a good thing) he is quoted as saying

"We might have a year – even a year while I'm still in office – where GCSE and A-level results dip. Where fewer students get A-stars, fewer students get As. When that happens, there will be an inevitable pointing of fingers, mostly in my direction: 'You're presiding over a decline, you're presiding over failure.'

Well, I won't believe that's true for a moment. I believe that our children and our teachers will be doing better than ever. But I think that if our exams system is accurate, precise, demanding and world-class, there will be years where performance will dip as well as rise."

Gob/Smacked.

For years we have had, under successive governments, a consistent rise in exam grades as each year the Education Secretary tries to persuade us that they're doing a far better job than their predecessors in managing the education of the children of this country. And then BOOM! Along comes Gove and says that improving grades isn't as important as improving the education those children receive. I think I quite like him*.

*Assuming that he can actually deliver this idea, putting educational standards in front of grade inflation. I'm prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment ......

motor insurance claim

2011-10-12T09:11:00.004+01:00

A friend of mine was recently involved in a car accident. He was sitting in his car, completely stationary, and someone reversed into him. The other party immediately got out, apologised, admitted liability and said not to worry the insurance would sort it out. Nice and simple, clear cut, no arguments, all friendly.

Friend calls Adrian Flux, his insurance broker, who takes his details and says no problem. The insurers then hand the case over to AI Claims Solutions, and that's where his problems began. AI claim to be

An industry-leading service

who provide

efficient, proactive, customer focussed and ethically managed service for non fault motor claimants

Having listened to him receive call after call after call from this "efficient" service asking him for the same details over and over again can I beg to differ? AI Claims Solutions are fucking useless.

I'm about to renew my insurance and one question my broker is going to get asked is "If I have to claim will it be handled by AI Claims Solutions?". If they answer yes I'm going to go elsewhere. I strongly suggest you do the same. Utter cunts.

cigarette illusion

2011-10-11T17:48:00.002+01:00

Which one of the two cigarettes is bigger?

Are you sure?

seen, along with loads of other optical illusions, here

Swanswell

2011-10-07T16:00:00.000+01:00

Another day, another fakecharity alcohol scare story on the BBC.

The advice on alcohol limits is too confusing according to Debbie Bannigan, head of the charity Swanswell. She says that 'units' mean nothing to many people - and the guidance should be clearer and easier to remember.

In this week's Scrubbing Up, she says that to have a daily "safe" amount is misleading and that some people - including pregnant women and drivers - should be told "no alcohol is best".

Swanswell are not a charity in the true sense of the word. They are a service provider for the public sector paid for from public sector funds. Their accounts (.pdf) are particularly coy about stating precisely where their income comes from. In the year ending 2010 they received just over £6million, of which a paltry £1629 came from 'donations'.

You have to admire the writer though as she manages to get most of the prevalent temperance messages into the piece

"no alcohol is best"

even though statistically teetotallers are less healthy than moderate drinkers

And the concept of a daily safe amount may even encourage the idea that we should drink alcohol every day.

there's nothing wrong in drinking a small amount of alcohol every day if that's what the individual chooses to do

people are confused about the impact alcohol can have on their lives

well yes they are but why? Maybe because of the amount of ridiculous temperance literature being produced to scare them?

walk into any supermarket and you'll be encouraged to buy alcohol

or bread, or fruit, or vegetables. Those dastardly bastards in the Tesco marketing department cunningly placing goods we can purchase on display! Whatever next!

purchasing alcohol is just part of the weekly shop rather than something that we have to think about doing.

in the same way that we don't think about anything else that we purchase from the supermarket. Oh wait, yes we do! People make choices. I shop frequently but rarely buy alcohol for home consumption. Why? Because I prefer to drink in a social setting like a pub or beer garden. It doesn't matter how many displays of alcoholic drinks there are I'm not going to buy it if I don't want to.

A zero limit for drivers, pregnant women and children avoids confusion and helps us all to take responsibility

A zero limit will not avoid confusion all the while that alcohol is present in things such as medicines. Unless you are proposing that anyone on cough medicine is prevented from driving?

We shouldn't be afraid of setting clear guidelines and sticking to them

We already have guidelines that, to anyone with average intelligence, are clear as fucking day. The problem isn't the guidelines but that each one of us is different. You cannot legislate precisely to cover every eventuality unless you apply a totalitarian ban. Is that what you're really after I wonder?

alcohol saves life

2011-10-04T09:00:00.000+01:00

From the Argus

A university fresher survived a 20ft fall unharmed “because he was drunk”.

Strangely this story wasn't picked up by the national media. Can't think why ........

its genetic innit

2011-10-04T08:21:00.003+01:00

I've screengrabbed this article from the Indy today because it's so shocking, so utterly against the 'control everything' lobby, that I doubt it will survive for long. The implications of it are profound.

What it isn't saying, although the thought is implied by the article, is that the current 'wave of obesity' is caused by fatties producing offspring. It's genetic you see? All of the slimming industry, the anti-fats-in-food movement have just had the rug pulled out from underneath their funding if this research is correct. The real 'solution' to reduce obesity is to stop them breeding.

And no I'm not suggesting that should happen. I'm just saying that things like the fat tax are pointless as they aren't going to have any effect at all. Unless the overweight become too hungry to be able to breed.

and then they were gone

2011-10-03T15:55:00.000+01:00

Lansley is at it again.

From today, the sale of tobacco from vending machines is prohibited across England. The ban has been introduced to prevent under-age sales to children and to support adults who are trying to quit.

Health Secretary Andrew Lansley said:

“Cigarette vending machines are often unsupervised, making it easy for children to purchase cigarettes from them. The ban on cigarette sales from vending machines will protect children by making cigarettes less accessible to them - we want to do everything we can to encourage young people not to start smoking in the first place.”

The majority of the press release focusses heavily on the "save the chiiildren" message. Read it for yourself if you haven't already seen it regurgitated by lazy journalists in the MSM.

Don't misunderstand; I'm not a fan over overpriced vending machine fags but they serve a purpose. If you're in the pub late and all of the local shops are closed it's a safe solution to the desire to purchase fags, rather than staggering down the street looking for a 24 hour convenience shop or petrol station.

In fact when you look down at the 'notes for editors' in that press release number 4 is quite revealing. The vast majority of the machines were in places that under 18's are unlikely to be present unattended.

Industry information suggests that 78 per cent of cigarette vending machines are located in public houses, 10 per cent in clubs, 7 per cent in hotels or restaurants, 3 per cent in shops, 1 per cent in bingo halls and 1 per cent elsewhere.

Why does this current administration seem so hell bent on continuing the work of the previous incumbents in their efforts to destroy pubs and businesses associated with them?

ties

2011-10-03T10:00:00.001+01:00

On my journey into brewerying I've encountered a frustrating situation many times. I've gone into a pub that proclaims to be a free house but in reality is owned and leased by a pubco. In my experience Enterprise seems to be the pubco that does that most frequently in this area. I'm not going to name specific houses because often the landlords are as frustrated with the situation as I am but next time you're in what you think is a free house ask them - you might be unpleasantly surprised.

The really painful thing is that SIBA, the Small Independent Brewers Association, seems to me to be in collusion with the likes of Enterprise in an effort to screw over the landlords. I can sell to an Enterprise pub but only if Enterprise allow it and only if I use SIBA DDS (direct delivery system). Under that system I would sell and deliver beers to the pubs but invoice Enterprise. Enterprise will then invoice the pub, often with a 100% mark-up. To me that seems utterly obscene. I'm not sure how SIBA think this arrangement is benefiting its members as Enterprise makes vastly more profit from each transaction than the brewery. Yes, I know, the landlord was not forced to sign the contract just as I'm not forced to sell to them.

Things, however, might be about to change.

I was at a mate's wedding last weekend and got talking to another guest over a pint or two of my beer (he was very complementary about it before he knew it was mine). He works for a large and well known brewer in Scotland that also owns a large estate of pubs. They're worried about declining sales and are looking for ways to boost their turnover. They've identified a desire within the real ale community to drink local beers and, even though they are more well known for other drinks, they are taking steps to encourage people back into their pubs.

One of their solutions is to send reps round to all of their tied houses to examine the quality of service and product and offer coaching where necessary. Another is to examine the range of beers available and encourage the landlord to form direct relationships with local breweries. By encouraging diversity they hope to encourage people to return to the pubs. The value of the transactions with a local microbrewery will be offset by the extra revenue generated by having busier pubs in their estate.

If this proves successful for them then it could pave the way for other pubcos to adopt the same strategy. Now wouldn't that make things interesting?

a theory

2011-10-02T23:30:00.000+01:00

According to Hoops' theory on women the larger the gap between the front teeth the dirtier the woman is in bed.

As he refuses to publish his research for others to verify it's impossible to confirm his results although I'm now in a position to conduct my own experiments ......

cakedar

2011-10-02T12:52:00.003+01:00

cakedar [keyk-dahr] (noun)

definition
1. The ability of many seasoned mountain bikers to locate cake.

usage
1. (negative, conversational) I couldn't find the bakery as my cakedar is a bit fucked up at the moment.
2. (positive, conversational) He leads the group of riders as he has the most sensitive cakedar.

new addition to the bogroll

2011-10-01T14:56:00.004+01:00

Can I recommend you add Mother Blogger to your read list? She may have only taken a few tentative steps in the world of blogging but already she's proving articulate and intelligent.

Oh, and, she's a mate too.

and while we're on the subject of cunts

2011-09-29T21:15:00.001+01:00

In her speech to the Labour conference today Harriet Harperson made a feeble attempt at a driving themed joke about Chris Huhne.

Given that only last year Harperson pleaded guilty to and was convicted of driving without due care and attention it's either bravery or hypocrisy on her part that's way off the measuring scale.

PETA - complete cunts yet again

2011-09-29T15:21:00.005+01:00

Sarasota, Fla. — Prompted by reports that a man was bitten by a shark on Saturday while spearfishing in the Gulf of Mexico off the coast of Anna Maria Island, PETA plans to run an outdoor advertising campaign on benches and billboards near the island that makes the point that the deadliest killers in the water aren't sharks—they're humans. The ad shows a human "drumstick" hanging out of a shark's mouth next to the words "Payback Is Hell. Go Vegan."

I wish I was making this up but it's real. There are some really sick fucks working for PETA.

health and safety

2011-09-27T09:00:00.000+01:00

I'm surprised this got passed the politically correct police (bloody sexist nonsense)!!

here we go yet again

2011-09-26T10:00:00.000+01:00

The Sun has this anti-alcohol story today

As Anthony and Tom transition from the headline to the strapline those "kids" have become "young revellers" because, as we all know, selling alcohol to children is illegal and every person in that venue would have had to prove their age. So from the beginning this article is absolute bollocks.

A barman said of tomorrow's "2 Bob Tuesday" promotion: "It's gonna be pretty wild. "I'm sure a lot of students are going be really hammered. And the party will be going on till 3am."

A barman talking bollocks about a future event in an effort to make their life sound exciting? I've never, ever heard one do that. This speculation might prove to be accurate but for the moment it remains speculation.

Sun investigators visited the Showbar in Warrington, Cheshire, on Saturday night — and witnessed two girls writhing drunkenly together on the dance floor. Another woman collapsed in the gutter outside shortly after leaving.

As the venue has a capacity of 1300 one assumes there were more than three people (excluding the reporters) in the club? And this is the worst alcohol fuelled behaviour they witnessed? Sounds to me like the Showbar doesn't really have a problem at all.

Clubbers who pay a £5 entry fee tomorrow can sink half-pints of beer for 10p each — equal to just 20p per pint.

After considering the £5 entry fee I'd argue that the cost of a pint is much higher.

Alcohol Concern chief executive Don Shenker blasted: "This shouldn't be allowed. It clearly incentivises drinking irresponsibly."

Fuck off Shenker.

manager Jenny Keep defended the move. She said: "It's really a student night. It'll be £5 to get in and then 10p for a drink.But they will only be allowed to have one drink at a time.

Only allowed one drink at a time? That will lead to long queues at the bar and long gaps between drinks. That 20p a pint target is looking a long way off now isn't it? It sounds to me like many promotional offers - fantastic until you read the small print.

Other places have had promotions of drink at 1p at time — now that is irresponsible."

Oh dear Jenny. You were doing so well defending your position then you made the error of trying to divert attention away from yourself by blaming others. But I'll forgive you if you resist these puritan cocktards, people like

Katherine Brown, research chief at the Institute of Alcohol Studies, said: "It's a prime example of how irresponsible the drinks industry can be, targeting particularly vulnerable students and young people. This is why tough minimum pricing should be brought in. Alcohol harm costs the UK around £25billion a year — we can't afford not to do anything about it"

Have you noticed that, rather than being the elite of the academic process, students are often described as vulnerable by the very people that, one assumes, went through the same system? And it's always the same few names that the media use for anti-[insert frowned upon substance] quotes. And they always seem to be ignorant of the statistics that show alcohol consumption dropping year on year.

Sarah Wise, of the British Liver Trust, added: "We're creating a generation of drinkers who find these deals normal, feeding their expectations to get drunk on a fiver."

Really Sarah? Until you produce proof that's happening it remains your opinion

Prof Sir Ian Gilmour,(sic) a special adviser to the Royal College of Physicians, warned: "I'm sure the local A&E department will be reaping the rewards of selling alcohol at 10p per drink."

But as we know from previous encounters with this twat he likes to phrase quotes for the media in vague and unspecific ways so that he can't be accused of directly lying.

So there you have it: A non-story dressed up as a massive problem that needs intervention.

the sky is falling!

2011-09-23T10:49:00.003+01:00

According to the BBC

"Nasa says there's a one in 3,200 chance that a piece will hit a person somewhere on the planet but for one person specifically the risk is one in 21 trillion."

so the chances are high you won't be among the injured or dead when the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite crashes to earth later today. Fear not because

It seems likely that UARS will avoid areas inhabited by humans, but the experience will be something of a dress rehearsal for a greater danger coming in November.

A German satellite telescope called Rosat is expected to re-enter with much bigger pieces, including a very large lens, still intact.

So a bit like the Euromillions rollover jackpot then.

pseudo-machiavellian manoeuvring

2011-09-22T22:13:00.002+01:00

Sometimes you find out about sneaky underhand things other people are doing. Sometimes it's through piecing together different bits of information from different sources, sometimes it's a snatched fragment of a conversation, sometimes it's because someone is passing on the information to someone else without realising who they are. However you find out doesn't really make a difference provided the source is reliable.

I found out some things this week that, tied in with previous knowledge, made me open mouthed with wonder. I mean you're retired for fuck's sake. Doesn't age bring inner peace you petulant child? It certainly hasn't made you wise. Aren't you a bit old to be trying to play that kind of game? How very fucking sad you are.

And then I laughed.

And laughed and laughed and laughed.

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha